Yeah, that doesn't prevent pregnancy.

Dfgajagakala it’s so you don’t get a UTI 😂

*facepalm* So, given that sex ed in the US is a tire fire:

Vagina-having people have a shorter urethra, which means we’re more prone to UTIs because the bacteria doesn’t have to travel as far to get up into your bladder and cause a problem.

Which means if you’re exposing your bits to bacteria (as with sex), peeing will flush out bacteria in the urethra. (Urine isn’t actually sterile - that’s a myth - but you’re *supposed to* have a little bit of bacteria - that’s how bodies work. But it still flushes things out that shouldn’t be there.)

Oh! You should ALSO pee after you masturbate, especially if it involves penetration with fingers/toys/etc

So I’ve blocked like five transphobes on this post, which I feel should have been relatively uncontroversial.

If you’re one of the people saying “You meant ‘women’”, fuck you. I meant “people who have a vagina, regardless of their gender or lack thereof”, and you can go fuck yourself with a cactus.

And you should pee afterward, so you don’t get a UTI.

Final chapter of my dearly departed is up! Thank you everyone for all the support. This was a fic I started in a burst and nearly abandoned multiple times before deciding, why the hell not. Thank you guys for not making me regret such a sad, strange little look at grief. Also thanks to @alderaan-babe for looking over the last chapter for me. I guess I can't say this fic was 100% not beta read anymore haha

When will AO3 be back from the war

DP x DC prompt.

I'm getting in on this shit *cracks knuckles* I have a few different prompts I may post. Some may be all out story ideas.

This one is a mash-up of multiple prompts and fanfics I have read.

So basicly, the accident left Danny with a ton of issues, both mentally and physically. He stutters sometimes, has a few mobility issues, and sometimes he just aches so bad he can't get out of bed. That mixed with the slow heartbeat, shallow breathing, and pale skin of a halfa, he almost seems like one hella sick kid.

His secret gets revealed and instead of his parents hurting him they just tell him to leave and never come back (i love a good vivisection fic, but i personally like to imagine they can't bring themselves to do it). Danny kinda becomes homeless and lives in his car for a bit. He eventually (somehow) learns he is adopted and goes to find his birth parents.

His dad is... you guessed it! Bruce Wayne! He goes to confront him with multiple forms of evidence and Bruce just SHUTS DOWN. He rejects Danny (probably out of fear and regret for not being there for him, again this is based on multiple prompts). Danny, degected, goes back to live in his car. Unbeknownst to him though, the bat kids had been listening in and decided to make Danny part of their family one way or another. So they try everything to get him to stay in Gotham.

Eventually they start to notice the 'medical' issues, they learn of the accident, and see that his grades and attendence in school dropped. Naturally, as any bat clan member does, they connect the dots and think "holy shit, this kid is dying and he just wanted to know his birth family"

Now everyone is pissed at Bruce for rejecting him, Bruce feels worse and and hides away MORE, and Danny is wondering why his step siblings are suddenly far sweeter, but also more protective and worried about him.

Crack fic prompt go!

Danny is in Gotham for *insert generic reasons* He quickly discovers that red Hood is in fact a halfa like him. He also comes to the correct conclusion that Red Hood doesn't know he's a halfa yet.

Danny decides to help in a completely reasonable way....

By hiding away and making chirping noises at him from the shadows!

It's basically like

Danny from the rooftops: *chirp*

Red Hood: *chirps back* What the fuck!

It goes on like this for days! Red Hood is very confused because, baby ghostling??? Where is baby? He hears Danny's chirps and immediately his core latches on to him claiming Danny as his kid.

Danny doesn't know Jason basically parentally imprinted he just thinks it's funny how confused Red Hood gets when he does it. At least he thought it was funny until Red Hood started searching rather violently whenever he did it.

Danny leaves Gotham for *insert plot convenient reason* Jason is distraught and still very confused. He begins searching thoroughly through everything for even a hint of what happened to his kid.

When his family inevitably asks what the hell he's doing we get a scene like this

Redhood: *sighs* I miss my kid Nightwing,

Nightwing: ??!!???

