The signs as things my religion prof has said
Aries: Wanna hear a joke? But if you laugh you’re going to hell, so
Taurus: I mean really, what makes everyone happy? Barbeque!.. thought that seemed pretty obvious
Gemini: I had a good time. I didn’t think of any of you at all during the whole trip so yeah, it was good
Cancer: I just sat there… wondering what choices I could’ve made…. to not… be stuck in the life I have
Leo: if there’s not 5 days in your weekend then you’re not doing it right
Virgo: I’ve been up since 3:20, so- if I start any sentences with, “let me tell you what I really think,” I’m gonna have to shut that down
Libra: Just… Jesus [jazz hands]
Scorpio: [Muttering] ehhh… how do I explain this in a way that isn’t completely morbid?
Sagittarius: If you’re gonna kill somebody, make sure you do it ironically
Capricorn: Don’t ask a question you don’t already know the answer to
Aquarius: I mean, this is one of those times I hope you can hear sarcasm cause I didn’t really mean when I said that you were all gonna burn in hell
Pisces: I really hope God doesn’t have a plan for us cause like, my life is so off track. I wake up every morning and I’m like, “man, I must’ve screwed up the plan”