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sixshooter665
sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog
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measureyourlifeincake

i know people make these kinds of posts with fictional characters a lot but like. hank green truly is one of The Most Guys Ever. like. he's one of the earliest youtubers who is still on there. he's a 43-year-old tiktok star. he's a science educator. he got cancer and his response was to make a tier list of the press's coverage of his cancer announcement. the president of the united states sent him a message of support and he told the president that he was pissing out the cancer. years earlier he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and his response was to write a polka song about it. he created vidcon. he's the ceo of a company that produces a shitton of educational series (well, not acting ceo at the moment due to the aforementioned cancer). his guitar says "this machine pwns n00bs" on it. he invented 2D glasses. one of his earliest videos to get popular was about animal sex. between him and his brother, he was known as "the science one" (or "the music one") while his brother was "the writer one," and then he wrote two new york times bestselling novels. his most controversial opinion is that butt is legs. he's done so many things that there is a website dedicated to counting the number of days since he started a new thing. he and his brother use their internet following to (among other things) fight maternal/infant mortality in sierra leone. he has a baked bean furby. hes even bisexual

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sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog

In 1998. his Winter Park High School classmates named him “Best Dancer.” He’s had an album on the Billboard Charts, and he won an Emmy for a web-based adaptation of Pride & Prejudice. He co-founded DFTBA.com, the Awesome Coffee Club, the Awesome Sock Club, and Sun Basin Soap--but doesn’t make money from any of them. Instead he’s led these brands to donate over $5,000,000 to a hospital in Sierra Leone. His companies, when he stepped down as CEO due to the cancer, had over 115 full-time employees, all of whom receive a living wage and good benefits. His production company, Complexly, has made educational videos with 5 billion total views, and helped hundreds of millions learn through SciShow and Crash Course. He is the sweetest dad to the world’s most amazing six-year-old, and the spouse of one of the funniest people you’ll ever meet, and he is loved--ferociously--by his brother. He truly is among the Most Guys Ever.

sixshooter665
astercrash
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ojibwa

every time i remember that photo of the little inuk girl with her puppy i engage in inconsolable hysterics

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ojibwa

this is it. this is the photo of all time

sixshooter665
a-salty-sal
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not-another-robin

Give me drawing suggestions but only if they're alfred related. Thank you

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a-salty-sal

Alfred cooking with baby Jason Todd.

#Alfred enjoying his one moment of peace and quiet a month#defending the manor from thugs during an Arkham escape or whatever with nothing but a shotgun and his knowledge of the manor’s layout 1/2#2/2 booby traps/hidden passage ways and it’s super easy for him and he’s enjoying it.#grandpa Alfred with his kids and grandkids (Batfam) gathered round while he tells stories.
sixshooter665
winged-bat
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winged-bat

it is you guessed it more hcs time 💛

- Tim needs to be reminded to put shoes on he normally just walks around barefoot all the time so he forgets he actually needs shoes

- There was a short time in childhood where Dick would only walk around in a handstand

- Damian sleeps with one if those blankets that have a hood and places to put your hands (its dragon themed so it has little wings and a tail)

- After he was forced to watch ‘How To Train You Dragon’ Damian had a really intense hyperfiction on all things dragon (he binged all dragon movies, it was all that filled his sketch book, he read up on the history of dragon etc etc)

- Steph has a problem of always bitting/chewing at her lips so they’re always super red

- Jason found out he loved garlic when he tried to put some on his nails to try and stop his nail bitting but it just made it worse

- Cass does stretches every morning and sometimes Duke or Dick join her

- They all built a massive blanket fort together in one of the empty rooms in the manor and then never took it down so they go in their all the time to just relax and maybe nap

- Duke has dry eyes all the time so he always keeps eyedrops on his person

- Jason always picks at his scabs

sixshooter665
confused-wanderer
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confused-wanderer

Do - do you think that Damian uses his pets to his advantage?

Like for standing guard the goons immediately call it quits when they see a cow with a bat mask with a katana in its mouth and poisonous horseshoes modified to fit its hooves?

Or when at 3 am Two Face tried to break into the Wayne Manor just to see a sea of glinting eyes in the dark that all growled and were focused solely on him? Harvey spent five hours trying to get the coin to land on its other side so he could call it quits.

