how do you infinite scroller webcomic people DO IT
stopping at an understaffed, overcrowded fast food restaurant while on a road trip and crouching over your phone with your chicken sandwich at a corner table like a weary adventurer eating a bowl of unidentifiable stew at a nameless inn, the only one for miles of moor and wood, taking in the chatter around you but speaking to none before pulling your cloak back up over your head and taking t' the road once more
Kicking the door in at a Popeye’s connected to a gas station to ask the most grizzled and battle-scarred customers to join me on a suicidal quest
Leaning over the counter of the TacoTime in Rexburg Idaho, asking if the 16 year old Mormon girl there has heard any rumors.
BLACK SAILS | Captain Flint INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE | Louis de Pointe du Lac HANNIBAL | Hannibal Lecter THE EXORCIST | Marcus Keane
- The Freezer Door by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore.
Let me seduce u with my knowledge on useless things
Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .
You can not just say this without dropping the whole story
Ok so,
My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.
The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn’t read the things written by Hand, because he wasn’t wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he’s like:
“Oh, sorry sir you can’t do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)”
The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen’t take the document with him.
The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:
This is a robbery
Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead
theprofessional-amateur-deactiv
I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).
So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.
A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:
Her: how can I help you today?
Him: I’m here to get money
Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*
Him: all the information is on the paper
Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper
SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.
Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.
ONE HOUR LATER
Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.
To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”
Her: I am so embarrassed
FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-
Her: I feel so dumb!
FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)
I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.
He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you’re shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.
So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.
“Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it’ll go through and not hit anything vital and I’ll be able to quit this fucking job. I’ll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register.”
This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming “SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY”.
One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he’d been shot at once.
One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.
My uncle pointed at the “No Smoking” sign and told him in no uncertain terms, “Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first.”
This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.
My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.
This is the Bugs Bunny school of robbery reaction.
This is the EXACT equivalent of interrupting the coyote who’s chasing you with a DMV office where he has to wait in line and fill out a form.
But with the added bonus of You Walked Into A Bank, Sir, Did You Not Expect To Have To Do Bank Things?
I love it.
A little experiment with color ♥
It's fine. Play along. Fluster it a little.
"Wow... You did a pretty good mimicking my partner..."
Reach out and stroke its cheek for good measure.
"But don't you know it's better to ask permission before holding a stranger's hand, darling~?"
GREGORY EDDIE + his takes on food and drinks
#oh boy let’s go ok so#I want most of my body cremated#but my skull preserved#and my ashes turned into twin sapphires#and set into the eyes of my skull#and I want this cursed demilich object to be put in an antique shop#I want to end up on the mantle of a strangers living room#glimmering eyes always watching#a conversation piece
the summer is like well what if it was unbearable outside and you can't wear any cool jackets. and everyone's going to tell you that this is the best time of the year. and you're the crazy one
explain your gender in 10 words or less without using boring words like “male”, “female”, “nonbinary”, “masculine”, “feminine” or “androgynous”.
go!
”TELL THEM I’M NOT HERE”
Whichever bathroom has the shortest line/whatever is funnier at the time.
“that character is a war criminal” that character is from a fictional fantasy world and did not attend the geneva convention
hard agree with these tags specifically
oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too.
one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.
“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.” (mikko harvey)
for example i think flint though he wants sooooo badly to be a Feminist Ally you can see in his original sidelining of miranda in his dismissal of max in the fond but slightly condescending way in which he treats eleanor that he's very much a Man. he's my best friend of course but he would be less interesting if he didn't have that blindspot. it's a good character flaw, one that makes sense, and one that i think he was becoming aware of by the end of the story, after meeting the maroon queen, seeing max's new position in nassau and working at madi's side.
i think it's so interesting that silver on the other hand seems much more aware of the power a woman can wield, especially a woman like max and obviously this ties into my interpretations about his past but i think it makes sense that someone who was in the same world as max wouldn't underestimate sex workers. however this doesn't stop him from reducing madi to a unidimensional little cardboard cutout of a Wife, which is very interesting because it comes very much hand in hand with his newfound identity as a Pirate and the type of Manhood that a pirate must embody. not just a pirate at that but a King. something there for sure.
