En-Raptored

this made me think of @lothcats and I’m not totally sure why.

@helianthusrex

i made the most undignified noises

thank for @’ing me

WE CAN’T PROVE THEY WEREN’T HUGE FATBIRDS

tfw when ur son and ur future husband are finally bonding but theyre doing it by roasting you

dont tag as yuuri/victor/yurio pls yurio is their son whom they love

Wonder Trade reunited me with my favorite starter. Totodile, Croconaw and Feraligatr of the Big Jaw family.

sometimes i feel like these ads really get me, yknow?

@helianthusrex

bring on the weird tractors

Sun & Moon starters and an Oricorio fancy fashion set

my brother and I like to play a game called spoons where we see who can put the most spoons on our cats before they get fed up

Reblog spooncat to ensure plentiful spoons in the coming weeks.

Forrest Gump (1994) dir. Robert Zemeckis

None of you are disappointments, and I love you all very much.

Please take care of yourselves, and if you cant, have your friends help. Heck even if you CAN, have your friends help, me included obviously.

You’re okay. You’re going to be okay. Don’t worry.

I’ve seen a lot of videos going around of urban-dwelling critters coming to humans for help with various problems, ranging from boxes stuck on their heads to young trapped down a storm drain, and it’s gotten me to thinking:

On the one hand, it’s kind of fascinating that they know to do that.

On the other hand, setting any questions of how this sort of behaviour must have arisen aside for the nonce, does it ever strike you how weird it is that we’ve got a whole collection of prey species whose basic problem-solving script ends with the step “if all else fails, go bother one of the local apex predators and maybe they’ll fix the problem for no reason”?

well, come to think of it, we’re at the top of the food chain but we almost exclusively hunt and kill prey out in the country. 

raccoons and possums and foxes and crows all succeed in an urban environment because they’re opportunistic and observant. and almost none of them would have observed us pounce on one of their species and then start eating it, you know? a lot of them would have observed that we scream and chase them out of wherever we don’t want them to be, but other animals are territorial too. but there’s a number of situations where humans feed whoever’s bold enough to take them up on the offer, and we do tend to pull garbage off of other animals as soon as they slow down enough for us to catch. ‘a human got me but nothing bad happened’ is a much more frequent thing than ‘a human got me and tried to eat me’.  

anyway like, we’re masters of our environment, we make weird shit happen all the time, we have lots of great food and sometimes we share, and we almost never eat someone. it makes sense for urban animals, over the last century or so, to just keep an eye out for opportunities to use us, and to pass the habit on to their kids. 

It really is a weird, funny thing. Like yeah, technically they’re predators, and they get pretty screamy, especially if you try to take any of their stuff… but given the chance it seems like they’d rather help us out and sometimes they’ll just randomly give you food, so???

I mean, I guess in fairytales and myths we’ve got our fair share of stories about dangerous people/creatures who might well kill you or otherwise ruin your life, but to whom people nonetheless turn for help in desperate circumstances. So it’s not like the perspective is exactly a foreign thing to our own mindset, really… It’s just that, y’know, we can’t actually go make a deal with the faeries when there’s something we can’t figure out.

(Which brings me to an interesting thought about the ubiquitous rule about never eating the faery food lest you find yourself forever unsatisfied with anything in the human world - and the potential parallels to the dangers of feeding wildlife human food lest they become addicted and too tame and dependent to be safe for either themselves or us. Hmm.)

Okay, but that last bit with the Fae…makes almost perfect sense.

Of the stories I’ve read, the food of the Fae, its origins and effects, are often strange and/or obscure.- Just like our food to most animals.

The Fae are strange beings that seem to know weird things that give them power or an edge over us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae work and live by strange rules also often nonsensical or obscure to us.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae can easily obtain vast amounts of things we consider rare/precious/desireable, and have no problem with dishing it out wantonly for no other reason than amusement.- Just like us to animals.

The Fae sometimes are amused by having us around, but only on their terms and IF it amuses/intrigues them.- Just like us to animals.

GUYS, I SENSE A PATTERN….

-they have arcane social conventions and the punishment for not paying the correct respects right is banishment, if you’re lucky, and death if you’re not.

-they have wild and unexpected parties where you’d least expect to find them, but if you’re bold enough to entertain them they’ll feed you and caress you and play with you all night.

-time runs strangely in their realm. their homes are summerlands: warm and bright, no matter the season. there is always fruit on their tables. but not everyone who comes in from the cold is let back out again.  

-their games are cruel and complex and unfair, but if you can beat them by their own rules you will access riches beyond imagining.

