Uncharted @shitmygaywifesays edit 5/?
Hey friends!!!! We have well surpassed 15k followers!! THANK YOU! I’m totally floored and honored and delighted that you all find baby as funny as I do! We would LOVE to do another Q&A video to celebrate this follower milestone, so asks are officially open if you have any questions for us!
If you want my wife and I to answer your question on video, please specify somewhere in your question that it is for the video! Depending on how many we get we may not be able to answer all of them, but we will try! Thank you SO MUCH!
Last reblog! Dunno exactly when we'll record the video, but we'll let you know when asks are closed for this! <3 Kisses! Love you!
Me, putting together the shopping list: Babe, do you want me to get bread?
My wife: I want you to get FUCKED.
My wife (shoving doritos into her purse): I'm taking the doritos to work, fuck you.
Me: That's okay, I hate them.
My wife: Well, good!! More for me!! (pauses) This is good. This is good. I can leave you with my baby.
Me: What?
My wife (brightly): I can leave you with my baby, and you won't be a dingo.
Hey friends!!!! We have well surpassed 15k followers!! THANK YOU! I’m totally floored and honored and delighted that you all find baby as funny as I do! We would LOVE to do another Q&A video to celebrate this follower milestone, so asks are officially open if you have any questions for us!
If you want my wife and I to answer your question on video, please specify somewhere in your question that it is for the video! Depending on how many we get we may not be able to answer all of them, but we will try! Thank you SO MUCH!
Hey friends!!!! We have well surpassed 15k followers!! THANK YOU! I’m totally floored and honored and delighted that you all find baby as funny as I do! We would LOVE to do another Q&A video to celebrate this follower milestone, so asks are officially open if you have any questions for us!
If you want my wife and I to answer your question on video, please specify somewhere in your question that it is for the video! Depending on how many we get we may not be able to answer all of them, but we will try! Thank you SO MUCH!
One if us got a hand painted piece of art as a Valentine's Day card.
The other bought a card with swear words on it.
You'll never guess who was who.
My wife, accidentally hitting her knee on the table: AUGH!! COCKS!!! COCKS APLENTY!!!
Shit my wife has said to the cat, part 13
- I think it’s time to enter you into gladiatorial combat, Miss Kitty. You need some scars. Might as well get ‘em against a man with a sword.
- Hey there, buddy. You smell like poop and cocaine.
- Miss Kitty, I’m going to sneeze on you and use you like a tissue. GET THE DISEASE.
- Miss Kitty, gimme that love! Serve it up like a hot pie in a window during the Great Depression. And I’m the vagabond come to steal it from your country home.
- My tyranny will become pets, and your rebellion will be nothing but purrs in the night.
- I’m gonna put you in a box. Ship you to Argentina. If you come back, I’ll know you truly love me.
- Who would win, a cat in a dark, enclosed space like a knapsack? Or a thousand spiders?
- Yes, run, my child!! I’ve mocked you with song like a true bard!!
- Hold on, hold your whiskers!! ... that’s the cutest thing I’ve ever said to another living creature.
- How’s your salt up in your shaker, girl?
- Hi buddy! I just gave you a smoocharooni on your bootatooni! And the snoot! Snooty moony!
- You ever win Who Wants To Be a Millionaire, you’re giving us every last penny, you hear me?
- I’m marrying you off. That’s what princesses are for, and you’re acting like a fucking princess. Come on, it’ll be a nice city-state and some handsome prince.
- Some babies are really smart. You’re not like that. You’re a dumb baby.
Hey y’all!!!!! Since I am 1) the worst at answering asks and 2) in constant awe of how many of you lovely people are out there, baby and I have agreed to do another Q&A ask video once we hit 15,000 followers! I’m thinking we can probably curate questions from the asks we have in reserve, but we’ll open it up for video-specific asks once we reach that point! We need about 250 more followers to hit that milestone, so it might be a while, but I figured I’d let y’all know! Love you!
Hey, dear beautiful followers!!! Just a reminder that my wife and I adore each and every one of you and we’re so grateful to you! Thanks for being here, for validating the shit out of my hilarious wife, and for making me laugh and clutch my heart and coo over all the lovely things y’all put in the tags and replies of our posts. I know I’ve been terrible about interacting and answering asks, but please know that we read everything and we’re so happy you’re here!
Wishing y’all a gorgeous day/night/whatever time of day it is wherever you are!! <3
Me: How is it that the flat sheet ends up on your side of the bed every night?!
My wife: Because I'm powerful and the bed respects me as its master.
Wife and I went to a holiday party tonight and decided to wear our new ridiculous sweaters. Isn’t she just the most beautiful thing? I’m so lucky. <3
My wife (putting on a bathrobe over her other bathrobe): I shall become the Über pajama.
My wife (sleepily beside me): Oh, honey, listen to the birds!
Birds outside: *immediately stop chirping*
My wife: Fuckers.
I have been neglectful in posting these, but this is one of a few AMAZING illustrations gifted to me by the incredible, talented, delightful and kind @spockt / @elkiyv! From Left to right, that’s me (blog owner), Caity (gay wife), Lord Byron Fitzwhiskers and Miss Clover Cleopatra! She captured all our likenesses perfectly, and I love these with my whole heart. :’) Thank you, Ness!