assflash newshole
ill never forget the dream i had about this show on nickelodeon that was kind of like malcom in the middle and even stevens and it was called Bitchboy Naughty and like every time they went to a commercial it would fade out w/ kids singing “Bitchboy naughtyyyyyy’ i wish u could hear this tune bc its been stuck in my head for months
kinkshamer69
not to sound too millennial here but it annoys me so much when I’m at a restaurant and someone I’m with will complain about the service being slow like buddy pal it’s fine it’s not that important
botesregias
You didn’t waited 40 minutes for a dinner before haven’t you?
i have but i also have, like, real problems
y’ALL THE LASER GUN SCENE IN JAPANESE IS GREAT! PIDGE’S LASER GUN NOISES ARE SO CUTE I CRY!!!
Artist Hank Schmidt travels to scenic locations only to paint the pattern on his own shirt.
alexhursch
chaotic neutral
knittinggiantbeanies
knittinggiantbeanies
I was spectating someone and they died and i don’t think it could’ve been in a funnier position and with a better character
imagine your current friend group but dwayne the rock johnson is an unquestioned part of it
thepreciousthing
dwayne the rock johnson is always welcome in my social circle if he chooses to come by
my fever thoughts the last two days:
While sick in bed I kept thinking, or rather my brain kept thinking with or without my input, about the sheer overwhelming volume of fiction human beings have produced, like the number of myths, legends, novels, comics, games, movies, plays, original characters and even dreams and imaginary friends felt so vast and all encompassing that it seemed to dwarf all of our other achievements as a species and the sheer immensity and pointlessness of it all felt almost terrifying until suddenly my foggy mind was like “whoa, whoa, wait, WAIT A MINUTE….THAT’S WHAT WE ARE!!!!!! WE’RE THE STORYTELLER PLANET, THAT’S OUR THING IN THE UNIVERSE!”
So that turned into all these scenarios where for whatever reason most other sentience races could have technological power beyond our comprehension but still no knack for concocting even rudimentary child-level fiction and are so easily entertained by any shit we can make up that it’s basically our superpower
Humans end up paying their way across the galaxy just making things up as they go along and even our worst most garbage pieces of media become an almost priceless commodity.
You’re cornered by a tentareaver from the bloodstar or whatever and she’s all “SO, EARTHBEAST…TELL ME ONE OF THESE FAMOUS FICSHUNS OF YOURS AND I’LL CONSIDER SPARING YOUR LIFE”
*sigh*…okay, once upon a time there was a tentareaver…
“WAS SHE OF THE FLESHRENDER CASTE????”
….Yes, the most beautiful fleshrender in her whole clusterhive.
“TEE HEE”
#humans confirmed for space bards MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY
Only, lots of humans go, “My stories are all crap. You just don’t understand.”
And their nonhuman friends go, “No I don’t. Your stories are mindblowing. How can you just come up with these things?”
“They’re just drabbles and junk!”
“Awesome drabbles and junk…?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
—
On the other hand, the “super-awesome-amazing” writing that humans are referring to as “actual writing/stories” are restricted materials for non-humans because they can be dangerous to the unprepared minds.
Memetic logic bombs.
Published human fiction must go through a vetting committee before they are pronounced “safe” for non-human consumption.
jewishzevran
I have a slightly hard time figuring out how a culture that has no concept of fiction could appreciate fiction.
BUT. Let’s take a leaf out of Michael Ende’s book, more or less literally, and say that they may have stories, but they can’t make up stories. (Where did the original stories come from? Shhh. Who knows. Someone else make up that part.)
So it’s not so much that humans are storytellers as that they’re story-makers, and that’s what so blows the collective universe’s mind.
“Where did the original stories come from?”
Uplift scenario, perhaps. Species A was given sapience and a set of stories by Species B, who went extinct and/or lost interest in Species A long ago.
Also, they could just be recountings of actual historical events, perhaps still perfectly accurate or perhaps skewed through centuries of misremembered details. Some have narrative, because even real life does sometimes, while others are just very dry - but it’s what they’ve got.
And then comes along these weirdly tented story makers. These “humans” who are first overheard telling tales to their young to help them get ready for sleep by telling them stories, all the once upon a time stuff handed down with new twists based o a changed sky, asteroid belt, moon number, and new races as heroes and villians. The other species are astounded by the ability of these creatures to weave stories of complexity they wave off as “nonsense.”
“Those are just fairy tales,” the human says.
“What are fairies?” Demand their fellow inhabitants.
“Little people, with like wings and magic powers.” The human shrugs. “They’re not real”
“You mean the arboreal races of N'Sylerth?”
“No, just made up creatures to make sense of things early people didn’t understand. ”
“Wait, your kind just makes up creatures?”
“Only in folklore.”
“What’s folklore?”
And that’s how humans were found to be the story makers.
When the miners of Dawajok 4 were trapped without contact for five days, all feared for the survivors. Bad enough that they had suffered a cave-in that that killed many of their colleagues. Bad enough that they had been dependant on emergency food and oxygen stores in the shelter for that time until the drills could get deep enough to re-establish contact.
But the miners had been stuck in the stifling dark with no way to carry out their purpose for 5 days, and all feared for their sanity.
So imagine the shock when contact was re-established and all were in relatively good spirits.
Geological Investigation Staff were baffled.
And then it was revealed that there had been a human down there.
Suddenly everything made sense.
“First, Abby told us fairy tales, then she started telling us what happened in some of her favourite TV shows. Then when she ran out of material she started telling us about fanfiction she read about those shows. It was amazing. I have never experienced the like, and feel privileged to have been given the opportunity,” said a Ssstalil, undulating in excitement.
The rest of the mining crew agreed, each with different explanations of what had made the stories good, but all agreeing that the human with their marvellous gift had managed to keep them sane.
Quietly, the mining company in question reversed its previous policy to avoid hiring the relatively physically frail humans where possible.
Brawn, after all, could be provided by almost any species.
Infective psychological resilience though. That was both rare and invaluable.
These blogs become standard issue to all the ships because we are just a catalogue of theme relevant short stories for human space bards (that’s my new tag for this stuff) to read to keep the aliens entertained
istillfuckwithdemilovato-deacti
some kid on tumblr: hey man if youre feeling down i like to take a nice hot shower to cheer me up
some fucking troglodyte: op clearly has never been depressed. in fact this post made my depression worse. nice going clarence Op why do you hate mentally ill people janet. why did you do this Kimberly
shakesthetics-deactivated201810
the moth, the man, the legend
“we’ve explored more of space than the ocean….”
I mean. Well. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically, but… that’s… wrong. That’s not true. I might not know a whole lot about space but I am pretty sure that it’s sorta the biggest thing there is.
some kind of weird inverted universe thing where space is finite and a few miles deep at most and the ocean goes on forever and the seafloor is actually the event horizon at the edge of our lightcone
periegesisvoid
Flat Earth conspiracies