-sometimes they just fucking fuck with you, the fuckheads.

-they will absolutely steal your children away. when your children return— if they ever do— they will come back strange. they will have magic earrings or necklaces or bracelets. they will know things they shouldn’t. they won’t know things that they should. your strange children might survive, might even prosper, might take wives and husbands and have children of their own. but they will always be marked by their time away from your world.

-the price for pissing them off is always death. sometimes just you. sometimes your whole community. 

-if you are very good, and very smart, and very brave, they will grant your wish.

- they aren’t quite immortal, maybe, but they live a long, long time. Whole generations might grow up in the shadow of one of their nests. When one dies, it is a great and sad event, and many come from miles around to cry. 

THIS IS THE TIGHTEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN

REBLOG FOR CARRIE

Someone else on tumblr pointed out that PASSENGERS might have been a more meaningful movie if it was about just THE ONE person dealing with being alone on the ship for the rest of their life.  And if, to cope, they go through and make it a point to learn everything they can about all of the other people on the ship.

And I just keep thinking about this idea.

There are 4999 other people on that ship and what if the protagonist spent the remainder of their life (and they do live their full life) learning about each of them.

They took an interest in their hobbies so that they could have some sort of connection to them.

As their sanity flexed in an effort to cope, they could have had these really involved imaginary conversations with the crew about their interests. And by the end of their natural life they will have known everything they could have ever known about these other 4999 people.

…

AND THEN THE REST OF THEM WAKE UP. And they have some 90 odd years of security footage of this one crew member talking to each of them in turn. And it goes far beyond ‘I have figured out how to cook that one dish you were struggling with’ or ‘I have read THE SILMARILLION at your suggestion and Jesus Christ I have thoughts about it.’

They actually start making connections between all of the crew.

Like ‘You like bugs! You should totally talk to Cindy! She’s an entomologist!’

Or ‘Did you know that you and Said’s grandfathers were both in the same infantry?’

Or ‘You and Jamie are both avid bee keepers and I think you need to meet.’

Or ‘I know you’re really struggling with this, but Aneesha said she went the exact same thing and I think talking to her can help.’

And because all of these crew members are watching the videos that have been individually addressed to them (Because why not? They’re colonizing.  There’s not a lot yet available by way of entertainment) they sort of start talking to each other at the Protagonist’s suggestion.  And within a year they are THE MOST unified interconnected colony of any of the colonies because this one crew member broke the ice for them a lifetime ago.

Several of them are engaged.

Two are about to have children named after the Protagonist.

…

AND BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYONE NOW they notice when one week a crew member isn’t out and about and no one can get in touch with them.  So finally somebody goes to check and they find them huddled in a ball and mourning.

Because Protagonist is dead.

And the other people are like: ‘Yes. We know.  This is literally the first thing we knew about them.’

But Mourner is like: ‘You don’t understand. I got to the end.’

And then everyone realizes that the mourner has basically been BURNING through all of the videos Protagonist has addressed to them and got to the last one they made to them before they died. And Protagonist left a final message for each of them.

Suddenly everyone’s having a real frank conversation with themselves about how fast they’re going through their videos and if they’re prepared to keep going at that rate and get to the end, or if they should put it off indefinitely.

And one by one, in time, each of them realizes they can’t put it off.  Not only are they invested in the end, but they care enough about Protagonist to really acknowledge their death.

Each crew member does this at their own pace.  It becomes a rite of passage of sorts. And Protagonist is given some sort of proper memorial so the colonists all have a place to go when their time comes to grieve.

…

BUT BEFORE EVERYONE GETS TO THE END, someone has started noticing how Protagonist treated the robots on the ship over the years. And surprise, surprise, Protagonist named all the robots too and treated them like individuals depending on their quirks.  So now someone has finally solved the mystery of why droid 808 insists on being called ‘Bob,’ and why 239 knows ASL, and why the auxiliary robots are so salty about nobody ever being able to tell them apart.

Not only that, but security logs shows that the robots were about 19% more efficient when Protagonist was alive than they are now.  And THE VERY SECOND the rest of the crew starts observing the same habits Protagonist used in treating these robots ALL OF THAT EFFICIENCY COMES RIGHT BACK.

Because they missed Protagonist too.

…

And things settle.  Everyone thinks they’ve reached the end of Protagonist’s surprises.

…

THEN THEY ARE FINALLY ABLE TO START TRANSPORTATION BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THE OTHER COLONIES.

And a visiting party shows up.

The visitors are surprised to see HOW WELL everyone on this colony is getting along, because, wow, people are civil where they come from but GODDAMN.