Or the time the riddler met Alfred the Cat? No you don’t get to ask why he has third degree burns, lingering PTSD when he hears meowing or what happened between them.

But more so, when it comes to assessing his family’s mental health state as well.

Ace was a very smart boy, but unfortunately too obvious to the rest. So who alerts him to the most emotionally unstable person? Alfred the Cat.

If you have a dog come to you, it’s nothing special. But if a cat sits on you, would you move? Would you not absolutely gloat about it in front of your other siblings? Exactly. The fools monitor themselves by revealing with whom the cat stayed with most.

Watching Jason while he’s reading? Par for the course, Todd’s doing okay. Meowing aggressively at Tim while he does recon work? A normal behaviour for anyone unfortunate enough to encounter Drake.

But when Alfred finds someone not doing so well, he simply curls up on their lap. Easiest way to get them to sit still, have something to hold on to, acts like a weighed blanket, and gets the message to Damian. Ace and bat cow, along with his other pets, all act as intermediaries then to signal to Damian. They’re all an efficient team. Damian’s very proud of that.

So when Dick comes over to visit, and the moment he enters the cat launched itself at him and then refuses to get up, say no more Wally’s on his way.

Hanging onto Jason like glue (which Jason doesn’t mind he just makes sure the cat is sade and comfortable on his shoulder before continuing his work) somehow his favourite theatre performance is scheduled for that evening.

Nestling in Tim’s hair? Gee why are superboy, Kid flash and the rest of the the titans there? Better have some fun together then anyway, take Drake away I don’t care where or for how long.

The only other person aware of Alfred’s shenanigans is none other than the butler himself. He’s very pleased to see it happening and always rewards the cat well afterwards.

sixshooter665
a-sour-nectarine
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a-sour-nectarine

How to survive your stay at Wayne Manor: a guide.

  • Don't let Damian into your room. He tracks cat hair everywhere.
  • Do not challenge Cass to any type of competition unless you are up to losing.
  • Stay out of the east wing on the third floor. It isn't safe to be there after 6 p.m. or before sunrise.
  • Don't pet Titus if you have somewhere to be, he will guilt trip you into belly rubs.
  • Tim can be bribed with caffeine.
  • Don't ask Jason how his day was. You won't like the answer.
  • If you think you hear noises from the basement, don't bring it up. We don't actually have a basement.
  • The correct answer to "where are you going?" is "out." Don't be specific, and definitely don't lie. We already know.
  • There is no blonde woman playing the piano in the ballroom. It's probably a dream. Go back to sleep immediately.
  • Dick hugs. Prepare yourself.
  • Not all the kids here are Bruce's, but if it IS one of his and you guess wrong, you'll find yourself on the list. Best to just assume they are all Wayne kids. Most of the adjacents are used to it, anyways.
  • You might hear Jason yelling or even crying in his sleep. I know it's tempting to comfort him, but DO NOT ENTER HIS ROOM. Get Dick, Bruce, Cass, or Damian. Not Duke, and definitely not Tim. Don't touch him.
  • You don't need to know who "Ed" is. Don't ask, the answer will probably confuse you.
  • Damian can smell fear. So can the cow. The cow is nice. Damian is not.
  • You didn't hear a scream from the basement, there is no basement, remember? It's probably the building settling.
  • If the woman playing the piano in the ballroom is brunette, stay and listen for a while. She doesn't speak, but she enjoys an audience. Be polite. Don't clap between movements.
  • Alfred the cat is allergic to tuna. He likes tuna a lot. This creates quite a conundrum. Keep tuna in the fridge or pantry at all times, don't leave it out on the counter.
sixshooter665
azurepsychicchild
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azurepsychicchild

Batsis! Reader: you want me to come with you to a Gala?

Jason: Yes.

Batsis nodding: That'll 1000 dollars an hour

Jason, flabbergasted: Pardon?

Reader: I needs of source of income. Since you guys are always dragging me place I figured I would just charge you.

Jason: isn't that too much?!

Reader, innocent facade: Are you saying I'm not worth 1000 dollars?

