I’m sorry I’m trying to read the subtitles.

In the Twilight universe, “vegetarian” vampires have golden eyes from drinking animal blood, a more ethical source than human blood, which would give them red eyes. It has also been established that a diet of human blood makes vampires physically stronger. So, if the Cullens wanted to become stronger without jeopardizing their morals, could they consume mosquitoes instead? How many mosquitoes would they have to eat to survive? Since mosquitoes drink from both humans and animals, what color would their eyes be? Orange? In this essay, I will

on average an adult has about 4.5-5.5 liters of blood circulating in their body. a female mosquito, when completely full, can hold up to 0.001-0.01 milliliters of blood in their abdomen depending on the species. if we take the average of both (5 liters & 0.0055 milliliters), it would take around 909,090 mosquitos to equal the amount of blood in a single human. although there isnt an exact number of the entirety of the mosquito population, we can use fermi estimation. there is about 57 million square miles of total land area on earth, while say 50 million square miles are habitable for mosquitos. with a rough of estimate of 1 mosquito per 50 square feet (overestimate due to area and time of year). after multiplying the numbers and fixing the units, there is a rough estimated 70 quadrillion mosquitos. theoretically, if a vampire lived in a mosquito dense area, such as brazil, indonesia, malaysia, thailand, etc, and could sustainably hunt around a million mosquitos to fill themselves every time they needed to feed, there would be enough mosquitos to survive on due to their large population and fast reproduction.

This is honestly everything I have ever wanted thank you for your contribution to the cause

Hey guys I think I figured out why vampires can turn into bats

This is how the golden age of piracy ended.

The first mermaid to get tattoos :)

“we didn’t know any better,” the crewman says, and swallows, presenting the chest to the captain. “what do we do now?”

“kill it,” the captain says, but the ice is melting in his eyes.

“we can’t,” the first mate says desperately, praying she won’t have to fight her captain on this. “we can’t. we - i won’t. we won’t.”

“i know.”

x

“daddy,” she says, floating in a tub of seawater in the hold, “daddy, la-la, la-la-la.”

her voice rings like bells. her accent is strange; her mouth isn’t made for human words. it mesmerises even the hardiest amongst them and she wasn’t even trying. the crew has taken to diving for shellfish near the shorelines for her; she loves them, splitting the shells apart with strength seen in no human toddler, slurping down the slimy molluscs inside and laughing, all plump brown cheeks and needle-sharp teeth. she sometimes splashes them for fun with her smooth, rubbery brown tail. even when they get soaked they laugh. they love her.

“daddy,” she calls again, and he can hear the worry in her voice. the storm rocking the ship is harsh and uncaring, and if they go down, she would be the only survivor.

“don’t worry,” he says, and goes over, sitting next to the tub. the first mate, leaning against the wall, pretends not to notice as he quietly begins to sing.

x

“father,” she says, one day, as she leans on the edge of the dock and the captain sits next to her, “why am I here?”

“your mother abandoned you,” he says, as he always has. “we found you adrift, and couldn’t bear to leave you there.”

she picks at the salt-soaked boards, uncertain. her hair is pulled back in a fluffy black puff, the white linen holding it slipping almost over one of her dark eyes. one of her first tattoos, a many-limbed kraken, curls over her right shoulder and down her arm, delicate tendrils wrapped around her calloused fingertips. “alright,” she says.

x

“why am I really here?” she asks the first mate, watching the sun set over the water in streaks of liquid metal that pooled in the troughs of the waves and glittered on the seafoam.

“we didn’t know any better,” the first mate says, staring into the water. “we didn’t know- we didn’t know anything. we didn’t understand why she fought so viciously to guard her treasure. we could not know she protected something a thousand times more precious than the purest gold.”

she wants to be furious, but she can’t. she already knew the answer, from reading the guilt in her father’s eyes and the empty space in her own history. and she can’t hate her family.