And one of these visiting members is really excited to see their sibling. 

And ‘Oh, that’s so nice!  Who is it?’

And then the visiting member says a name every single person on this colony knows.

The colonists have to tell them what happened to their sibling, Protagonist.

But they also HAVE to tell the sibling what knowing Protagonist MEANT to them. And what Protagonist knowing THEM, meant to them.

And it’s sad.

The colony pretty much wholesale adopts Protagonist’s sibling as a part of their family because they don’t know what else they can do to fill that void.  But just in case, they give the Protagonist’s sibling THE ENTIRETY of Protagonist’s security footage.  Because there is 90 years of it and that way they can carry their sibling with them for the rest of their life even if only in video.

And then the colonists think:

‘This. This was the end of Protagonist’s story. And this was a good a proper way to observe it.’

…

AND THEN ONE DAY A SHIP SHOWS UP THAT IS NOT LIKE ANY SHIP THE COLONISTS HAVE EVER SEEN.

And the people driving it aren’t human.

They speak English and passable French.  They can chicken scratch Urdu, Mandarin, and Swahili.

Everyone is stunned and wants to know ‘why…?’ and ‘how…?’

And the aliens are just, like, ‘Oh. Protagonist.  We ran into them while you were in space. They told us you’d be settling here and asked that we check up on you whenever we were rolling by this quadrant next.’

‘They were really nice. Taught us English. Gave us the files on a couple of your other popular languages as well just to be safe. How’s the colonizing going anyway?’

And everyone thinks back to THAT ONE MONTH of security footage where Protagonist was NIGH IMPOSSIBLE to find.  And when they finally did come back to their normal routine they were really quiet and thoughtful for about a week before really getting back to themselves.

The linguists all suddenly remember that IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING THAT REALLY WEIRD MONTH, Protagonist had a new coded language saved to their personal affects and was very insistent that they LEARN IT.  ‘FOR REASONS.’

And very quietly, the entire colony makes peace with the fact that Protagonist established a very successful first contact while they were all asleep.

Because of course they did.

i read this comic for the first time at like 8 years old and it holds up as the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever seen

No matter how legitimately thrilled I am by a gift, I always feel like my “thank you"s don’t sound genuine

honestly there needs to be more awareness and support for disordered eating that’s not just about body image

shout out to people with spoilage or contamination phobias. to people with very specific food rituals that can’t be disturbed. to people with sensory processing issues that can’t deal with certain textures or flavors. to people that can’t eat food they didn’t see prepared. to people whose foods can’t touch one another because it makes all the alarms in their brain go off. to people whose severe anxiety is reduced to them being “picky eaters”.

your problems are valid; sometime’s it’s not as easy as “just try it”; it’s not rude to refuse food you don’t think you can eat; your diet is no one’s business but yours and your doctors’

you look fine to me

Pro-Tip

I know most people associate LUSH Cosmetics with white girls and bath bombs but products from this beautiful company have faded my scars and stretch marks, completely gotten rid of my acne, fixed my dry skin problems, thickened my eyelashes, laid my edges, made my hair grow like crazy… I can go on and on. I’ve actually never tried the bath bombs, but their skincare and haircare products work magic.

Fading Scars / Stretch Marks Organic Therapy Massage Bar

Extra Dry Skin King of Skin In-Shower Body Conditioner, Skin Drink Facial Moisturizer, Sultana of Soap Bar, Tender is the Night Massage Bar, Each’s a Peach Massage Bar

Acne Fresh Farmacy Solid Cleanser, Eau Roma Toning Water, Full of Grace Serum Bar

Thickening Lashes Eyes Right Mascara / Lash Milk

Edges R&B Hair Moisturizer (if you put this on your edges before wrapping your hair, they’ll be relaxer-straight when you wake up, lasts about 12 hours), Dirty Styling Cream (cream-based edge control with a matte finish, no more shiny or crunchy edges) 

Hair Growth NEW! Shampoo Bar, Retread Hair Conditioner

I was asked to list the rest of the products I currently have in my possession, so here y’all go!

FACE / HAIR STUFF

Magical Moringa Facial Moisturizer Oh my lordy. Let me tell y'all about this stuff. It’s marketed as a moisturizer but I use it as a primer because when you put this on your face, it’s completely matte. Like completely. All day. And it will lock your makeup in place like no other. You can sweat in it, swim in it, whatever. Shit won’t budge. Ever.

Jason & the Argan Oil Shampoo Bar Amazing for volumizing. It made the three bundles in my head look more like five when I used this thing the first time, I kid you not. Also gives your hair a really natural shine. I only use it when I really need a volume boost, otherwise it’s just too much.

