Person A: hey why do you look so tired and have bite marks all over your neck?

Person B, who got fucked within an inch of their life the night before and is about to invent vampires: oh haven’t you heard?

i dont think american filmmakers realise how huge london is, because sure you have the london eye and houses of parliament but when you say ‘london has fallen’ what??? so the nandos in catford is in flames? the tesco in peckham has descended into chaos? wtf??

We have states bigger than your entire country

ur largest city

london

Oh…. honey….honey no

I’m about to blow everyone’s got damn mind.

Not a metropolitan area, just fucking Jacksonville.

Hey look, it’s these guys again. My website – My Facebook page – See me on LINE Webtoon!

Mammals both produce milk and have hair. Ergo, a coconut is a mammal.

I know you’re being facetious, but this is an actual issue with morphology-based phylogeny.

*leans over and whispers to person beside me* what are they talking about

*leans over and whispers back*  Human ability to quantify and categorize natural phenomena is sketchy at best and wildly misleading at worst

consider the coconut

this reminds me of that time Plato defined humans as “featherless bipeds” and Diogenes ran in with a plucked chicken screaming “BEHOLD A MAN!”

i love how you say “it reminds me of that time” like you were there.

listen if an immortal feels brave and supported enough to come out we should respect them

This post is a journey

1 Reblog = 1 Respect

I maintain that humans started attempting classify animals, and some god or another made the platypus, and is still laughing.

Zeus: *hits joint* okay so like. It’s gonna have a duck bill right. But an otter body okay? And then a beaver tail. It’s a mammal. But. It lays eggs!

Hades: wait wait dude. Give it. Give it poison. Make it poisonous

Athena: You mean venomous, and make sure the eggs have both reptile and bird traits. Hermes: *takes the joint* Give it extra senses. Poseidon: It should be aquatic.

I MEAN where’s the lie

Demeter: … And where exactly do you expect me to put this? Everyone: Australia.

This thread goes every which way and is a glorious thing begat by Tumblr.

Hestia, who brought the weed and has been quiet this whole time, suddenly, but with forceful conviction: IT DOESNT HAVE TEATS IT JUST SWEATS MILK. she nods sagely before collapsing into giggles

princess peach🍑

It’s not premarital sex if you never get married

THIS HAD ME WEAK FAM

Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.

The Glasswinged butterfly is a beautiful brush-footed butterfly. The Glasswinged butterfly gets its name because the tissue between the veins of its wings looks like glass, as it lacks the colored scales found in other butterflies. (Source)

Ya dick the size of half my arm I don’t want you you.

If ya dick longer than my remote I don’t want you

If ya dick longer than a water bottle back away

Honestly, like I love my cervix

Why are big niggaz getting shamed, what we ever do to y'all?

Y'all scarred our cervixes wym!?

All of this

LMG

TINY MEAT GANG PROSPERING

TINY MEAT GANG! WE IN DIS BITCH!

crying hahahaha

My time to shine !

TMG WE OUT HERE

AYEEEEE!!!!

@dookiediamonds why are you repping for a team you don’t belong to? Frauding ass nigga

You real gone put me on blast for the whole dash to see like this,

Shit I like big meat gang so send em to me 🤔😛😏😂🌚

im honestly screaming at this ENTIRE post lmaooo

an addition to the ice cream discourse,

https://soundcloud.com/jahseh-onfroy/elephant-in-the-room-acoustic