Jason realising he's walked right into her trap: Of course not its just-

Reader: You're a literal crime lord

......

Jason: can I bring it with me tomorrow?

*she ends up getting money from all of them because no one communicates. It takes serveral months for them to figure it out she been playing them*

sixshooter665
heroesmakingbadchoices
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heroesmakingbadchoices

Thinking about based on where we are roughly on the sliding timescale, Jason Todd having a weird gap in his pop cultural knowledge from circa 2014-2019 that he’s made little to no effort whatsoever to close:

  • Dick making a reference that goes over Jason’s head and when he explains it to him, Jason being like “What do you mean everyone was obsessed with a musical about the guy from the fucking ten dollar bill?? Is this a joke?”
  • Steph having to break it to Jason that Vine fully collapsed right after he died and no one has made one since. Jason refusing to download Tiktok because it’s “not the same.”
  • Jason being even more hotheaded than usual for a few days and when Bruce asks what’s up with that, Duke having to explain “he just finished the final season of Game of Thrones.” 
  • Cass tracking Jason down and going “there’s this song that I think you would like,” just to play him Bad Guy for the first time. Jason thereafter unironically getting really into Billie Eilish’s discography.
  • Jason adamantly asking “Who the fuck would pay $130 for earbuds?” after Barbara explains that AirPods are on the general market and not in fact some cool Oracle gadget (she gives up on convincing him and just gets him some for Christmas).
  • Tim bringing up The Force Awakens, leading to Jason yelling in the cave for a full ten minutes about how “A WHOLE NEW STAR WARS TRILOGY CAME OUT AND NONE OF YOU FUCKING TOLD ME.” 
sixshooter665
galahadwilder
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galahadwilder

Every member of the Batfam ships Damian with someone different and they have frequent ship wars about it that are starting to resemble actual wars. (The argument on Raven vs. Jon left bullet holes in the Batcave wall; the argument on Colin vs. Maya nearly caused Tim to crash the Batmobile.)

Aroace Damian Wayne, meanwhile, is wondering why his family is so worked up about cargo liners.

sixshooter665
carol-in-au
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carol-in-au

a list of things the batfam does

  • steph draws tattoos on everyone’s hands with gel pens. Damian says he hates it but everyone can see he makes sure not to wash them off until he showers
  • jason says he’s not going to share his chips but he keeps the bowl away from his lap and pretends not to notice when his siblings steal some
  • bruce tiredly asks the kids to stop borrowing dick’s clothes without returning them, then goes on to wear a shirt of dick’s that jason stretched out
  • damian and steph plan drawing dates at least once a month. when dick found out, he begged to be included so they took it upon themselves to teach him some basic skills
  • dick asks tim for flirting tips bc he can do it well unless he reaally likes someone, that’s when he’s at loss for words. tim tells him he doesn’t have any and dick wonders how he has dated more people than him.
  • dick knows that if jason wants a hug he’ll just do it, and damian has warmed up to asking, but tim is still too hesitant so dick just throws himself at him when he feels like he might want one and tim never complains
  • unless he wants to look tough
  • steph once hosted a bake-off between jason, alfred, and bernard. she even walked around in their cooking spaces and interviewed them with cass, and then they judged the cakes with tim.
  • bernard won. jason took off his apron and stomped on it.
  • he picked it up immediately, folded it and congratulated bernard.
sixshooter665
cheerio07
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cheerio07

Tim: i had a dream i died last night

Dick: you mean a nightmare right?

Tim:

Dick:

Bruce:

Alfred:

Dick: YOU MEAN A NIGHTMARE RIGHT?!

