Me, watching TV: I think a million ants should all swarm on this guy and do that thing where they release their pheromone so they know to bite at the same time and do that and kill him. That needs to happen I think
My husband: …
—
Me, five minutes later: Isn’t it great how pregnancy hormones haven’t affected me at all yet
My husband: …
i love nyquil. its just lile. detroit become liquid. i dont use the measure cup i just chug what feels right . im moving backwards through a brick wall rn
you could fit anything in me rn im so relaxed
for sure gonna shit the bed tonight
You’ve summed up nyquil in a way that most could not
hello
is there a reason for this? like is this part of a strike or something im not aware of?
i cannot believe im this fucking stupid
Ralph, pick a number between 1 and 10
four of course because it’s my lucky number
Good cause that’s your IQ
happy anniversary to the post that ruined my life
reblogcels when they see likechads interacting with a post without sharing it
replymies when they see the reply button
sorry i am on cindy's side
me too
You're laughing, Cindy was just possessed by his grandmother and you're laughing
AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY (1997) - dir. Jay Roach
seeing fanart of breaking bad characters hanging out is funny and i love it but it’s also insane in retrospect because i can’t think of any piece of media where every character hates each other so fucking much. like nobody in that show likes each other at all
breaking bad show:
walter white ruins everyone’s life around him in the most evil ways possible for basically no reason other than personal gain and dies a sad miserable lonely death and nobody mourns
breaking bad fanart:
jesse we have to take saul to mcdonalds
Reminder that people aren't entitled to see into your decision-making process unless you've agreed that they are. Just told a business acquaintance that I'd "just finished up my previous commitment". It's not their problem to know that it was DND.
Just to make sure no one schedules meetings on top of my D&D sessions, BUT ALSO to avoid any chance of my coworkers figuring out when I’m playing D&D, I always block sessions out on my calendar with the appointment title:
It’s not a lie, I’m discussing with a small group how to resolve conflict. Not my fault that the answer is often violence.
Bro I love you but if I saw in the communal calendar that one of my coworkers had attended thirty conflict resolution seminars over the last year then I would immediately assume they had committed innumerable acts of workplace violence and management was too scared to fire them
they are giving me way too much power with this character creator
ultimate white woman mode activate
Damn this bitch is deleting the manager 👀
I think we can guess why the blunt-headed burrowing frog is also known as the balloon frog.
sbiffs you
I feel like I'm wearing 3d glasses
Get sniffed idiot
Ow
No guys actually like classic cock. They just put it on when they’re in the car with other guys because it is the safest option and then they have to pretend to like it to each other to force a conversation
