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sleepdeprived

@shizpostluver

myfandomskeepmeupatnight

injury

AN: this was supposed to be Vincent x reader, but I guess you can read it as all brothers x reader. also i apologize if this isn't good, i'm currently trying to write a real fic, and it's kind of difficult. i'm praying to the writing-gods though.

Warnings: description of an injury, mention of needles and syringes

The front door flies open with an audible 'bang' as the long-haired artist carries you inside the residence. Behind him trail his brothers, in your peripheral you see Bo’s tense jaw as he tucks his gun away.

why are birds so cursed

A Non-Comprehensive List of Birds That Piss Me Off

1. Dracula Parrot. This thing pisses me off like, a bunch

2. King Vulture. the felted craft project equivalent of a haunted ventriloquist dummy

i will never not resent this bird 

 3. Jacana Bird. This is the most unnecessary cursed nonsense. i deserve an apology for having to look at this. I can feel its fingers stroking my ears

No it does not have SIX FREAKING LIMBS. it’s carrying its stupid creepy spawn under its wings. A+ parents but still, piss off. even the normal 2 legged version isn’t much better

put those AWAY.

4. The Shoebill, which i’m sure we’re all sick of hearing about. this thing is the epitome of a crappy photorealistic cgi disney villainy. i despise this bird.

also this is what they look like standing up. i just feel like i shouldn’t have to deal with that, i really do.

5. Inca Tern. truly, hipsters ruin everything

6. Tragopan. it looks like a star wars species, which i dislike on principle 

7. The Secretary Bird. it wears yoga pants.

also i’m uncomfortable with the length of its eyelashes

8. finally, i really dislike this one specific parakeet

in conclusion, these birds exist to haunt me and this knowledge is a burden. birds exist to observe our sin; always watching, they are filled with malice. flee from them

this was intended as an humorous post but based on replies some of u have been genuinely cursed i think

frienclzone-deactivated20200512

choking on water is the worst because how do you stop choking? drink something? well ive got some bad news for you

Lean your head forward, preferably to knee level, and let the water kind of drain out of your mouth. When your are able to, take deep slow breaths. No heimlich maneuver or physical assists from somebody else should be used beyond this, otherwise you could vomit and escalate the issue. Its about keeping the larynx open. Hopefully this helps.

Reblog to fucking save a life.

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polteaageist

#i like to think data took him all the way to the brig tossed him in and left#and then came back 60 seconds later and was like ‘i believe i have successfully played a ‘practical joke’ on you :)’#riker loses it & claps him on the back like ‘wow. good job u rly had me going. dont ever fucking do that again’ Perfect.

Actually it’s 73 seconds. Data, knowing something of how human minds work, estimates that Riker will give him 60 seconds to come back (because humans prefer “round numbers”, however arbitrary the units). After 60 seconds it will take 4 seconds for Riker to fully process the conclusion that Data is, in fact, not coming back after all, and an additional 9 seconds to build to the optimum level of anxiety. 

After all, comedy is timing.

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Group of friends who are close because they all have the same superpower except no they don't.

As in, they all think the other ones have the same superpower as them, but, in fact, they do not.

For example:

Time traveler who always is running into these other people who seem to know what's going on or what will happen and is so happy he can finally share his travel stories.

Precognitive who is relieved he isn't the only one with the gift and who is glad to get help averting future disasters.

Mind reader with a horrible memory who tries to stay on top of things by skimming surface thoughts. You want to talk about next week's election results and how they changed the next decade? She's with you.

Totally normal guy who thinks the others have the absolute best bit ever and loves playing along.

They save the world at least twice without a single clue shared between the four of them.

It happens like this:

Okay but at SOME POINT they have to figure it out right?

I'm picturing them out at a bar. Precog has been having a rough time of it lately, something causing their powers to fritz out about their relationships.

They're bemoaning how hard it is to find a decent person and how even with all their abilities and in such a big city they can't find someone who knows how to be good in bed AND not an asshole irl.

Mind reader is casually picking up general thoughts from around the bar, as is their habit--never know when a Bad Guy will appear, and this lets them get a bit of a heads up--when their attention is drawn by the particularly LOUD thoughts of a man a table back and three over.

He has been captivated by Precog's beautiful hair and wonderfully eclectic outfit since they walked in. But he's shy, and wistful, and has been working up the courage to maybe say hello for the better part of an hour.

Mind Reader, a romantic at heart, and six drinks in,, blurts out, "You should go ask out the guy with the red flannel. He's got nothing but really nice thoughts about you."

Precog chuckles bitterly after giving Red Flannel Guy a once over. He's looking down at his book, drinking a dark ale, and avoiding all eye contact. "Yeah, right.. What, are you some kind of mind reader now?"

"Yes??" Mind reader replies, confused. "Aren't we all mind readers?"

"WHAT?" Time Traveler and Precog demand at the same time.

