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I want to be happy... I want to be skinny...

@skinnygirls-are-prettygirls

19. 167 cm. hw: 72kg. sw: 72kg. cw: 54kg. gw1: 60kg.✔️ gw2: 55kg.✔️ ugw: 45kg. Ana is my best friend :) || if you want to talk or ask something, I'm here :)

I just realised that I don’t need a boyfriend.. I just need someone to give me attention and that’s so fucked up..

God, i'm so pathetic... i don’t want to to see him ever again because im so fucking embarrassed but on the other hand i want to talk to him and see what could happen

I just want to go back those 2 days and do everything diffrent with him... I would talk with him more, drink less, be more like myself and most importantly remember more so maybe everything would go in the complete different direction and maybe I would be able to stop thinking abouth that night for a second

A few days ago I was at my friend’s birthday party. In my opinion I looked like shit. And what’s crazy abouth that night is that for the first time in my whole life someone showed interest in me. But I was drunk and when I’m drunk I’m like completley different person - instead of being extremly shy, scared of new people and unable to talk with them I am very much not shy and I can dance, talk, laugh and pretty much do anything with anyone. And that’s why he wanted to talk to me and just spend time with me - because I wasn’t myself. The good thing is that I will probably never see him again and I won’t have to see him not being interested in the real me lol

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exist-ings

I can’t hate people. I just can’t. But at the same time, I just have to look into the mirror or see a picture of myself and I swear, I could rip my whole skin of. I could call myself the worst names and I do it in my head. I could burn myself alive. I am the worst and I deserve only the worst, that’s what I believe. I just hate myself so much and I can’t remember a time where I didn’t. I don’t know if there’s a big difference between hating yourself and hating somebody else but it’s just, I couldn’t ever be as awful to anybody as I am and have been to myself. Maybe I need all my negative feelings for myself. It sucks. I don’t want to hate myself this much anymore but it just gets worse day after day and I don’t find non selfdestructive ways to feel better. I wish I could