No Lie, Just A Monster
This is for @acaranna’s birthday, I hope you had an awesome day and that you’ll enjoy this Thorki gift of mine. 😘 This happens after Thor: Ragnarok, because I do what I want and I dig Thor’s new hairstyle.
Read on AO3
The transformation from his Asgardian form to his Jotun one always felt liberating, like sliding off his mask and breathing properly for the first time in ages. He didn’t know how encumbering keeping up this false form was until its weight was lifted from his shoulders.
Only, he wasn’t used to shifting in front of so many people, and for a non-threatening purpose.
He slightly shifted, forced himself to keep a neutral expression under the stares of his so-called teammates. The Avengers. He also carefully didn’t look anyone directly, knowing how his red eyes could be unsettling.
They were in the living room of the Avengers’ facility, but it could’ve been Odin’s throne room that it would’ve felt easier for Loki. After all, he was used to being judged unfairly by his so-called father. The Avengers, however, he had more respect for them, and that was the worst about doing this rehabilitation process.
Tony was the first to react, popping in another fruit in his mouth from a bowl set on the low table in front of them.
“I like it. Very Dr. Manhattan, only with more clothes and hair.”
“These ridges, are they some kind of scarification?” Bruce asked with curiosity, the closest to him.
Loki shook his head. “They are not. Another Jotun singularity.”
The others nodded. The most reticent was Clint, but then again he had taken control of his mind, a deed he wished would’ve gone differently. Nevertheless, he didn’t show- none of them showed the disgust he himself held for this form.
And that was it. One by one, the members dismissed themselves from the meeting he had requested, leaving him alone with his thoughts and his relief. Another step of his rehabilitation done, a task he had dreaded for a long time. Perhaps because a part of him still hated who he was and couldn’t accept it.
He stared at his hands, blue but still slender and long-fingered. Why couldn’t he acknowledge that it was part of him, that if his real appearance repulsed him, perhaps it was because his real self was just the same.
“I’m a monster,” he breathed out, the words slipping from his tongue hardening his thoughts.
But then a warm hand enclosed around his own, pink toned and bigger and callous.
“Loki, I shall not hear such lies coming from your mouth,” Thor said, and he looked up. Thor, who had somehow stayed behind without his knowledge and had heard him, was looking down at him with concern and worry, but most of all the affection in his blue eyes was almost too much to bear.
So he turned away, his skin too hot where Thor was touching him, but he didn’t pull away. “And for once I spurted no lie.”
Thor let out a small sigh, and Loki knew he drew the person dearest to his heart away from him, just like he did everyone else.
But Thor did not leave. Instead he crouched in front of him, placed his other hand on his knee. He was unafraid of his appearance. He regarded him with vehemence, an adoration. Loki wondered how he could hold such feelings for him. “You share your story with our teammates, bare your real form to them, and yet you do not believe in your own redemption,” he stated, his deep voice gentle.
Loki slowly turned his hand, carded their fingers together. Thor tightened his grip in response. “It’s not as simple. My past mistakes cannot be erased by my will to do better.”
“No, they cannot. We all have remorse, but the past cannot be rewritten. No mistake is worth spending the rest of our long life dwelling upon instead of making up for them.”
Loki blinked at Thor’s wisdom, looked up to meet his eyes once more. His short hair made his face sharper, more serious, but he was as earnest as he was when they were younger, when they didn’t have so much to worry about.
“My so-called father lied to me my whole life about who I am,” he replied. How could he move on and put his trust in anyone when his real parents’ identity had been kept a secret from him for so long?
Fingers, gentler and more delicately than he thought possible, swept down the ridges on his forehead, then the ones along his cheeks.
“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, so you would realize how beautiful you are,” Thor breathed. Loki leaned into his hand when it cradled his cheek. “Whether in Aesir or Jotun form. You remain the same person to me.”
For once, Loki was speechless. Without a lie or a devious remark on his tongue, he found confessing the truth of his feelings to Thor difficult, if impossible. Instead he pulled him closer and smashed their lips together, eager to devour the devotion from his mouth, his tongue. Thor returned the kiss with the same fervor, his big frame settling between Loki’s thighs.
“Yes,” Loki grinned. “Yours. And you, mine.”
“Always,” Thor immediately replied with a matching smile.
