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The Glorious Nosebleed

@shroompuss

bruised lips, shapely hips I'm a fountain of blood in the shape of a girl.
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โ€œDelete her number.

Stop ringing her. Stop messaging her. Stop making excuses to see her, to drop by her place.

Erase her name from memory. Remove yourself fromย her life, more completely than you would like but as completely as she deserves. Move on, so that you can allow her to also move on. When you close your eyes, you donโ€™t get to see her face. Not anymore. You donโ€™t get to think about her lips, the warm glow of her skin when she rests next to you, or how she squeezes your hand in her sleep. You are not allowed to remember the smell of her perfume, that she only drinks mint tea (with two dollops of honey), or that she loves you.

She loves you.

She has been in love with you for too long.

So, forget how she says your name. Forget how she calls your name. Forget how she screams your name. Forget that time you got sick and she stayed up with you all night, letting you lay your head in her lap and holding a cold compress to your forehead. Forget how her hair feels in your fingers. Forget how she looks in your sweatshirts.

Forget her.

Know only that she existed at one point in your life, but relinquish all hope that she could exist at another point โ€” sometime in the future that you are unwilling to specify because you donโ€™t know what you want. Yet. It is not fair for you to swoop in and out of her life as you choose. It is not fair for you to say that you are satisfied with โ€œthings as they areโ€ and you will have time to โ€œfigure it outโ€ later. Let her stop investing emotionally in you. Let her pour that love and care into the people who deserve her.

Donโ€™t tell her that you think about her all the time. Donโ€™t tell her that it bothers you to hear about her with other people, but that youโ€™re willing to understand as long as she likes you more than them. Donโ€™t tell her that this isnโ€™t the right moment but that there will be a right moment. There is not going to be a right moment. She shouldnโ€™t have to wait for the right moment.

Donโ€™t tell her that you canโ€™t handle ultimatums, that you donโ€™t like the idea of finally adding finality to your relationship โ€” whatever still remains of it.

What you are telling her is that you want to keep her on as an option, that you are taking her for granted, that you want to know she will be there, that you can depend on her at the end of the day. When you find that no one else has stuck around or that those who have are less interesting, less thoughtful, or less doggedly loyal to you.

Doggedly loyal to you.

That is what she has been to you, for you almost as long as you have known her: a constant emotional crutch, the guarantee of stability, a safety net while you reach out to grasp objects that sparkle and shine far greater than she does. All that glitters is not gold, havenโ€™t you heard?

She is fire. You are ice, and you are afraid that her slow burn will smolder your cool, hard demeanor. Thatโ€™s what has driven your decisions, your actions all along: fear. You are a coward. You are a hypocrite. You are terrified to let her go, but you are afraid she is too good for you, that she could drive you wild, that you would choke on her flames. That she is too much for you to handle right now.

Right now.

But if you choose not to love her now, you canโ€™t choose to love her later.โ€

- Lauren Hooper

.-.

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shroompuss

Oh fuck

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Anonymous asked:

What is a bound soul?

What I identify as. A soul bound to flesh and bone. A soul bound to material things. A soul bound to emotions, feelings, thoughts. A sound bound on this plane of existence. The explanation is endless.

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Anonymous asked:

Just wanted to say if he doesn't take you back, it's his loss.

It'll be my loss too. But yes it would be his loss.

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Anonymous asked:

Can I have your opinion, advice on something?

I'll try my best, what's up love?

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reblogged
Anonymous asked:

ur a fuckin loser a selfish fuckin loser I can't believe alex loves u

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shroompuss

I love him because he's done nothing but take care of me for the last fucking year of my life. I love him because he's my best fucking friend. I love him because he knows I'm capable of so much more and he won't hesitate to kick my ass just so I can see it. Don't you ever message him anything like this again.

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Anonymous asked:

Girl you back in Cali like smoke that good weed, eat avocados and live life. Knock that depression on it's ass ๐Ÿ˜‰

Honey my life partner is on the other side of the country with both of my fur children and family/friends haha. I'm not too stoked to be in this hot, busy bodied frenzy of a state but yes good weed and avocados are dope too haha