No Drought Dry Shampoo If you have a weave, you need this stuff. Period. A lot of times, the natural oils in our scalps (referring to my fellow black women here) are too heavy for Brazilian, Peruvian, etc hair, and so it’s easy for weave to get weighed down between washes. Shake this stuff in your hair, brush it out - bam, flow city.

Honey Trap Lip Balm My favorite lip balm, ever. Really improves the texture of your lips and seals in moisture. However, this is not for fixing chapped lips - use Ultrabalm for that first, and then this to prevent them from chapping again. Also, pro-tip, if you apply it before liquid lipstick, your lipstick won’t crease or dry out all day.

MASSAGE BARS

Strawberry Feels Forever Smells like fresh strawberries! Has a much thinner consistency than the other massage bars, so it can be used every day, like a solid lotion.

Soft Coeur Smells like chocolate and honey, and is ridiculously moisturizing. More heavy-duty than the other bars, so I like to only use this one on spots like my knees, heels, and elbows.

From Dusk til Dawn The shape of this one is amazing. It’s shaped like a cone, so it gives a deep massage when you’re using it. Definitely recommend if you have any sort of muscle pain.

SCRUBS

The Rough with the Smooth This stuff smells soooo good. Like cotton candy. I use it before I shave because it really does an amazing job at removing any dead skin and it doesn’t leave a residue, so it won’t clog your razor. However, it’s a sugar scrub, so it melts super quickly.

Ocean Salt This is a heavy-duty scrub. Really amazing if you have dry, flaky skin, and the healing properties of the salt are really great if you have acne. It’ll dry it up and heal it super quick.

Cup o’ Coffee Face & Body Mask I’m on my fourth jar of this already. The coffee beans are ground up just enough to give a deep, yet gentle scrub and the caffeine in the bar really does wake up your skin and make it look brighter. Great for the morning.

Buffy It smells like a vacation, that’s really the only way to describe it. It’s an exfoliant bar and body butter mixed together, so you rub it all over while you’re still in the shower, and then rinse the sand off. After, rub the oils in and pat dry. No need for lotion after because it seals in the moisture from your shower.

SHOWER GELS / JELLIES

Rose Jam Shower Gel Smells like roses and has a really bubbly lather. More cleansing than moisturizing. I like to use it before a more moisturizing soap because it’s great for removing dirt and oil from the skin.

The Olive Branch Shower Gel A long-time favorite of mine. Great for dry skin, as it has a really creamy lather versus a bubbly one. Also, the smell is very calming and lingers for a long time.

Needles & Pines Shower Jelly It’s a solid shower gel (consistency of jello), and it smells like Christmas trees! I like to store it in the fridge and use it when it’s hot outside, super cleansing and refreshing.

SOAPS:

Roses All the Way Personal favorite! Smells like roses & vanilla ice cream. Super moisturizing and so, so creamy. Definitely buy if you suffer from dry skin.

Yog Nog Very moisturizing and the scent lingers for a really long time. Smells like snickerdoodles and eggnog.

Bohemian Not at all creamy, as it’s an exfoliating soap. It’s great to use on dark spots like knees and armpits because the exfoliants soften the skin and the lemon juice evens out your skintone. Smells like lemons.

Karma Another favorite. It has a super thin consistency but is still very moisturizing, so it’s a good shaving soap because it won’t gunk up your razor. Smells like incense and patchouli.

Figs & Leaves Smells like dirt and grass, in a good way. Super cleansing. As in your skin will literally squeak after using it, so I recommend using an in-shower moisturizer like King of Skin after using it.

OTHER:

Atomic Toothy Tabs Solid toothpaste that you crush up in your mouth. It sounds weird but these things are phenomenal. They really leave your teeth squeaky clean, and are the sole reason my teeth are so white - I don’t use any whitening products. This particular kind smells like cloves and cinnamon.

Ultrabalm All Purpose Balm This stuff is amazing. It’s an all-over balm for rough spots. I use it in the winter time on my hands and lips, because they get dry. I also use it year round on my face where I get dry spots, as it doesn’t clog pores.

Silky Underwear Dusting Powder Another holy grail. If you could turn cocoa butter into a powder, this would be it. It’s not drying like baby powder, it’s more silky (it’s also talc-free). I use it between my legs to prevent chafing and under my boobs when it’s hot outside to prevent sweating.

This is actually so helpful because a lot of times I go into lush and I just end up getting pink things and things that smell good because I don’t know what other products are worth purchasing!

Goodbye Princess and General.