i forgot about this post until i ran the note counter but it’s gold because half the comments are some variation of “Hamilton looks amazing” and the other half are just history nerds going “good”.

a guy walks in with two puncture wounds on his neck like “u should see the other guy” and then a vampire walks in covered in those cartoony lipstick kiss marks

i’m really glad this post was a hit with the gays

I had to draw this 

It’s the great pumpkin Charlie Brown!!

btw he’s fine he just had the most horrible, awful day. First I stole the wax out of his ears and then I let the doctor feel his belly and look in his mouth. The doctor described his belly as “nice and round”. And then we poked him with a ginormous needle that hurt so bad he had to cry a little bit. But only a little bit because he’s a very tough boy.

ghost swing 👻 🎸

Thats the last time i buy ‘official’ merch from etsy because who is this.

yall the comedy wildlife photography results are coming out atm and

look

LOOK AT THIS LIL MAN

THANK YOU BRIAN MATTHEWS HOLY SHIT HES GOT SUCH A CASE OF THE MONDAYS

that was everything I was hoping it would be. marvelous

I love this because you know exactly where it's going and you're not disappointed

Necromancer: RISE FROM YOUR GRAVES!

*Nothing happens*

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVES!

*Nothing happens*

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVES!

*A single zombie rises from their grave, slaps the necromancer across the face, and returns to their grave*

*a skeletal hand emerges from the grave holding a scroll. The necromancer takes it and reads it. It’s a list of demands and a unionization form.*

What's this? 4 day workweeks? 25 gold-per-hour salaries? 32-hour weeks with double paid overtime? Guaranteed holidays? Safety protocols? Unlimited Sick days?

You are my undead servants! You should be happy to work for me! If I wasn't around, you'd just be rotting in the ground! At least you can do something useful with your worthless unlives!

*another skeleton hand pops up with a scroll. This time they’re demanding maternity leave.*

I don't even want to know why you might demand that, but I will grant you that.

BUT ONLY UNPAID! AND ONLY FOUR DAYS!

Also, I'm still not giving you any other demands. Now get to work or I'll have my mortal servants dig you up and force you to work.

*another scroll pops up. “We want dental and health insurance”*

What? You are rotting corpses! What do you need that for? And why should I give it to you? I can always find new corpses to serve me when you fall apart!

*another demand, employment contracts*

NO!! I own this graveyard and all the corpses in it! You are my property! You do as I say and I say

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVES!!

Perfect timing! I need someone to dig up their graves and get these lazy undead to work! If you happen to damage any of their gravestones, don't worry. It will teach them a lesson.

You roll up to the Wizard Battle and your opponent takes out his spellbook but it’s just one of these

I'd leave. This is a sign that my opponent has the most fucked up unethical spells imaginable, and I am not about to be subject to Malchezar's Piercing Prostate Bomb or something

does anyone want to be best friends that also live together and go on adventures together but like mundane adventures like ikea and target and also wants to lay our heads on each others shoulders when sleepy but also have separate bedrooms but also enjoy spending most of our free time together……. just me? ok

New Character Unlocked!!!

{cw: loud music}

I am not a Jack O Lantern.

My name is Lewis!

I’m screaming. I asked my students to pick a familiar character (Santa Claus, Little Red Riding Hood, SpongeBob Squarepants) to imitate for a game and one of my students chose “Lewis.” ALL my students instantly picked up on the reference and began saying this quote back and forth to one another.

I am just now receiving this context. I thought for sure this was some character from a film I missed but nope. Target decoration

americans think ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN of driving 7 hours. they’ll drive 7 hours just for dinner. they’ll drive 7 hours just for chips and dip

i went to england to visit the family of this boy im dating in birmingham. one of his sisters lived in manchester and his whole family kept being like we wish lila was her you would love her blah blah blah lila would just lobe you blah and I was finally like well why couldn’t she make it? everyone was like lol as we said she’s in manchester??? that’s it. i looked up the distance and it’s like less than two hours away and when me and my dude went to grab a beer later that night I was like so does Lila not get along with your parents like what’s up? again, he’s like babe I told you she’s in manchester. I was like are the villages at war????? he goes “it’s too far. this isn’t holiday.” I was like babe we’ve drivin 4-5 hours for weekend trips to the beach Im just confused- and he cuts me off and goes “that’s American me. We don’t do that here”

I don't know who needs to hear this, but

YOU DO NOT NEED TO START A NEW HOBBY!

STEP AWAY FROM THE TEXTILES!

YOU DON'T NEED MORE YARN!

THAT FABRIC IS NOT CALLING TO YOU! LEAVE IT ALONE!

boy it's me the textiles speaking to you inside your head. you need the yarn. you need thread. your soul hungers to participate in the act of creation. you must feed it. you must buy so many beads.

You know what… This really is one of the only alignment post that get the chaotic and lawful descriptors correctly aligned.

On the Lawful side: the two people who have to follow the recipes nearly exactly for the results they want - baking isn’t quite am exact measurements process but the margin of error for experiment is very, very thin. Tempering chocolate for use in structural works even more so.

On the Chaotic side: cooking and mixology where the margins of error for ingredients and portioning are so broad “whatever feels right” is almost never the wrong answer. The same recipe could be done a dozen different ways for a dozen different people and all of them would be a great outcome with minimal disaster in their wake.

This could also be an allegory for the difference between wizards (bakers) and sorcerers (cooks) - they’re all magic users (chefs), but the type of magic the weild and the source of their power is vastly different

You know, I was originally thinking that Dylan and Shiadanni should swap, but this convinced me they were properly placed, well done.

How is Dylan evil though? That’s either nonsense or worse.

Don’t look at it as a description of them personally, but rather the things they create. Dylan isn’t evil in a traditional sense, any more than the Tipsy Bartender is, but the things they create provoke a very visceral “Oh no what the fuck?!?!” sense of horror.

He’s called his own creations Abominations and War Crimes so i think he’d agree with this assessment

WAIT

HOL UP

Before I get into what just happened to me, can I just say how insane it is that even in 2023 there are vending machines that just drop a bottle of soda 5 feet onto the floor before you can drink it? A ludicrous design flaw

No you may not