Smartdazzle

Fontaine Mons part 1

i understand you guys now. like i get it

I feel like this is even better when you know that the context is that they've just seem three spectral hags emerge from the fog to recite a prophecy of doom that mentions Captain Kirk by name.

they should make an app that lets you pass a joint to your overseas mutuals

You're dead serious. I'm alive silly. We're not the same

hate how this 1) manages to make fun of Belgium without bothering to mention us 2) every single person in the notes knows this 3) it's true

the fun inverse of this is i remember for a friend’s birthday party when i was a kid we went to the beach, but to drive there we had to get through the netherlands. i remember her dad being like “okay, you’ll feel it when we get to the netherlands because the roads are different” and i remember thinking that was bullshit because it’s just a road, how different can it be? and let me tell you the fucking second that we crossed the border you could feel the silence in that car because the roads were so smooth. genuinely i had not known true bliss until that moment

Black cats are lucky. (via leahweissmuller)

MAN [IN THICK ACCENT]: Black cat bring good luck.  Not bad luck.  I have black cat - See, him face - And I am not dead today: Good luck!

“See him face”

I sure fucking do see him face

Him face

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021

Reblog him face for good luck in 2021 (2)

REBLOG HIM FACE FOR MOST EXCELLENT LUCK ALL 2022 🖤

Reblog his face to save 2023

s 5 e 18 af

these tags are so incredible

Today's Seal Is: Baby Eat Fish

Bob Iger is a fool for refusing to speak with SAG-AFTRA, and Disney shareholders should not allow it.

#ActorsStrike #SAGAFTRAstrike #SAGAFTRAstrong #UnionStrong #disney #BobIger #business #mistake #CEOfailure

Frilled shark seen near Japan.

This is the only video of a frilled shark on the whole internet but it’s a deep sea animal in the process of dying which is why it swims so weird and its gills are puffed out and its whole front end seems paralyzed. Somewhere there are vibrant happy frilled sharks swimming gracefully like regular sharks but almost no one has ever seen what that’s like.

RE: why this happens: most of the ocean is just one huge open space with no physical barriers, so a deep sea animal relies only on its senses of light, temperature and pressure to tell it where it should stay. As it wears down with age or sickness those senses start to break down so everywhere probably begins to feel the same. It randomly wanders farther out of its habitat and sometimes that wandering takes it up and up and miraculously one of us humans sees it before any predators catch it, which is incredible because that’s hundreds of meters of distance it might have avoided porpoises, seals, barracuda, morays, squid, tuna, marlins, large jellyfish, even scavengers like lobsters and hagfish will often start eating something on the brink but not quite dead yet.

It’s sad, but it’s likely this shark lived a very long life, and it doesn’t know it, but it survived a very long trip in a very vulnerable state just to visit us for a moment. With its senses so far gone it may not have felt too bad. It might have felt like any ordinary day floating around its home until it fell asleep one last time, never knowing how it amazed and enlightened members of an entirely alien species in the process!

when i was training service dogs, i happened to get assigned to one dog who kind of has the same spooky, harrowed look about her that Minion often has

it did not help that she was a pale dog whose eyes were rimmed with somewhat darker fur, giving the impression that her eyes were kind of sunken and haunted

each dog in our program had a tag hanging on their kennel with basic information about them, such as name, sex, neuter status, breed, etc.

and then there was a space where the trainer could write in a description of the dog. this was mostly useful if we had two dogs in a kennel run who were hard to tell apart at a quick glance, so you could write in something like "small ears" or "short muzzle."

most of us were pretty good at recognizing dogs, though, especially if they'd been there for a while. it was usually only really relevant when the dogs had just arrived and we didn't know them yet. so it didn't get utilized a lot, honestly

so i really didn't think anyone would notice when i wrote in "looks like she sees dead people." i thought that was going to be a silly joke just for me

then, slowly. i began noticing other training and kennel staff workers referencing the joke

i think at its peak, we were posing a group of dogs for promotional/fundraising pictures, and this particular dog was distracted

and so, of course, more than one trainer started excitedly chirping "DEAD PEOPLE DEAD PEOPLE DEAD PEOPLE!" to try and get my dog to look at the camera

and it worked

then one day i looked back through this dog's paperwork and learned that the volunteer who was responsible for raising her actually abruptly died when the dog was still a puppy

and i still feel bad about that one 💀

the whole time she was just having a personal seance with Möther

anyway, she ended up being a fantastic dog. a little quirky for sure, but incredibly sweet and affectionate. very bright, too!

