Okay so! Gonna do this with my small town and just trade out names and cross my fingers that is doesn’t feel too familiar to anyone who reads this!
My town is named after a Revolutionary War Hero, so let’s go with Laurens. Now in the town of Laurens there are not that many people. Somewhere below 2500 and above 1500 depending on the year we’re looking at. Lately it’s been on the lower end.
There are a significant number of people who have grown up here, lived here, and died here, and some folks are really dedicated to keeping that tradition alive.
This means that there’s a whole group of people in every generation that grew up in Laurens together and are still here together. They have a tendency to get married to each other, maybe have a kid or two, and then get divorced, only to marry someone else they’ve known their whole goddamned life.
This is what we call the Laurens Shuffle. Every five to ten years, a group of couples will all get divorced, and then—surprise!!—they’ve rearranged and are all dating another recent divorcee.
I know people who are currently dating that were—when we were, like, five years old—step siblings. There are so many half- and step-siblings that saying “your dad” or “your mom” in conversation to someone’s younger sibling about the wrong person is like risking stepping on a land mine. I’ve just started assuming that everyone is related somehow.
Then you have the Batt Family. Obviously the name is changed. But this family is massive. I’m talking at least 20% of the community is related to this family if not a member of this family. So literally so many people are related.
Anyways, when both of your parents are from different cities and states and your nearest relatives live two states away, trying to keep track of all this is a fucking trip.
