The voice in your head knows all your secrets

Watch later is like a time box that you will never open

Ultron was on the internet for 5 minutes and decided all of humanity needed to go.

Cats are always upset because they're nature's perfect killing machines, but humans keep picking them up and saying how cute they are.

"Ima" is a three letter contraction of a four word phrase

Gas stations in the olden days were bales of hay.

Somewhere in the world someone is known in their friend group as the guy who took a pornstars virginity.

It was a missed opportunity not calling veterinarians dogtors.

Driving drunk decreases your chances of dying of cancer

Happy birthday to approximately 47,671 of you. 🎁

Water tastes amazing for something that has no taste.

Some wolf once decided to be friendly with some weird apes and that turned out to be maybe the wisest survival play in all Evolution

The argument "Would you have liked to be aborted" Anti-Aborters use is losing it's purpose with the millenials and their inherent desire of dying

We think "niiice" but we type "niceee"

"Thicc" is actually the most accurate slang term because the "cc" resembles the booty

100% of people that read this are going to die

Kids who wouldn’t let you borrow a pencils in class grow up to not let you merge on the highway

If James Hetfield officiated Kermit and Ms. Piggy's wedding... he'd be the Pastor of Muppets....

People who don’t like to read books read a lot online

Kelvin (K) is literally an absolute unit.