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Lex !

@slightlyannoyedcanadian

I have too many side blogs including lexsfavouritehockey , thexfilesjunk , hockeytrashandthings , and lexsnothockey 🇨🇦🇨🇦
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nolanpatrick19
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thesofthuman

ok universe, i’m ready to feel good things. make me feel good things.

whenever i post this it works  reblog if u want to feel good things & the universe will bring u something sweet 

gremlinkonecny-deactivated20180
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sidneycrosbyisawitch

dear hockey witches,

here are a couple everyday spells 

1. wearing a seguin shirsey during ab day will bring you 19% more gains. (19 is his first number and therefore still holds power. if you want to achieve 91% more ab gains, be prepared to engage in some pretty dark sex magic.) 2. write the number of the player from whom you want to draw your strength in the crooks of your elbows. (for instance, if you need to be positive and hardworking and bright, write 53 on the soft skin hidden in the crease of your elbows. jeffrey will be there for you. need to blast your way through the day with unwavering confidence in yourself? #8′s got you. )

3. this is super simple, but braiding your team’s colors together for a bracelet or a keychain will keep you grounded. you’re never truly alone. 

4. playlist magic. workouts of any kind are more powerful with a carefully intentioned playlist. if it’s glute day, you better whip up an incredible sidney crosby playlist and get working. (a disclaimer on that tho, sid is a pretty powerful person to try to invoke. you may want to start with someone who’s glutes are a little less intimidating. but on the other hand, why not aim for the best? you do you.)

5. choose your fighter: hockey spell edition. you ever have those moments where you think ‘wow, it sure would be great if some great big dumb hockey asshole swooped in and punched out of this situation for me’? place your fighter’s picture in a locket and wear it always. the number of awful situations should start to decrease and become easier to disengage from. 

nolanpatrick19
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shacklesburst

Hockey Gothic

  • Your grandfather tells you “When I was born, Jaromir Jagr had already played 20 seasons.” Your father tells you “When I was born, Jagr had already played 20 seasons.” You look up Jagr on HockeyDB. By the time you were born, Jaromir Jagr had already played 20 seasons.
  • You hum a melody. Everybody hums a melody. You can’t make out the words, but the melody repeats after a short time. “The rest name new can lay, is the foot mold okay name,” it sounds like. You don’t understand.
  • The Leafs are up 11-0 after 2. Tears are running down your face. You know they will lose in the shootout.
  • Ovechkin is loading up his shot. You can see the defense going down one by one. The forwards try to play defense and theydrop, too. They can’t get up again. Ovechkin is still loading up his shot.
  • “Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion,” somebody says. Others are nodding along. The president of the US is live on TV. “Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup Champion,” he says.
  • A toad croaks. It sounds like “parity.” You look at the toad. Gary Bettman’s face stares back. “Shootout,” it croaks.
  • Your team won. You are happy. Somebody is screaming on Youtube. Your team lost. Somebody is screaming on Youtube. You like, subscribe and tell all your friends. You scream.
  • Somebody takes a shot on an empty net. Carey Price is on the bench. He makes the save. The refs skate to the bench to get the puck. You scream.
  • You can’t make out the print on Don Cherry’s suit. It seems to change while you’re watching. It looks at you. “Good Canadian boys,” the suit says.
marleafs
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paperstorm
Anonymous asked:

oh baby, talk Canadian to me

paperstorm answered:

Me n’a couple a’ pals went down to Timmies the other day for a large double-double and a maple glaze, when we ran into a pack a’ skids, hanging round the parking lot like that time some hoser down the lane left the paddock unlocked and a bunch of dairies wandered off into town. So these tools start chripin’ us, callin’ us 10-ply just because my buddy’s got great lettuce, fixin’ to get their chiclets knocked right outta their domes. Next thing you know it’s fuckin tilly time. But then these snipers walk by before much can get going, a couple a’ real grade A rockets, so we back off before it can turn into a full donnybrook, since up north bein’ polite is more important than beating the stupid off a skid, especially when there’s a chance for wheeling a rocket or two.

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Translation:

Me [and my friends] went down to [Tim Horton’s, a Canadian coffee shop] the other day for a [large coffee with two creams and two sugars, and a doughnut], when we ran into [a group of drug addicts], hanging round the parking lot like that time some [loser, asshole, etc] down the lane left the [gate] unlocked and a bunch of [dairy cows] wandered off into town. So these [idiots, jerks, etc] start [saying mean things to us], callin’ us [soft, pussies, unmanly, etc] just because my buddy’s got great [long, flowing hair], fixin’ to get their [teeth] knocked right outta their [heads]. Next thing you know it’s [a fight]. But then these [hot girls] walk by before much can get going, a couple a’ [really really hot girls], so we back off before it can turn into [an even bigger fight], since up north bein’ polite is more important than beating the stupid off a [druggie, meth-head, etc], especially when there’s a chance for [picking up a hot girl].