Me and "The Fonz" at premiere of Goncharov (1973) at Grauman's Chinese Theatre.

*stays crunchy in milk*

impressive

You ain’t seen nothing yet *makes your milk into chocolate milk*

Get out of here!

I’m not done yet! *Is part of a complete breakfast*

This can’t be…!!

Also: while we’re doing checkpoints, make sure you’re on WiFi and not data

And unclench your jaw

If you need to use the bathroom you have to do that now

Please get that drink of water and remember your meds

If you can’t remember the last time you showered/brushed your teeth here’s your sign to try and do those today

Set an alarm for tomorrow if you need to!

don’t forget the laundry in your drier

an important addition

creacher

left the house without my headphones 11 dead 23 injured, multiple buildings destroyed, fires are still being put out at the time of this report

Meanwhile, on Twitter:

Brain farts, a thread

I havent been able to stop thinking about this review

When will there be tumblr stories

you better watch out. you better watch out. you better watch out. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.

You laugh, but one time I was ringing up a bottle of coke for this really cute lesbian at work and since it’s the Mexican coke with an old-fashioned cap, I meant to ask if she wanted me to take it off w/ the bottle opener.

What actually came out of my mouth was “Um, do you want me to take that top off? Uhh your bottle. The bottle cap. Removed?”

Transcript : Oh and- and can i top you- can i- and would you- and- can i get your top- wa- could i top- *breathes in* can i- uh- *breathes in* and would you li- and can i give dr- k- drink- and- *about to cry* thirsty?

merry crisis

the fact that I have to be in the “right headspace” to do even the simplest tasks. absolutely humiliating

taking my brain out of my head and washing it in hot, soapy water

have you tried putting it in rice

in a comical turn of events, i, op of this post, have been a smartphone repair technician for five years and i am going to tell you that that never works like ever. it might turn on again afterward but it’s never the rice that made it happen. the damage is done and it can get worse if you don’t clean the thing properly. if you drop your phone in water, open it up and clean gently w a soft bristled toothbrush and 99% isopropyl alcohol. this has been a psa.

taking my brain out of my head and cleaning it gently with a soft bristled toothbrush and 99% isopropyl alcohol

some more

the WHAT??

okay, found her

some more good replies from the notes

i didnt expect these to hit so hard but then they kept going and going....my god

words cannot describe how little cryptocurrency means to me. i'd rather learn about the history of a mechanical pencil.