Things my brother has said to me since I’ve come out

Bro: You can’t say you’re pan if you’ve only dated cis-boys Jess..

Me: Then you can’t say you’re straight since you’ve never had a girlfriend

Bro: touche…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so you like girls?

Me: yep

Bro: so youre gonna get a girlfriend?

Me: maybe

Bro: NOW I GOTTA COMPETE AGAINST YOU TOO?? 

____________________________________________________________

Bro: wanna bet on who kisses a girl first?

Me: sure… $10?

Bro: okay

Me: sweet…cough up the money because i already kissed three

Bro: WHAT?? WHO?? you whore…No but seriously who because we only have like 2 lesbians in our school….

____________________________________________________________

Bro: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I HEAR ONE MORE PUN ABOUT YOU AND KITCHENWEAR IM KILLING YOU

____________________________________________________________

Brothers friend: so your sister is pan?

Bro: yeah?

Friend: what’s that?

Bro: basically she’ll date anyone

Friend: think she’ll date me?

Bro: ew no, dude she has standered still..

____________________________________________________________

Bro: so…how was narnia?

____________________________________________________________

Mother: i dont want you going to (insert friend)’s house because you’re pan and they are too

Bro: shes 18 mom AND you had no problem with it before jess was out

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: and they’re both girls so its not like even if something DID happen she wouldn’t get pregnant or anything

Mother: yeah but-

Bro: just let her hang out with the one friend she still has

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is complaning about something* Thats so ga- OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY IT SLIPPED

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *shows me a picture of a girl* do you think shes hot?

Me: ew no

Bro: I AM TRYING TO GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND STOP BEING PICKY WOMAN WE LIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE THERE ARENT THAT MANY OPTIONS 

____________________________________________________________

Me: *is complaining to my brother about this dude on campus* -anyways hes so not my type

Mother: but youre pan and ‘youre attracted to everyone regardless of gender’ so you dont have a type

Bro: thats like saying because i’m straight i like every girl mom…she can be pan and have types you limp lettuce

____________________________________________________________

Bro: do you think grandma will freak out when she finds out you’re queer?

Me: hopefully

Bro: sweet…..can i tell her??

Me: no?

Bro: dammit…

____________________________________________________________

Bro: *is playing COD online in his room* Guys seriously stop saying the F slur

Bro: Seriously i dont care about your kill streak, i will shoot you

Bro: NO SCOPE! I warned you!

____________________________________________________________

Bro: you know what my favorite part of you being pan is?

Me: what?

Bro: you’re no longer grandmas favorite…now i get all the money/food

____________________________________________________________

Bro: aw fuck

Me: what?

Bro: what if you get a girlfriend one day and she breaks your heart? i can’t punch a girl! 

Me: no thats okay-

Bro: HOW WILL I DEFEND YOUR HONOR???

Amazing comments.

Ian: I don’t believe in luck. I do believe we’ve known each other since forever, though.

Sofi: Really?

Ian: Yeah. You know how? When the big bang happened, all the atoms in the universe, they were all smashed together into one little dot that exploded outward. So my atoms and your atoms were certainly together then, and, who knows, probably smashed together several times in the last 13.7 billion years. So my atoms have known your atoms and they’ve always known your atoms. My atoms have always loved your atoms.

I origins (2014)

Twitter

im SCREAMIBG

Reblog if you want cuddles rn

This right here is the realest shit I’ve ever read

Tbh

GET REKT

Invisibility Glamour

Whether you’re wanting to escape unnecessary conversations or you have become quite the commodity lately, this glamour will take the edge of all the attention you’re receiving and allow you to fade a little bit into the background for a while. Note: This glamour is not for literal visibility, but to receive decreased attention from others and be noticed less.

You will need:

Place your bowl of water containing your crystal or glass in a dark and undisturbed space (like a closet or cabinet) for a full day. After 24 hours, remove your bowl and soak your hands in water. Periodically remove your hands, and massage the water onto your face and body, envisioning a dim light emanating from your skin. 

Your skin now holds a dim light, and your energy is quieted. This glamour will last for about a day. Repeat the spell or leave the water in darkness for a longer period time as necessary. 

If you need to get somewhere or had too much to drink:

Download Uber or Lyft on your phone right now, and use these codes for FREE a ride credit when you can’t drive:

Uber: https://get.uber.com/invite/uber.agoodkind

Lyft: https://www.lyft.com/invited/alex857533

Reblog to help reduce the number of drunk drivers!!!

IT SUMMONS MAIL EVERYONE TRY IT

HOLY FUCKING COW.

OKAY IT’S TRUE

WHAT

???

I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE

WHAT HOW

I’ve been wondering what message it sends for awhile now, apparently it’s random?

oh?

OH

#lmfao no way #why do i reblog these things #hahaha #urban legends #tumblr myths #im so gullible 

nO FUCKING WAY THIS JUST

gUYS NO JOKE I GOT “motor oil” IN MY ASK BOX I’M SCREAMINH

I HOPE U GUYS DON’T LIE 

THIS SHIT FUCKING WORKS WTF

you’re shitting me

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORL-

Here’s an example of sexism in the media. It’s very subtle, but it’s insidious, and it’s everywhere.

Men’s washroom and women’s washroom, each with an ad in the mirror. Both ads are for the same car. However, the text is slightly changed - in the men’s, it tells you that you look a million bucks but would look even better in that car. In the women’s, it gives you concern that you’re having a bad hair day but that’d be okay if you had that car.

The men’s ad assumes you’re confident and powerful and tries to optimize that image. The women’s ad undermines your opinion of yourself and tells you how to fix it.

Seriously. That shit is fucked.

Misogyny. Meanwhile, where’s OUR app to tell us how many women they’ve slept with, how many kids they got and don’t take care of, or how many women they’ve left sexually frustrated?

Please and thank you

Or how many women they’ve assaulted, slandered, lead on for sex.

men LOVE to talk shit about women who are sexually active, while feeling like GODS for sleeping with as many women as possible 

if you think a woman is spoiled after being touched, maybe you should take a look at your own damn hands

Maybe if they had an app like this, they’d be able to actually find the damn clit

me: wow this is fucked up vagina: idk it’s kinda hot :| me: vagina no vagina: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Daddy has taught me to think with my cunt :D and that there’s no shame in liking what my little cunny likes. Being owned by Daddy has completely set me free to be his filthy, disinhibited princess….thank you Daddy! I LOVE that you use the power you have to make all my dirty dreams come true x ohyouremine

sexybitch37

NNNNNNYYYYYYYAAAAAATABIEAAANNNNN YER A WIZARD HARRY SSSSSBIAYAAAAAA

sexybitch37

*sleeps in on weekends as long as possible to avoid my responsibilities*