u ever wake up from a dream like “damn i guess i’m not coping with THAT as well as i thought i was”

yeehaw my professor is letting me write abt the duality of being a woman and a lesbian for an assignment. my good man has no idea what he’s gotten himself into

To be a lesbian, you must be a woman. That isn’t arguable. Without the woman, there is no lesbian, but that’s where the horrible paradox of being a lesbian comes into play: there is no way to be a woman and a lesbian. In our society, there is no room for lesbianism in womanhood. There’s no way to reconcile the two identities unless you turn the very idea of womanhood on its head, take it in your own two hands and twist it into something deformed and not quite woman.

The lesbian experience is isolating, from the youngest formative years to old age. There’s the isolation from other women, the desperate longing to feel a connection with your sisters but being unable to. Lesbianism comes with a fundamental difference, something beyond just attraction that separates the lesbian from the woman. There is no way to explain the disconnect felt on playgrounds, in classroom discussion, in navigating everyday interactions with other women. In no way can you be a woman when you know one misstep, a wrong glance or word or even the simple truth can land you with the label of other. An invisible line always separates you from society. Crossing it is the only way to be yourself, but it’s also the only way that you can’t be yourself, because crossing it means choosing the lesbian over the woman.

And then there’s the isolation from oneself, where you don’t quite know yourself and years spent trying to fix the lesbian creates a gap within yourself so large that you may never bridge it in your lifetime. You don’t quite fit into society because of some part of you and so you disguise it, cover it up until it’s almost acceptable, but it’s a thin veil always in danger of being ripped away. It’s a delicate charade. After spending most of your life pretending, how is it that you can find your normal? You constantly question yourself, asking “Is this me?” “Do I actually feel this way, or am I lying to myself?” “What do I want?” You don’t know how to feel, don’t know how to express yourself, how to navigate relationships. You live your teens years over again in your twenties, thirties, or later, doing it all for real. You must find yourself and, while you are, there’s no way to be a woman like the rest of them.

Lesbians, therefore, must find their own definition of woman. There’s something inexplicably different about being a woman in a lesbian context. So many words define something that is almost an entirely different gender: butch, femme, stud, or, simply, lesbian. In society’s definition of woman there’s no room for loving other women, there’s no way to describe presenting for other women, and women have no idea how to feel comfortable around the lesbian. Arguably, lesbian in itself is an entirely different gender than this society’s woman.

ominous positivity

Audio ON!

That literally sounds so relaxing like I just relaxed my shoulders

My best friend collects make up and flamingos, my sister collects octopus. I collect pocket knives

I have a couple cool (I think) pocket knives. All of yours are so neat! I especially like the ones that are “fancy” like the rainbow colors and intricate designs.

as much as the world fails you, never regret having a good heart. 

ryan continuing to bring shane to haunted locations despite him being Like That:

my pockets jingle with stolen buttons from hot topic

i literally cant stop stealing those buttons from the Button Vats like i dont feel like paying 3 dollars for a piece of tin with pusheen on it but i do feel like doing a heist

call the cops bitch ill have sex with them

This feels like a the kind of thing you overhear when the person next to you on the bus is having a heated phone call

5 year old me:

this is what i think film sonic should look like

Me showing up as my highest self

Lmfaooooo

when things are good but the depression strikes back

this is the funniest thing i’ve ever seen

# checks out