Redhood tearing up: I miss him a lot

Redhood on his way to Amity park: I'll be back

- almost every fic that has Danny meet Red Hood first

so, a while ago, there was a dcxdp prompt that was like "Danny Fenton gets hired by the Justice League and slowly realizes that he was hired to hunt down Danny Phantom with Justice League Dark, so he has to gaslight gatekeep girlboss his way out of it" (link in the replies if you find it bc i can't)

but what if this prompt was more chaotic?

like, dani learns whats happening and instead of trying to get her template out of this, she decides to make it worse.

the team discovers the daughter of Ghost King Phantom (and Dani should probably have a different name in ghost form, maybe a star name? Maybe she can shapeshift into her original age, so she looks five) is sabotaging their work. when they finally capture her, she immediately latches onto Danny.

So one of those batfam interferes with a cult ritual where the cult is offering/sacrificing a bride to the King of the Dead to gain his favor but something happens and a batkid ends up in the ritual circle instead stories BUT make it funny

They are studying us in petri dishes

Honestly I am weak to non-human found families. So have a little ghost family of four. No Danny is not jealous of Dan’s space cloak and there’s no way for anyone to prove that. He’s definitely not jealous. 

Dick: you would’ve done the same thing! I Had to take robin away from Tim and give it to Damian!

Bruce: you took it from the child craving independence and gave it to the on that needed structure. I wouldn’t have done the same thing- I have already done the thing

Dick: …

Bruce: what’s Harvey always say, ‘you either die a child or live long enough to understand your parents’

Sumerian Veteran: *has severe PTSD but doesn't know it because the term won't be invented for another 5000 years* I fight the same battle in my dreams every night and my relationship with my family has fallen apart.

Sumerian Healer: *saw hundreds of veterans with the exact same affliction before* You're cursed by desert demons.

How I feel

op is posting from tamriel. or perhaps the lands between

Brawl Buddies

So this is just a fun one

When Danny becomes the ghost king at 18 other ghost kinda stop fighting him seriously. They like him as king and so while they will have a friendly spat with him every now and then no one really fights him anymore.

And Danny finds this strangely frustrating!!

It’s a ghost’s nature to fight!! Now he not only has to deal with everything that involves being king but he can’t get a good fight for the death of him!!

This frustration leads him to taking a ‘vacation’ in Gotham. Hoping to find at least one super-powerful person he can have a good show down with.

Turns out he didn’t have to look far as the first time he meet his new neighbour the guy immediately started throwing hands. This lead to a brawl that drifted threw both of their apartments, all the floors of their building, including the roof and out onto the street. Danny isn’t even mad when the guy calms down, stops fighting and starts apologising for randomly attacking him. He just shrugs of the apology and complements the guy on his strength and gushes on about how fun that was!! And how that was the best fight he’s had in years!! And if the guy even wants to throw down again they definitely should.

Jason meanwhile is confused as fuck by his new neighbour. He took one look at the guy and immediately flew into level 11 pit rage and somehow this guy fucking survived that?! Plus invited him to fight again????

At first he was just gonna ignore his weird neighbour and do his best to avoid him but a few days later he noticed that the pit was actually silent after the fight. Not just quite like it gets some times but fully silent for days. It wasn’t until it started to come back up did he noticed it was gone.

Deciding to get some answers he knocks on the weird guys door but as soon as he opens it Jason just can’t help but start swinging. After the fight he’s to exhausted to ask the guy questions and in the days following he just rides the high of a pit free life.

Over time he just stops questions it. It kinda just becomes routine. He stops avoiding Danny, he learnt his name after the 4th brawl, but never really talks to him. They just kinda exchange pleasantries when they pass each other in the hall most times. Then when the pit starts acting up again he goes over to Danny’s and the two of them duke it out.

Several months later Dick comes over for a surprise visit only to find his brother trying to kill some random guy??? Then when he did the rational thing and got in between them to stop the fight both of them turned and started yelling at him!!!!! Like he was the bad guy!!!! Then they just went back to fighting!!!!

Then when Jason’s eyes finally stopped glowing the two just started acting like best buds?????? Like Jason did not just throw this guy out a 2nd story window?????? Like the guy didn’t just beat Jason with a 2x4 he found in the alley?????????

What is going on????????

seeing everyone just mindlessly sign up for threads despite all the clear warning signs feels like I’m living in Sailor Moon or a magical girl anime episode where the Monster of the Day just set up shop over night and their product is literally draining your lifeforce for the Dark Kingdom but people keep going there

NEW TUMBLR UPDATE:

You can only like 4 posts a day and if you even think of reblogging we're going to blow your brains out

I Don’t Believe You Care

Y’all are my beta readers XD if you see any errors please let me know. I’m going to post this on AO3 later.

