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@shanemadyke

blog of shame. for bad tv that i miss but definitely do not miss. fe. 26.
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stop using hospitals as horror settings

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fun alternative: cruise ships. cruise ships exploit workers and can pollute as much as a million cars on a daily basis while dumping endless shit into the ocean and endangering all passengers on board because the on board air quality rivals some of the most polluted cities in the world while being a breeding ground for disease. cruise ships deserve to have negativity associated with them

also all crimes commited aboard a cruise ship is under the juristiction of whichever country they’re registered to once they’re a certain distance away from land so you have the added bonus of the crimes being very unlikely to be properly investigated (due to usually being physically so very far from the actual police whose juristiction they’re under)

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terrifying!

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On top of THAT cruise ships tend to have their own morgue, as people tend to die on ships all the time. Good for those spooky scenes.

plus u can just like…leave a hospital. good luck escaping a killer or a monster or a curse or w/e in the middle of the fucking ocean

As an ex cruise ship employee, let me give you some stuff to work with!

Water tight doors! You get a special training video on interacting with these correctly because they will literally cut you in half if you try and go through them while they’re closing!

Freezer vaults for food in the sub decks - you can only get into these with the correct code and they have very thick walls. Good luck if you get shut in one of these just after the last round of checks bucko

There are cameras everywhere…except in the crew cabin corridors. Also there are no windows down there because unless you’re an officer, you live below the waterline. Day and night have no meaning because everything is in the same slightly unsettling yellow light.

Don’t piss off the guys who deal with the rubbish. They have machines down there that can crush metal barrels

As well as morgues, cruise ships usually have one basic operating theatre with all the attendant horrifying equipment in it

One cigarette thrown carelessly in the wrong place WILL start a fire that will gut half the ship.

When we’re pitching side to side, the anchor swings out and then back in, striking the metal outer shell with a noise that shakes half the ship

People disappear overboard more often than you’d really want to be a thing

A lot of cruise ships now have theatres on board (usually towards the front) with all the potential for dark corners, creepy costumes and electrical calamities you could want.

And as op says, you can’t really escape a ship in the middle of the ocean. Particularly during a storm, as then you can’t even evacuate to lifeboats unless the whole ship is going down. On the upside being on board during a storm means most guests hide in their cabins and the staff walk around like drunks, which would likely throw off a skilled murderer’s plans.

Takes notes

You also have the bonus of a corporate overlord who doesn’t give a shit about anything but profits and can be reliably counted on to downplay any disaster in an attempt to avoid publicity.

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Imagine you get into the cruise ship elevator and it starts going down and it keeps going down clearly way past where the bottom of the ship should be

Ryan: Did you ever try and summon Bloody Mary when you were a child?

Shane: No, it’s just bullshit.

Ryan: Not even as a child?

Shane: No, I was like, “That’s bullshit.”

Ryan: Did you ever have any kind of fun?

Shane: Yeah, I had a lot of fun; I ate worms.

Ryan: [Overlapping] Other than - other than getting…. What? Wh-what?

Shane: I ate, fuckin’ - I ate worms.

Ryan: Like Simba?

Shane: I ate worms, I ate bugs, I ate, uh, junebugs. I ate, um, cicadas. You ever eat ants?

Ryan: [Staring at Shane in silence]

it's weird when i step outside of my firmly anti-diet social circle and hear a person talking about doing some pretty severe calorie restriction as if that's totally normal. like how the fuck do i even begin explaining to someone i barely know that eating only 1300 calories a day is extremely bad for you and that basically everything they think they know about nutrition is false.

the average thin person is so afraid of becoming fat that they'll do things which are extremely bad for them on every level with zero upsides (calorie restriction is even likely to cause future weight gain!) and this is completely normalized in mainstream culture. anti-fat discrimination is so deeply ingrained in the systems of our society and it's so fucked.

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Diet people never even seem to remember that a calorie is only a measurement of energy, specifically the energy it takes to raise the temperature of water by one degree. Theres no single solid definition of what a "calorie" is in your food and most labelling of such is just spitballing but people talk about it like it's a literal 1 to 1 measure of how fat a food will make you.

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one time my friend was scared their house was haunted. i go to a catholic uni so i bought the largest thing of smartwater from the student union i could find, had one of the priests bless it, and mailed it to my friend. they got drunk and drank most of it one night but they also never reported any more scary happenings

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@NintendoAmerica: As of late March 2023, it will no longer be possible to make Nintendo eShop purchases for the Wii U and the Nintendo 3DS family of systems.

Hack your 3DS. Hack your Wii U. It’s easy and fun, and you will gain access to so much shit, you will not lose access to one of the largest generational game libraries, you can access even older games.

It is always morally correct to pirate Nintendo games. Fuck them.

one of the easiest methods to hack your 3ds requires a free game that you download from the eshop so do it before the eshop shuts down!

there are other methods as well but just so you know!

I promise you it’s easier to do than you think, too! and there are many people (myself included) that would love to help and answer questions, no matter how basic.

I hacked my wii u so it now has every game from every retro console/arcade machine + any wii, GameCube, and wii u games I want. my 3ds has every DS and 3DS title ever released. no regrets.