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Thanks I Stole Them From Bernie Sanders

@sherlocksnobody

Previously @mmddyy. Devin | 20 | he/him | queer | so many goddamn sideblogs (dm for urls) | just be nice
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discussions about language from the discord call i was just in w/ friends:

- “my girlfriend can never remember the english word for ‘rubber band’, so she just calls it ‘circle rope’, and i’ve accidentally started saying it too”

- “when i was a kid i didn’t realise that when my grandmother spoke english she used to mix in italian with it, so i used to say ‘allora’ instead of ‘then’ because i just assumed it was english too and my parents didn’t realise until i wrote it in my schoolwork once and confused my teachers”

- “when i first met my girlfriend’s mum she asked me if i wanted to eat thai food and i tried to say, in thai, “sorry, thai food is too spicy for me”, but i accidentally said “sorry, thai food is too sexy for me”

- “one time my flatmate went to print off something at her friend’s office and heard her greet her boss in French, and asked her if she had been greeting him like that everyday. she realised that her friend had been saying something like “good morning, i’m horny” to her boss every day for the last six months”

- “that time i got really drunk on a boat a guy came up to me asked me where i was from in english, and i replied in swedish. every time he spoke to me i replied to him in swedish and he asked my friend if i spoke english, who had the joy of telling him that english was my first language and i was just really hammered”

- “my parents came to visit me at the end of my stay in sweden and i was so excited to show them how much swedish i had learnt, so i took them to a pub and went to the bartender to order. i ordered everything in perfect swedish, the bartender waited until i finished and then said, “i’m really sorry, but do you speak any english? i don’t speak swedish”

- “one time my friend was on a train in the netherlands that stopped because of losing electricity. the announcement was given in multiple languages, 3 of which he could understand, and all of which made sense until it got to the english one, where the conductor announced that the train had “lost its elasticity”

People die on the job every summer. Remember that water and shade breaks are crucial when working in the heat, and calling emergency services for signs of serious heat illness (fatigue, nausea/vomiting, headaches, dizziness, clammy skin, confusion, agitation, slurred speech, high body temperature, rapid heart rate, etc.) is entirely appropriate. If you’re afraid to call 911 for reasons such as being undocumented, you’ll need to get very familiar with how to prevent, recognize, and treat heat illness. If you are symptomatic and not allowed a break, water, or medical treatment, walk out. No matter how broke you are, your job is not worth your life.

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How the media depicts the Apollo 11 mission:

Actual quotes from the Apollo 11 mission:

also according to michael collins when the three of them were discussing what neil armstrong should say when he first stepped on the moon, collins suggested armstrong say “Oh, my God, what is that thing?”  and then scream and cut out his mic.

Everyone forgets Michael Collins and it’s fucking tragic.

girl i know i love old boats and they got into accidents all the time and i wouldnt exactly regard an ocean liner as a not horrifying mode of transport but i just remembered we used to have those fucking balloon airships. i dont like planes myself but thank god we started making air transport out of shit that wasnt 100% flammable

domt like that

girl they used to catch fire for no reason and kill everyone

THAT WAS ONE TIME

it happened a few times

“your rent should be a third of your income” well wouldn’t that be nice. wouldn’t it. lower the rent pussy

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Casual observation from someone old enough to remember: in the year 2000 financial advice was that rent should be no more than 1/4 of your income.

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Until the mid 80s, the advice was that if you must rent instead of owning, then that 20% of your monthly income (oh yes, only 20%) should include all your utilities too.

After all, rent costs more than a mortgage, so it should offer more too.

The housing market is a fucking travesty.

Hmm what happened in the mid eighties....

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its so funny to me that people on twitter n tiktok are like "ok but porns still banned on tumblr so at least we're better then them" as if they dont have to typ3 w0rd$ I1k3 th!$ to get around their censors

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y34h, 4t l34st on th1s s1t3 you c4n t3ll th4t th3 p3rson h4s 4 p4rt1cul4r, mor3 4nnoy1ng r34son to typ3 l1k3 th1s

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i want to you to eat deodorant

westley in the princess bride was so funny for being like ‘talk about this dead guy you loved lol’ and getting the tea about himself

oh he was ur true love? you thought he was hot n strong? rate him 1-10 and why

if i had to choose between death and reading homestuck then i would probably just read the damn webcomic but i definitely wouldn't be very happy about it

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have you considered i dont want fucking homestuck to be the reason i die. did you think about that

[EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT. IM PUTTING EVERYTHING ON THE LINE HERE

IF THIS POST GETS TO 10K BEFORE THE NEXT APRIL 13TH, I WILL READ HOMESTUCK.

someone blaze this

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only someone who really wants to read homestuck would be dumb enough to tempt fate like this. and with such a generous time limit too!

STOP SAYING STUFF LIKE THIS IT DIDNT OCCUR TO ME I WAS ON THE HOMESTUCK WEBSITE

Can't blaze it but I'm doing my part o7

im always like hehe im so smart i will avoid shame by never doing anything ever but then i feel ashamed of not living and it turns out i didn't escape any sort of discomfort i just traded it in for a less rewarding kind

Before I… crack them open?

....before you put them in here:

the water cup even comes with a little needle at the bottom for hole-poking purposes, see:

sorry i meant boil not cook

WHAT IS THAT

It's an egg cooker!

It's like a toaster and an electric kettle had a baby and ...the baby boils eggs.

Even better news about German egg related gadgets… the Eierköpfer (it also has a super long German name), for when you need a guillotine to open your egg neatly

No offence to Germany but why are you guys so fucking insane

nothing to see here. Just normal feelings about egg.