Alexis Texas

THE FUCKING PUNCHLINE, I’M ENDED

Three years ago today. I love this bit of video. Not sure why.

Because this looks like a Monet painting or an old watercolour anime background come to life?! I was in utter disbelief until it started moving.

screenshots dont do this justice

*inhuman clicking*

the millennial steve irwin

my bf has many interesting stories and observations from his new job as a 911 operator

my favorite is how meandering people are, even in the midst of a terrible emergency

they respond to “what is the emergency” with “well, the thing is, four weeks ago–”

and then he’s like “WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY RIGHT NOW”

and they’re like “so what happened this morning was, i said to my wife, i said–”

“WHAT IS CURRENTLY HAPPENING AT THIS MOMENT”

“oh i’m having a heart attack”

my second favorite is how specific he has to get sometimes

like, “what is your emergency?”

“i’m sitting in a pool of blood.”

“… is it… your blood?”

“yes i think so”

“do you know where it’s coming from?”

“probably the stab wound”

“have you been stabbed?”

“oh yah definitely”

In all fairness shock is a hell of a drug

These people went from lifting chips to pulling off some action movie shit

This is the most Chaotic Neutral thing I’ve ever seen.

memez

Happy to say I’m 1lb down this week 215.8lbs! Having PCOS this is a big deal for me. I was hoping for more but 1 is better than nothing. 

I have bigger motivation to lose weight other than just myself now. My husband and I agreed in two years we can start trying for another baby. This is a huge deal and I want to be as healthy weight as possible. I was 185lbs when I got pregnant with my first and I didn’t stay active. I only got up to 210lbs and it was all baby because I was back down to pre-birth weight after I had her. I want to be as healthy as possible and two years feels like a good amount of time to prepare. 

Workouts will be limited if any this week but I’m meal prepping today so that should help stay on track. Chicken, veggies, rice, every day till forever. 

Why is it that from 12 am to 4 am water enters a state where it is so much better in every way

Because you are tired your higher brain functions shut down, leaving only your ancient fish brain. It likes the splash

Cam confirm I had two glasses of water in one sitting and it was the shit

you have pleased your brain fish

A grape, wearing a raspberry.

I am froot.

@disgustingplants

My therapist asked me to explain what’s so wrong with the world, so I showed her this picture. She told me “they don’t pay her enough for this shit” and asked me to leave. Well they don’t pay me -at all- for this shit, Janice, but it doesn’t make this not exist.

you thought animal roommates were bad… that’s only like… one of the kingdoms, folks. please consider following disgustingplants for more greater-than-warm-blooded-animal-body-temperature takes 

PETA being shredded renews my life.

potty mouth bird

[Caption:

[WOMAN (OFF-CAMERA):] He’s gonna come sit by you.

[MAN:] That’s crazy!

[WOMAN (LAUGHING):] Try to pet him.

[MAN:] No, nah, he’s got that big-ass beak on him!

[BIRD:] Fuck you!

[MAN (LAUGHING):] Fuck you?!]

One of my favorite videos 😂

the internet should be funny animal pictures and thats it!

example

Man WHAT THE FUCK LMAOOOOOOO

@kattherippa

Soooo…this is Tumblr at 4am…..different world.

Hello??!??

This might be the greatest thing.

Throwback Thursday ❤️ // snap: @makeupbyreeree

19 days + textposts

http://iglovequotes.net/