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THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! it’s a hammer, you call yourselves carpenters??? I asked for a drill how am I supposed to get this screw out

*cant take a good selfie* *entire day is ruined*

my best miley cyrus impersonation

it’s too accurate omg

I DONT THINK YOU GET IT

IF YOU TELL A GIRL SHES PRETTY IT WILL BOOST HER SELF CONFIDENCE FOREVER

SO IF YOU FIND A GIRL PRETTY

GROW A SET AND TELL HER

Captain America was so unrealistic. You honestly expect me to believe they put the flash drive in the right direction on the first try every time.

i love being tight with teachers because you get to hear them talk shit about other teachers its so funny they all act like highschoolers except they get paid 

They talk shit about other students if they like you enough too.

if they really like you they’ll even tell you if other teachers talk shit about you.

All of this is my English teacher in one it's amazing

if everybody got a free miniature animal at birth that protected you, like a tiny elephant or dragon, the world would be a better place.

write a book

You could call it The Golden Compass

The Avengers “assemble” at the Oscars.

no one on the oscar’s has swagger like us

I really like how this angle has the mic split Bruce right down the middle - just like he has two sides. Bruce, and Hulk.

But look how they fucking ARE their characters:

Tony is at ease on stage, obviously, but strutting his stuff all the same. Fuck humility. I belong here, damn straight tony stark is crashing your oscars. Hand near pockets, ready to chillax with a scotch, probably more busy thinking about how good pepper looks in her red carpet attire than anything else. Sunglasses to ease his hangover headache from last night.

Steve, the proper gentleman, in his 21st century tux. He is not uncomfortable, but hes never been one for the spotlight all the same. Straight back, shoulders firm, smiling gently.

Bruce is a fucking giddy kid, “holy shit, im at the oscars, this is incredible, i bet i could scan the brain waves of every celebrity and brilliant directing mind here for similarities”

Clint has his hands near his mouth, a bit of a worrier. Hes not unsettled, but he sees better from a distance. Certainly not liking the center stage.

Nick fury is done with your shit.

do u ever do something mildly impolite like not give a nice goodbye or not hold a door and spend the rest of the day thinking about it

choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you

i like how i’m not even remotely phased by anyone’s url anymore like oh look at this adorable kitten that satansbloodsacrifice reblogged from 1d-lives-inside-my-actual-vagina

im still overwhelmed when people like my post or message me like “oh someone knows i exist”

usa gets silver:

russia gets silver:

chinese get silver:

british get bronze:

actually, it’s been psychologically proven that bronze winners are happier than silver winners! silver winners see themselves as being “so close” to gold, while bronze winners are just happy they won a medal. so any silver medalist isn’t as happy as a bronze medalist!

Canada gets silver:

the most accurate post about olympians ever

Fuuuuuuuuck itssssss toooooo fuuuuucking hotttttttttt

can you imagine bucky at the airport though

like he walks through the metal detector area and the security goes 

”sir could you please put any and all metal items in this box?”

and he just nods and nonchalantly takes off his metal arm and puts it in the box

and security is just horrified

Martin Freeman helps football dummies get ready for the World Cup. [X]

when you spell a word so wrong that spell check is like i dont know what to tell u man

do actors ever cringe at their own voice on tv