Late evening. It's around this time I stop mattering to everyone. Myself included. I might as well not exist anymore.
I cross no one's mind.
"I used to lie in bed at night and cry my eyes out. But lately it's like I'm numb. I want to cry, but unfortunately the tears no longer drop."
— notes from the girl who lost herself
I just don’t feel okay. I can’t tell you what triggered me because I don’t even know. I’m just not okay. I feel so empty, usually it feels like home but today not so much.
I’m exhausted, I have been for quite a while. And sadly it’s not the kind of tired that can be fixed with sleep.
"Mostly I feel numb. I feel empty on the inside, I feel like I could get hit by a truck and I wouldn't care. My life suddenly has no meaning at all for me."
“I can’t go to bed. Not until I’m exhausted. I can’t risk lying in the dark and having time to think, and regret, and feel, and think some more.”
—
I’m drowning in my own self hatred and there’s no life line in sight.