Part one here

——

The scolding that Bruce gave Damian was the gentlest either of them had ever received, but it did cow Damian enough that he behaved while meeting Cass and Stephanie. It helped that they were sweet, Stephanie was a bit energetic and overwhelming but Cass was quiet and seemed to understand them better. She helped reign in the over-enthusiastic family friend and Danny was glad to have her as a sister. She didn’t speak much, she communicated in signs that he didn’t understand but he thought that he could learn in time, and he wanted to. When he told her so she smiled and Steph squealed, insisting loudly and brightly that they would be happy to teach him!

He couldn’t help but feel relieved that when Alfred asked Stephanie if she would be staying for dinner she joked that she should actually spend some time at home for once. It seemed like she didn’t live here, though they knew of her identity as Spoiler and her involvement with the bats, all her noise and movement wouldn’t be a consistent presence around the house. Not that Danny didn’t like her! He just thought he’d like her best in relatively small doses before she could overwhelm him.

He would ask Cass to teach him when Steph wasn’t here, it might be just slightly trickier, but he could use the excuse of letting the two friends spend the time they had together. And maybe Tim could help him practice? He must know how to communicate with his sibling after all, and Danny could already tell he and Tim were going to get along.

He was even more glad that Steph had gone when Dick arrived because as the man came barrelling in like a hurricane Danny didn’t want to think of how much chaos and noise they would be together! For all his practice in social graces they really should have prepared him for this chaos, crowds, and friendly contact. But the compound had been short sighted and ill prepared in such regards.

Dick was the worst, Danny was almost jealous of Damian who could snarl and squirm and draw a knife on the man when Dick tried to hug him. Danny put on a smile and forced a laugh and pretended that his instinctual reaction to being held like this didn’t make him want to bite and rend. He knew that Dick meant well, or at least he thought so, the man was honestly famously good natured and cared for his family. Danny wanted to be on his good side, and couldn’t bring himself to actually say he didn’t want to be touched, or at least wasn’t used to it. The sudden, quick, and broad movements Dick favoured with his dramatics made Danny want to flinch though he had better self control then that!

He dodged hugs as gracefully as he could for the rest of the night and managed to sit him and Damian between Bruce and Tim for dinner, with Danny sitting next to Tim of course. The food was good, and everyone in the family was very welcoming, but by the end of it Danny was exhausted.

He was good at this sort of thing, trained to charm, and redirect apparently effortlessly, but the thing was it wasn’t effortless, and these sorts of situations were harder to simulate then battle. Danny had done a good job, he could tell that he had them charmed, and had them warming up to Damian too actually, but he also knew that he was drooping. He should hide his fatigue, but he was still human, he yawned.

“You’ve had a long day young masters,” Alfred said, instantly picking up on the mood, he was an impressive man and they both knew it. “Now that you’ve eaten why don’t you go settle in your rooms and get some rest? I took the liberty of going to buy you some pajamas and basics that should fit the two of you. I’m sure Master Bruce will be happy to take you both out to buy clothes more suited to your taste tomorrow,” he added.

Keep reading

21st b-day celebration au!

It's Tim's 21st B-day!

Steph and Jason took him down to the sleaziest bar they knew, and then got called away for vigilante business he was forbidden to participate in, on the grounds that it was his birthday.

Bruce and Damian were working together on a case that was incredibly time sensitive and could not step away from it.

Duke was too young for the bar and had spent the day with Tim instead.

Dick was off-planet.

So Tim was alone, in a bar, kinda bored.

Until the door slams open, and in stumbles some black-haired man hanging off of the shoulders of a scraggly, sickly looking man in a leather jacket. A sickly looking woman in fishnet stockings trails in behind them, looking exasperated, and Tim just knows that it's the liquor that's making it look like that man's shadow is alive and moving around.

Interview with a Bat

by Musers

“You reported on Daith’s attempt to remove me as sitting CEO of Wayne Enterprises.”

Clark paused for a moment.

The article he wrote about the incident was insignificant, yet something about it seemed to have stuck out to Bruce Wayne.

“A lot of reporters covered that story.”

“Yes. A lot of reporters did, didn’t they?”

It felt like a trick, but he nodded anyways.

“So many reporters-” Bruce’s eyes finally moved away from the guests and back onto Clark. “And yet-” he took a small sip of the champagne- “you’re the only one who didn’t mention my kids.”

-

Clark interviews Bruce Wayne at a society function, it takes them a while to figure each other out.