as time went on, i think i just got good at hiding my sadness and crying in privacy and less *~oversharing*~ about my feelings (except sometimes here lmao) and now i feel like i’m pedceived as v posi vibes and i do feel like i’m a significantly better person than i used to be but sometimes i hate how i started to develop anxiety about showing my sadness
i really want to get into nursing school this cycle but i really don’t see it in the near future :/ i guess the timing isn’t right for me right now but i’m just ready to do something w my life and i despise this feeling of being 50% dependent on everyone around me and 50% independent... i’d like it to be 100% for the latter
there’s somewhere i wanna be in life right now but its so out of reach. but i want it, i want it, i want it so the best i can do is hope that i’ll get there... there’s still many days where i feel hopeless and consistently fear failure but i just have to keep thinking i’ll get there even if i fail. i just have to stop pouring over the time aspect of my goals bc it definitely is my downfall. everybody has a different story w/ a different set of chapter and pages so you!!! are!! fine!!!! - — side note i’ve been doin’ reflecting and its kind of crazy how sadness and loneliness work; i used to see it as this all-encompassing feeling that was the bane of all my problems but at some point, i think i just become at ease with it. it’s just always there but its not really all-encompassing anymore (even tho some days it can be)... idk, i spend a lot more time alone now - maybe even moreso than the beginning of uci - but its a very different type of loneliness, like a content loneliness? (lol does dat make sense) rip idk
gentle reminders if you’re sad:
A reminder that it’s ok to have a day where you do nothing. It’s ok to have a day where all you do is get through the day. It’s called taking care of yourself and it's important.
have u ever been in a mood to destroy your relationship with everyone you know
The color of the sky just before sunset [on Saturday afternoon]
Friendly reminder: when people say ‘as long as you tried your best’ it doesn’t mean ‘the best you could possibly have done ever’ it means ‘the best you were capable of at the time.’ Sometimes ‘trying your best’ is just getting out of bed in the morning. Just because you weren’t working yourself to the bone doesn’t mean you weren’t trying your best.
There is literally nothing in nature that blooms all year long, so do not expect yourself to do so.