above all else, she loved to pick up and carry things on command. often when we were working on retrieving stuff, i would have to literally hold her back just so i had a chance to even say the command first. and then she would happily dive face-first onto whatever object we were working on that day

sometimes she would also bring me comically large, unwieldy things completely unprompted, just because she could. and then she would wiggle so, so proudly

she ended up being matched with the nicest fucking guy and is living her best Weird Dog life these days

but she and her human partner work at a hospital

and i always wonder if she knows about the morgue

you know what, i am right and im tired of pretending i am not

i posted some thoughts about this on mastodon last month

frankly i just think a lot of the discourse on steven universe was and remains shortsighted and childish. a lot of viewers and critics just stubbornly refuse to take the conditions of a production into consideration whatsoever. which, you know, i can understand that as a casual viewer of media, you don’t have that full context you just have the show. but when you get outlandishly vitriolic, as many online critics love to do, a lot of the time you just end up making villains of creators who most likely agree with you on a lot of the stuff you’re criticizing because *the studio forced them to put that shit in and would sue them to hell and back if they admitted to that fact.* i’ll never forget that like three hour “steven universe sucks” video where the critic in question just straight up personally yelled at rebecca sugar over the network’s release schedule, as if she had any control or input on that whatsoever!

at a certain point this level of projected auteurism transitions seamlessly into abject illiteracy. it’s a mode of criticism which treats art as if it emerges from a vacuum, as if artists working within any mainstream media machine have absolute creative control of what makes it onto the air. this critical mode gives endless, endless cover for exploitative censorious media corporations who force talented artists to work under the most untenable of conditions.

why do we care about this? what is it that we really care about? everyone wants the art to be good, but comes at it from an astonishingly naive perspective that corporations absolutely encourage. because if all responsibility for the work falls on the author’s head regardless of how many suits put themselves between the author and the finished work, then the suits just get to keep on doing what they’re doing. this is how we get marvel movies halfway through production before a script has even been written, how we get exploitative minirooms that refuse young screenwriters the long-term career experience of tv writers rooms past, how we get an environment where queer artists pushing boundaries in indie spaces with no financial or institutional support face infinitely more scrutiny with MUCH higher stakes than anything that actually has a real impact on the world at large.

that steven universe exists at all is a miracle. that it’s as queer as it is, and as nuanced as it is about queer family dynamics, mourning, trauma, forgiveness, is something worth celebrating. that doesn’t mean you have to watch it or like it! as cj the x would say, was it bad? or did you just not like it? increasingly i wish everyone watching things would learn to distinguish between the two, and would learn in general that no amount of criticizing mass media will ever ever ever ever result in Things Actually Changing. you want media to get better? then your enemy is the studios, and your allies are the exploited workers who are just as frustrated as you are! putting all that energy into hating A Director or Actor or Property is, most of the time, a gift to the capitalists.

Also regarding the ending, like.

This is a kid's show. I know you can do a fair amount more nuance than some people expect on a kid's show, but it is, ultimately, a kid's show. A kid's show that is trying to express the idea that compassion and communication are powerful tools of conflict resolution. So of course the show ended with speaking with compassion to the big bad and that opened her eyes and everything got better. (not happy ever after, but notably better.)

tried to google search for that post that's like.. something about squids and it goes "the squirterrrrrrrrr" and believe it or not that did not show me the thing i was looking for

hey guys ✌️ just checking in. "the squirter meme" didnt bring it up either

(exhausted and covered in blood) i found it

my belief is that everyone who works in a restaraunt or retail should make a minimum of $25 an hour and should get a half hour break every four hours and if your boss or manager tries to make you work during your break or skips it, they get chased out of town by wild dogs

Istg, if I ever get rabies because some dumb ass antivaxxer refused to vaccinate their dog, I’ll probably be doing the rest of my blogging from prison because I promise you, Imma curbstomp the shit out of the owner

he sparred too close to the sun and got knocked out

New Good Omens fic in progress...

Rating: E

Once a year, Aziraphale and Crowley meet on Earth to discuss the development of the reincarnated Christ child.

The problem is, they can't stop having sex instead.

Read on AO3

OK right so I have moved on further in my stages of grief after S2 to whatever stage makes me need to write a bunch of angsty sex scenes.

This will be a multi-chapter fic, not quite sure how many yet. But if you are also ready to drown in horny angst, come check it out!

Me rn after staying up till 2am to finish this fic:

A fic that makes me horny and sad and hopeful?? The story is SO beautiful and the characterisation is spot on; and the smut is spicy. Truly an 11/10 I cannot recommend enough.

Me rn after

staying up till 2am

to finish this fic:

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.