“it’s alright,” she says. “i do have a family, anyways. i don’t think i would have liked my other life near as much.”

x

her kraken grows, spreading its tendrils over her torso and arms. she grows too, too large to come on board the ship without being hauled up in a boat from the water. she sings when the storms come and swims before the ship to guide it to safety. she fights off more than one beast of the seas, and gathers a set of scars across her back that she bears with pride. “i don’t mind,” she says, when the captain fusses over her, “now i match all of you.”

the first time their ship is threatened, really threatened, is by another fleet. a friend turned enemy of the first mate. “we shouldn’t fight him,” she says, peering through the spyglass.

“why not?” the mermaid asks.

“he’ll win,” the first mate says.

the mermaid tips her head sideways. Her eyes, dark as the deep waters, gleam in the noon light. “are you sure?” she asks.

x

the enemy fleet surrenders after the flagship is sunk in the night, the anchor ripped off the ship and the planks torn off the hull. the surviving crew, wild-eyed and delirious, whimper and say a sea serpent came from the water and attacked them, say it was longer than the boat and crushed it in its coils. the first mate hears this and has to hide her laughter. the captain apologizes to his daughter for doubting her.

“don’t worry,” she says, with a bright laugh, “it was fun.”

x

the second time, they are pushed by a storm into a royal fleet. they can’t possibly fight them, and they don’t have the time to escape.

“let me up,” the mermaid urges, surfacing starboard and shouting to the crew. “bring me up, quickly, quickly.”

they lower the boat and she piles her sinous form into it, and uses her claws to help the crew pull her up. once on the deck she flops out of the boat and makes her way over to the bow. the crew tries to help but she’s so heavy they can barely lift parts of her.

she crawls up out in front of the rail and wraps her long webbed tail around the prow. the figurehead has served them well so far but they need more right now. she wraps herself around the figurehead and raises her body up into the wind takes a breath of the stinging salt air and sings.

the storm carries her voice on its front to the royal navy. they are enchanted, so stunned by her song that they drop the rigging ropes and let the tillers drift. the pirates sail through the center of the fleet, trailing the storm behind them, and by the time the fleet has managed to regain its senses they are buried in wind and rain and the pirates are gone.

x

she declines guns. instead she carries a harpoon and its launcher, and uses them to board enemy ships, hauling her massive form out of the water to coil on the deck and dispatch enemies with ruthless efficiency. her family is feared across all the sea.

x

“you know we are dying,” the captain says, looking down at her.

she floats next to the ship, so massive she could hold it in her arms. her eyes are wise.

“i know,” she says, “i can feel it coming.”

the first mate stands next to the captain. she never had a lover or a child, and neither did he, but to the mermaid they are her parents. she will always love her daughter. the tattoos are graven in dark swirls across the mermaid’s deep brown skin and the flesh of her tail, even spiraling onto the spiked webbing on her spine and face. her hair is still tied back, this time with a sail that could not be patched one last time.

“we love you,” the first mate says simply, looking down. her own tightly coiled black hair falls in to her face; she shakes the locs out of the way and smiles through her tears. the captain pretends he isnt crying either.

“i love you too,” the mermaid says, and reached up to pull the ship down just a bit, just to hold them one last time.

“guard the ship,” the captain says. “you always have but you know they’re lost without you.”

“without you,” the mermaid corrects, with a shrug that makes waves. “what will we do?”

“i don’t know,” the captain says. “but you’ll help them, won’t you?”

“of course i will,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes. “i will always protect my family.”

x

the captain and the first mate are gone. the ship has a new captain, young and fearless - of the things she can afford to disregard. she fears and loves the ocean, as all captains do. she does not fear the royal fleet. and she does not fear the mermaid.

“you know, i heard stories about you when i was a little girl,” she says, trailing her fingers in the water next to the dock.

the mermaid stares at her with one eye the size of a dinner table. “is that so?” she hums, smirking with teeth sharper than the swords of the entire navy.

“they said you could sink an entire fleet and that you had skin tougher than dragon scales,” the new captain says, grinning right back at the monster who could eat her without a moment’s hesitation. “i always thought they were telling tall tales.”

“and now?”

“they were right,” the new captain says. “how did they ever befriend you?”

the mermaid smiles, fully this time, her dark eyes gleaming under the white linen sail. “they didn’t know any better.”

She protects her family.