sixshooter665
superherospinoff
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superherospinoff

thinking again about that time tim broke into dick’s apartment in bludhaven and immediately started making fun of his home security the moment dick walked in the door 

nightwing (1996) issue 6

and then the next time we see someone break into dick’s apartment (this time it’s a stranger trying to rob him) we find out that he has installed a human-sized glue trap in front of his home entertainment system (and coincidentally, right next to the window)

nightwing (1996) issue 12

this is a cartoonishly deranged thing for dick to put in his apartment as actual security but also i believe with my whole heart that this was meant for tim. this is cruel and unusual punishment for some random home invader but completely justified if it was actually meant to clown on one’s annoying younger brother all along

sixshooter665
batty-birds
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batty-birds

yk those little behavior chart things where you get gold star stickers if you behave well? the batfam has one in the cave

each batkid has a specific thing they get a star for doing/not doing

jason gets a star every time he doesn’t lethally shoot anyone (like, not causing any permanent physical trauma) / manages not to shoot anyone in general
it’s the same with damian but for stabbing/using his sword
dick gets a sticker every time he tells someone he’s injured instead of hiding it (he… doesn’t have very many stickers)
tim gets a sticker every time he admits he needs help instead of trying desperately to be perfect
steph gets a sticker every time she lets one of them check that she’s okay instead of brushing them off
cass gets a sticker every time she doesn’t put herself in pointless danger or take unnecessary risks
duke refuses to participate because he finds it weird and pavlovian, but he’ll still put some up for fun

they all get one every time they use healthy coping mechanisms instead of self-destructive ones

they make their own for bruce and he gets a sticker every time he actually talks about feelings/successfully comforts one of them

sixshooter665
cryptid-intraining
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cryptid-intraining

More Jason Todd Headcanons:

  • He refuses to take opiod painkillers no matter how bad he is hurting because he is terrified of getting an addiction like his mother.
  • To this day, Jason is the only one Alfred allows to help in the kitchen.
  • He never takes elevators. Self explanatory.
  • The other Bats have seen and heard him have nightmares before and they always assumed they were all about the Joker or maybe the League until one night when Jason ended up crashing at the Manor, Dick and Tim find him crying from the couch in his sleep and he calls out Bruce's name, begging and pleading until he wakes with a choked scream with a hand pressed tightly to the scar at his throat. They never ask but after that point both Dick and Tim struggle to look at Bruce in the eyes.
  • Related to that, Jason never told anyone about how Bruce cut his throat with a batarang because he always assumed none of them would believe him, that they'd just accuse him of lying.
  • Damian once threatened him with a crowbar and Dick had to physically restrain Jason from going after the small child with his knives. Dick had a serious talk with Damian after about not trying to re-traumatised your brothers just because they're retelling embarrassing baby stories your mother told them.
  • Edit because I'm bad at wording things and I've stopped caring about pissing Batman fanboys off: Jason is absolutely one of the best, if not the most formidable fighter in the Batfam. He has trained with Bruce since he was a kid, then the League, and was the only human to train with and survive the All Caste. He is fucking scary. But more than his physical prowess is his ability to get into people's heads, he studies people's flaws and weakness and uses that against them. He isn't just a great fighter, he's a intelligent fighter. One of his listed strengths on his Wiki page is literally 'tactican'.
  • His style of detective work isn't like Bruce's or Dick's. He grew up in Crime Alley, surrounded by crime since he was a kid, he understands how it works and how to use it to his advantage and he has resources and connections that none of the others have. He's less about the forensics and science and more about the people. What makes them tick and how he can use that to get what he needs.
  • Related to that, he also is insanely stubborn. He has grit, sure, but he is also afraid. He isn't afraid of death but he is so fucking scared of the possibility that if he dies again he might come back. In his words "the worse part of about his death was that it wasn't permanent." As such he will go further than most to prevent it from happening again. Even if that means enduring the worst pain imaginable because still to this day the thing that haunts him most, more than the warehouse and crowbar and Joker, was waking up in that coffin and realising no one was coming for him. That he was alone.
  • He hoarded food when he was first adopted by Bruce. And slept with a chair jammed under the handle of his door.
  • It took months for Jason to let Bruce or Alfred touch him as a kid. His only male authority figure had been Willis and it had instilled a strong distrust of older men in him.
  • Him and Stephanie both volunteer at shelters and food banks in their free time. Steph once invited Cass because she wanted her to see that Jason was more than just a killer.
  • Tim still flinches from him when he gets too close and it breaks Jason's heart a little. He's hurt people but it has always been him in control, his decision. The Pit Madness took that away from him, or at least it twisted his betrayal and hurt into rage and he still hasn't quite figured out how to apologize for that.