axolittle
axolotl
skybreakerpony
Good post OP
the best fucking post op
I, for one, welcome our Corvid overlords.
@jaune-arc is it wrong that I imagine you cooing over crows whenever I see one?
Anonymous asked:
So, uh, idk if you already get asks like this. If so, I'm sorry. I tried looking in the titanic tag but no answer. May I ask what ever did happen to the piano-playing Jack?
Bruh that was a reblog. My main adventure involving pianos was trying to get a rogue pencil out of the piano in the student union and getting wheeled away by my friends, legs kicking and pencil yet ungrasped.
just learned that jean-jacques rousseau was so deeply deeply obsessed with being spanked - such a spank maniac if you will, that he used to drop trou and sprint backwards ass first at unsuspecting women on the off chance their first instinct would be to spank his bare ass
kramergate
i know this because he published it in his biography. he was an extremely influential philosopher and this is his story as he chose to share it
lieutenantfish
The world is a rich tapestry.
57circlesofhell
If you’re ever worded about your embarrassing shitposts coming back to haunt you, please remember that this influential philosopher literally told people in his own autobiography about his very shameable kink.
blacksheepboybucky
time to kinkshame the Enlightenment
nocuriousjustgeorge-deactivated
Here I stand, mind filled with rhymes,
the greatest puns of all the times!
My mind like gold, my soul rich butter,
my fate foretold by sherpa’s mutter.
My intellect above the birds!
Brain bursting with so many words!
Behold! the might of M. Velafi…
fuck this all lets get some coffee.
Markus Velafi, Deck of Disasters Part 4. Possibly the greatest poem in history. (via oakwyrm)
USA Basketball’s unironic love of Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” is easily the most compelling storyline of the 2016 Olympics.
Melo’s silent anguish at the end tho…
irisvwest
HE APOLOGIZED TO HER ON ESPN. He was all “I love that song. It was just so early. I was so tired. I really do love that song. I’m sorry Vanessa”
And she tweeted at him “I understand. They did a good job though”
I’m sorry, but this made my whole goddamn day.
So pure
I'm dying
men took my little pony away from us girls so us teen girls are takin pro wrestling fuck yall just try n stop us
rural-mom
have fun fetishizing the shit out of *real life* celebrities. it actually makes the people who sexualize the shit out of children’s cartoons seem normal.
did you just imply being attracted to actual real human males isn’t normal but wanting to fuck cartoon horses is
I need to reblog this again because it still makes me laugh
Call out Post for Markus Velafi
-Licked/tasted EVERYTHING in the Shrouded Isles Arc
-Writes floating messages in comic sans
-Has creeps like Verne admiring him
-Wrote a children’s book about murder
-Unintentionally created an extremely power warrior because of his laziness
-Fond of table-topping
-A menace to Impkind
-Has petty hatred for Ballast McGee
-Somehow has an unlimited amount of magic to use
-Proceeds to punch things INSTEAD OF USING HIS UNLIMITED MAGIC
-Flirts with most of the major characters.
-Has rendered multiple people unconscious via Velafi Twister
I see nothing wrong with this reasoning whatsoever
The people in the apartment below me are playing “Never Have I Ever” and I’m smoking on my porch creeping on their game
Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn’t intentional! I didn’t know what they were doing!!! Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink
Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshirt contest
(Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo)
Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH! Katy: Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche Brandon: I’m being singled out I hate you all
Guy 2: Never have I ever had a threescore [Pause] Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?!?!?!?! Katy: Shut up Andrew it’s before we even knew each other this was years ago!!! [Pause] Andrew: And you won’t even watch porn with me…
(the family is disintegrating)
Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational game of Never Have I Ever….
[People saying ‘cheers’]
(stop fighting guys you’re tearing this family apart…..)
Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food. [Pause] Andrew: Dude Brandon: Dude Katy: Dude omg Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana! Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks. Ester: what the fuck though. Whatever.
(Don’t let them kink shame you Ester I still love you)
#TeamEster #BananaSplits
Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side #TeamEster #TeamKink
Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew
#TeamBananaFucking
Ester: Never have I ever had a crush on a family member Brandon: [random fumbling noises] Katy: brandon omg ew Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND I WAS 13 IT’S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED Ester: methinks thou dost protest too fucking much Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew
#TeamBananaFucking #TeamWhatTheFuckBrandon
Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana.
#BananaCreamPie #GamesOverKids #TeamEster
This is spectacular.
@jaune-arc @morbidstardust WE ARE NEVER PLAYING THIS GAME DO NOT AMBUSH DRUNK ME SHE’D DEMAND TO PLAY (what a bitch)
It's strange how sometimes you can be doing nothing, sitting as the night closes in around your home, and look over and see someone for what feels like the first time. This child (and he will always be a child to you somehow even if only a few short years separate you. A part of you mourns for how he has grown into nearly a man; because you cleaned cuts, you read him your favorite books, you bickered and bit and snapped at one another, it was you who reminded him to dream of more than what he had, and made dinner on nights when your parents couldn't make it home from work by sundown) is comfortable enough, trusts you enough, to sleep curled up next to you on the sofa when if it were any other person he would never let so much as a fraction of his guard down. This is someone you watched learn to walk, who gave you their first smile, whose first word was the gift of your name, and you are just as struck with devotion and pride as when you were both children and that bond first grew into something soul deep. It's a terrible, beautiful, heart stopping thing to realize that your younger sibling is somebody you would fight for, die for, turn your back on everything to protect even if you know that you both are much stronger united. It's even more horrible and wonderful to realize they don't need you anymore, but still somehow want you around.
#hoo boy word vomit#writing#or#bullshit#mostly feels#some stupidity added for flavor#being a sibling is simultaniously the most terrifying and simple job I have ever had#because I helped raise this tiny person to love and lean on me#and then I left for four years#and I left him alone to bounce between houses#and for me it was always houses not homes because that kid is my home#our parents love us but we were always together always constant#and then I come home after college#did I really expect nothing to change?#because that little boy who brought me fireflies and begged for piggyback rides has grown up and doesn't need me#feelings hurt#time to wake him up if only to get him to sleep in a real bed#jesus christ#this kid will be the death of me#sharky#me
no stop friend i can’t be sempai sempai is not supposed to blush even if you’re being precious
go find a sempai worthy of you and sweetalk her
vegyta-deactivated20181007
My kink is people underestimating me and ending up wrong and embarrassed
@morbidstardust @tibaltthefriendblooded SOMEONE GET LEE
I love my people
lemonade-time
Scotland plays no games
So fuckin proud
Whole new meaning to "Scotland the Brave" A+
Being an American today is like watching your house slowly catch on fire and not being able to do anything about it and freaking out, when suddenly you hear a “BOOM!” behind you and it’s Britain, their house just exploded and is REALLY on fire and you, helpless, just wave hello from across the street.
I had to post this whole thread because this is the definition of a wholesome post. 😭😂💕🔑
llcool-johnnie
This makes me happy.
Oh my word this is adorable
#twitter#this man#i know some people may go#oh no this is bad#it isn't#this is a relationship that seems to be working and healthy#and also super cute#there's respect and care in there#and i love it#who cares if it has a few of the more traditional gender sterotypes#this is a balance struck between people#rant over#okay#cackling#too good for this world#too pure
Sometimes I think I could be a main character but that usually requires coordination and motivation and I lack both and you can fight me over getting shit done but I'd really just rather play sudoku