how fucking sinister is this. i cant imagine the emotion i’d feel if i saw someone wearing a jet black baseball cap with a propeller

saving my favourite twitter thread here just in case

I haven’t had sex in 4 weeks

This comment goes. Lol, no idea what this means. But fuck it, right? No? Ok. More cigs plz. But for real, this girl is awesome, so jealous of her multiple men that she’s with. I’d probably like, quit my job tbh

What

Lol. Win. This girl is the best, I’d blow all of my little cash fund to see her, but. Fuck life

grindcore father and breakcore mother talking to their harsh noise baby: bwoooooooooow…💥BWBBWMAMAMMAMMBAAAAAAAAAMBWABMWBABBAWMWAB💥 BABABAABABBABBABABBABABWSSHOOWOOOOOOOOOOooo💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥WBWBWW BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPWPAPWPWAPPWAPWAPAWPPWAPWBWAPBWAPBPWAPBWABPWAPBAWBPWAPBWMMMMMMMMMMmm💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥MMMMMMMMMMMWBBWBBAWBWBWBBWBWB baby: H h H h H h H h H h H h 💥 H a  h h HH Hh HH E E E E  E E 

Barbie (2023)

i go to a gay bar and notice the furry convention's in town. i see a fine lookin bear remove his fursuit, revealing that underneath, he's also a fine lookin bear. I raise my eyebrows and say "woof" and all the cat furries immediately hiss and scatter

new genre of videos youtube’s algorithm has decided I needed to see

from here

i know it's an example of me taking idioms too literally, but the phrase "when you have a hammer everything looks like a nail" never fails to make me imagine something like when that lion in madagascar starts hallucinating all his friends as slabs of steak

me when i have a hammer in my hand if i'm being fully honest

I think the most humiliating object in the world is the Fleshlight sleeve warmer

Its only purpose is to slide into your fleshlight and get it to body temp. It's $30. I want to get every single man who owns one of these into one room and make them do long-form improv

Jail!

Different Jail!

Is... is there a Fleshlight sleeve chiller?

Death Penalty

it’s been said before but the fact this site used to let you edit other people’s posts is beyond unhinged. the potential for slander was next level, you really could just edit the body of posts that weren’t even your own and it’d look like the OP said it. just casually spread misinformation via reblog, the original post being lost to time. john green cock monologue. sayonara you weeaboo shits. they gave us way too much power. can you imagine if a website let you do that today? people would lose their fucking minds. sure, on twitter you can impersonate anybody, but you have to make your own tweets. they would never let you edit other people’s tweets! that’s stupid! it’s literally the worst feature any social media site could ever have! if it ever happened somewhere else, it would be by accident and fixed immediately! but on old school tumblr? yeah, you could edit someone’s childhood fear from vampires to danny devito, and we all just had to live like that for years. INSANE.

@babytrain I AM PUTTING YOU ON BLAST???!!! MISS MA'AM DO YOU KNOW HOW ICONIC YOU ARE????

this is so funny we should all-

*suddenly my form is altered*

blood is basically the most normal thing for a sword to hunger for. if a sword gained sentience and started asking me for blood i'd be like yeah i thought you might say that