Normal guy is just shaking his head ruefully, downing his shot of whiskey and beckoning the bartender for another. He's mostly used to the ridiculous claims of his friends--sure, you REALLY DID meet Teddy Roosevelt, and I'm sure he appreciated being told which pocket to keep his speech notes in so he wouldn't be killed, mhmmmm--but this is pushing it, even for them.

My favorite thing about Hopper acting as Steve’s parent is him looking at Steve and going: this is my son, he’s a angel, he can do no wrong (knowing full well that he broke up over 2 dozen parties at Steve’s house when he was younger than 16 and found him black out drunk/stoned many times)

Then he looks at Steve’s boyfriend, notorious drug dealer nerd, Eddie Munson and goes: horrible, stinky stinky man, terrible influence (when Eddie was caught AT those Harrington parties)

Eddie’s on the couch shirtless, and Steve is having a full-on crisis.

Eddie’s bare chest is on full display on Robin and Steve’s couch, and Steve is having a full-blown, how did this not click til now, crisis.

Steve knows he’s staring. Knows he needs to stop staring. Eddie is going on a rant to them, something about society or something metal (he got distracted when Eddie whipped his shirt off), and Steve should really pay attention because he knows Eddie is going to quiz him after.

For someone who hates school so much, Eddie sure likes to test Steve.

Robin comes up behind Steve, slurping her slushy. “Oh no. I know that face. It finally caught up to you, didn’t it?”

Steve breaks his state to give Robin a wide-eyed look. “What—how—I—“ Steve’s shoulders sag; there is no point in hiding from Robin. “How’d you know?”

“Please, babe, I’ve been waiting. Glad to know you actually sped-run this. Was thinking you were going to pull a me and wait til Jenny Rodriguez asks to practice the stage kiss with you before you realized.”

“I have so many questions.”

“Don’t bother; nothing happened except me falling off the stage at rehearsal.”

Steve laughs but then chokes when he glances back at Eddie. “I think my brain just exploded, Robs. What do I do?”

Robin pats his back sympathetically, “There, there. Nothing you can do, bud. Just got to ride the gay thoughts wave.”

Steve makes a distressed noise. Robin rubs circles on his back.

Eddie interrupts their moment (clueless to the evident lesbian bisexual solidarity happening), “So what do you guys think? Should I get the sword here?” Eddie drags his hand slowly down his sternum.

“I need you to take it back.” Steve whips his head torwards Robin.

“Take it back?”

“The crisis, take it back.” Steve all but begs Robin.

“Sorry, there is a no refund policy. You can use it or push it to the side; it’s up to you. But either way, that baby is yours.” Robin uses her straw to emphasize her point.

Eddie tilts his head confused, “Uuuh guys? The tattoo?”

Steve waits a moment before responding. “Good.”

“I’m going to need more than that Stevie.”

“Good. Will look good on you. Anything looks good on you.” Steve has to resist shoving his face into his hands. He can feel the rush of heat up to his cheeks.

Eddie’s face breaks into a brilliant, and a little smug, smile. “Awe, thanks, sweetheart. Glad to know I got the Harrington approval.”

“You don’t need my approval to look good.” Steve was going to throw himself off the roof of their apartment. That didn’t even make any sense.

Eddie snorts, “Okay big boy. Whatever you say.”

It comes off flirtier than Steve thought a sarcastic comment could be. This time instead of responding, Steve just caves into the embarrassment, turns around, and starts lightly thumping his head into the wall.

“Eddie, c’mon, you broke him! Now I’m going to have to reboot him…again.”

Steve doesn’t see his face but doesn’t have to look to know that Eddie’s face is downright giddy. “Sorry.”

Steve doesn’t think he’s very sorry at all.

book banning is unequivocally bad and worth being concerned about, but it's funny how this practice has survived into the internet age, where information is more readily available than it's ever been in human history.

"ACK! my kid is going to learn Gender Queer at the school library" dude your kid has a porn machine in his pocket and you pay for it.

Anonymous asked:

Mia my beloved. Please. I require serotonin. Give me incorrect headcanons about the upper moons.

Daki: claims to be a name brand influence but only has 9 subscribers and a sponsorship from shein.

Gyutaro: Smells like a whole foods & works as a babysitter but really just puts on Cocomelon before fucking off to bully kids in Fortnite.

Gyokko: A monster-fucker who became his kink after his application for aquarium janitor got rejected.

Hantengu: Has egg farts 24/7 and blames it on others.

Akaza: Forced to take anger management classes & banned from local magic tournaments for being 'too enthusiastic'.

Douma: Identifies as an unproblematic hetero but is actually just the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

Kokushibo: Doesn't talk to anybody to hide the fact that he's legally blind & has extreme social anxiety.

Muzan: Desires immortality in order to become the next tumblr sexy man...or the grinch. Whichever comes first.

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every time I read about this Disney vs DeSantis thing and the bit about how the agreement doesn't end “until 21 years after the death of the last survivor of the descendants of King Charles III, king of England" all I can think about is some bumbling caper where the Florida government repeatedly tries to assassinate the entire royal family just to spite Disney