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can't stop won't stop

@shinyazurill

HYFR 
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kids were roleplaying with minecraft figurines and one of them had their figure go up to the other and say “i’m in love with you” and the other one replied “sword slash to the chest. and you’re on fire”

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Just found out my facebook birding group is public because my cousin (a lawyer who is not into birds) casually said to me “saw you couldn’t identify a willet the other day… pretty embarrassing”

Getting sucked into a grain silo and I have just enough time to post "tell my family I loved them" but then the Would You Like To Add Tags thing appears and I'm fully consumed before I can say no

my stupid fucking aunt loraine bought us an air friar for our wedding present 🤦‍♀️ the apartments barely big enough for the two of us now weve got this dumb asshole flying around preaching at us ... every time i get a migraine he tries to give me herbs and poultices 🙄

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whenever i mess up cooking eggs the edwardian dandy who follows me around looking over my shoulder says "poor show, old boy!" and shakes his head sympathetically

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When I was a kid I thought dulce de leche was pronounced douche the loosh and whenever we went for ice cream my dad would say “okay honey ask if they have that caramel flavor you like… what’s it called again?” And I’d yell it and my dad would have the biggest grin while the server would sigh and say “no, this is the fourth week in a row you’ve asked me this, and we don’t have that. I don’t even know what that is.”

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She always got her revenge because my dad would get a sundae and he’d get everything but nuts so she’d announce his order was ready by yelling “no nuts, where’s Mr. No Nuts” as loud as possible

okay but this is a power move above any other

It gets even better, because he was doing all of this on a pitch black night. This dude swam towards a lure, slapped at it with his glove, and when it got caught; he let himself float and tugged on the line so the fisherman thought he had hooked a 100+ pound salmon. Once he was finally up to the shore, he turned a flashlight on in the guy’s face and walked out of the water, saying “good morning, gentlemen. State fish and game warden, you’re under arrest.“

At this point, the guy who had reeled him in had literally fallen over in shock, and the other people with him were scared shitless. The warden whipped some citations out of a plastic bag in his wetsuit, made the trespassers sign them, asked if they had any questions, and then gathered all of their fishing gear. And he just. Walked back into the river. And quietly swam away, without another word.

This man is a legend.

warden coming out of his river to shame fishermankind

Lin-Manuel Miranda is not untalented but he shouldn't be making billion dollar disney movies or whatever. This guy should be in a garage making deeply earnest but unpolished rap opera concept albums and posting them online for a niche fanbase of no more than 100,000 too-online theatre nerds. Hiring him to make forgettable paint-by-numbers radio friendly disney princess pop is trying to raise devil's pupfish in captivity. You have to stop giving him money and let him go make cringe in his natural habitat or you're never going to get anything good.