Lair of the Johnson

noticed my coworker was on tumblr so i told them “i like your shoelaces” and they said “never say that out loud to me”

this is the correct response btw

as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

sorry. only semi-related but i simply wasn't ready for "the sun is a distant gorilla". thank you NASA

80 years old... he shouldve been at the club

the best britticism is "taking the piss" 100%. no word for this in the president's english

ok in response to that post bc im genuinely curious. for science.

reblog for bigger sample size

Artwork from a 1990 promotional sticker given out in the Deichmann shoe store chain in Germany with the purchase of officially licensed Mario shoes. The artwork is based on the original Japanese cover of Super Mario Bros., with the characters redrawn to resemble their designs from the Valiant Super Mario Bros. comics.

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My mom gave me some gluten free knock-off Girl Scout cookies and one of the Os fell off

You know what. Fuck you.

*unhallows your ween*

*shlorp*

How’s it feel to be the funniest person on tumblr?