Hi everybody! Guess what’s being posted on AO3 now at the following link!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498384/chapters/53760817

That’s right! Here you go. I’ll be uploading it in some chunks, because I want to make sure I have everything I wanted edited cleanly finished, but follow the story there!

HEY GUYS GUESS WHATS BACK ON THE DASHBOARD AND BETTER THAN EVER

I love this

Holy fuck

Oh wow, this was beautiful. Not sure about the twerking skeleton but it did save me from a story-induced ugly cry so it can stay I guess

*finishes reading a full book in 3 hours* who am i

your favourite character from said book now next question

next question: the number of pupils in school A is equal to half the number of pupils in school B. the ratio of the boys in school A and the boys in school B is 1:3 and the ratio of the girls in school A and the girls in school B is 3:5. the number of boys in school B is 200 higher than the number of boys in school A. find the number of boys and girls in each school.

solve it

A: 100 boys, 300 girls

B: 300 boys, 500 girls

next question?

under constant current electrolysis, how many coulombs would be required to reduce 2 mol of Cu to metallic copper?

386,000 coulombs next question?

a farmer plants 54 crops of broccoli and 32 crops of carrot. what is the probablity his neighbor's name is jessica?

the probability is around 818 066/382 200 000 or around 0,2 if he lives in the united states. next question

i'm blocking you

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This is now offically sixteen million times better than when I first saw it. Time to reblog.

I want this.

The best post came back

I now want someone to design haute couture based on the four nations. 

PG: Psycho Goreman (2021) dir. Steven Kostanski

Somebody had to do this at some point

(original comic by florkofcows)

the world was severely lacking weird little girl memes so i had to fill the void

more like

The best writing I’ve ever seen about the monarchy. The rest is here.

To note, the Irish Times is the primary, most respected newspaper in the country

for the love of god unmute

Muted it took me 6 seconds to figure out what was going on. Unmuted I had tears in my eyes 3 seconds in

look, if a dark ancient villain asked me to destroy the world with him I would simply accept...rip to alina starkov but I’m different

Sometimes I get annoyed because the name Sullivan literally means ‘one eye. ’ It’s from Irish, ‘súil amháin.’ Literally. One eye.

So when they were making Monster’s Inc, somoene looked at this

  and guess which one they decided to call Sullivan????????

ฬĦĪĊĦ??????

Not disappointed by this one

but giving earth a birthday mapped onto a human-made calendar makes a lot of sense?

Sure. Because once you have the Earth going around the sun, and nights and days, you can go back to the first one, and it's the Birthday.

Crowley and Aziraphale were around before all that: before planets and nebulas and Time.

Are you telling me that Crowley, extra as he is, never decided that a certain day was his birthday and undeniably was all about him and only him?

A day that Crowley decided was undeniably all about him and only him? Of course he did. That's every day for the last 6000 years. Even the ones he slept through.

*extends one long demonic claw out from under your bed and tickles your foot*

I accidentally reblogged this picture to the wrong post

this ruined my evening, great work! hope everything you love withers

i love tumblr because someone can just say ‘here i made this thing its kirby with teeth’ and like 5 people will respond with ‘oh i hate it and i hope your entire family dies’ and they just take it as a compliment

holy shit yes someone draw a kirby with teeth!!!

heres your bitch

VENOMOUS KIRBY

this post has started a truly ghastly arms race! anguish is an ocean and i am but a pathetic dinghy dashed violently against the rocky shoals

(tw gore, body horror, tooth horror, generalized disgust, do not click keep reading)

Keep reading

Gaud, how DARE u leave this quality angst in the tags

Thanks I hate it, I don’t hope your family dies but I hope you will always underestimate the distance of an object in your hope by half an inch

Kirby with carnivore teeth is meh, can someone draw kirby with human teeth? Kind of like that hell fish from that dream

I feel like you maybe didn’t click the keep reading link. did you click the keep reading link? I don’t recommend clicking the keep reading link but if you did read the click reading link

This is exactly how physics does not work.

Why didn’t she just use the lipstick on the door? 

IM FUAKCING DYING I CANNTO DO THIS IM CRYING TEARS. REAL TEARS.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE ADD THE GIF OF SCOOBY DOO WITH THE TRASH CAN LIDS TO THIS POST

Oh, wow.