always zooted

cute ways to remind your boyfriend that your birthday is coming up and you would like to spend your special day with him by exploiting your local watering hole’s insane “get your age in free [food item] on your birthday” promotion:

occasional reminder that i own a cricut that i use almost exclusively for evil

we are going to be fashionable for my birthday celebration

I threw up.

reblog to tell a 14 year old that these are the very, very hard years and they're not wrong to feel the way they do.

"you don't know [insert popular tiktok trend]? you must live under a rock" Well i do. for your information i actually live in a thriving soil ecosystem complete with damp moss and various insects including pill bugs, beetles, and ants

Peace and LOVE on planet Earth

isn’t it cute when you can hear the smile in someone’s voice ?

Got pulled over because he "saw someone flash their lights at me" and it made him "think something was going on". After he ran my paperwork and did multiple full walk-arounds of my car, he decided everything was in order and I was free to go. I just wanted to get home from work.

Living in MD got pulled over when I pulled into my landlady's [100%, rich, suburban] community and questioned what my purpose was there. "I live here" was not an acceptable answer and I ended up needing to call my landlady to talk to the officer and convince them that I really did live there, in her basement inlaw apartment, courtesy of her granddaughter. When he finally let me go he told me he "actually" pulled me over because he "thought [my] headlights were out" but on "second glance" they were just fine. Dunno how you can mistake headlights being on or off.

And I know I've told the story of when one of my elderly white neighbors called the police on me for training my dog in a public use field and how even the cop that showed up thought the call was stupid and racist.

My dad got pulled over when I was still in a carseat because they thought it was "suspicious" that a grown man would have such a young child with him on a school day. He was driving me back to school from a doctor's appointment. They made him get our of the car, lean against it, and searched both him and the car because they "smelled something" while he did his best to keep me calm and tell me that it was going to be okay. I was too young to understand what happened at the time. I just remember he was furious the entire ride back to school, and he was still mad when I got off the bus that afternoon.

It really is just Like This, being black in this country.

This is what you’ve searched for

God damn I have so much anxiety. watch THIS

*does nothing and somehow also feels bad about it*

why is this me😭

the worst part about being an adult is thay its no longer socially acceptable to just roll down a really big hill and then run back up it and roll back down again. "oh is this a syphilis metaphor" passerby would ask. "is this for a tick tock". no i just wanna come home covered in dirt and scratches and bask in the the solace of childlike mirth

The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1988 - 1992) dir. Carole Beers and Karl Geurs

Me too Rabbit, me too.

I am a 27 year old electrical engineer who works in a little secret lab in the middle of buttfuck Egypt. For one two month period, the office supply order changed from normal erasers to these, and I will not lie - every time I thought I was alone, I would sneak one out of my desk and eat it. They looked delicious. Tasted mid, but the appearance was so stunning that my brain just kept thinking, surely, the rest were a fluke, but THIS TIME it will taste like fruit and sugar.

Anyway, eventually the order stopped, and I was very worried that somehow, they’d found out that I was eating their erasers. So I kind of casually brought it up to my manager that I was sad that they swapped the erasers out, and he was like “yeah, but I kept eating them so they couldn’t stay.”

fuck spotify forreal for taking away the little heart icon... i dont want to add songs to my creepy ass collection i want to like them i want to love them

omg

hotel california ass website

this is literally why we're getting a skeleton crew