no offense but my obsession w being beautiful is literally going to get me killed

goin home to be ugly in peace is one of my fav things to do

me: *constantly exhausted, lightheaded, ill*

me: wow i wonder why i’m always sick ??

me: *doesn’t eat*

me: TRULY a mystery

me: *doesn’t sleep*

me: must just be a w f u l l y unlucky

me: *survives solely on water and tea*

me: aBsOluTeLy No LoGiCaL eXpLaiNaTiOn

Reality of an eating disorder

• constantly thinking about food

• even when you “aren’t hungry”

• stomach pains

• hair loss

• dry/damaged hair

• acne

• eating 4 cornflakes and feeling guilty about it

• what the fuck are ‘safe foods’

• paranoia about eating

• paranoia about people finding your journal/blog

• jealousy over “prettier people”

• but also feeling bad for being jealous

• they’re so skinny

• always tired

• stomach painsss

• did I just imagine that?

• seeing black spots when standing

• swaying 24/7

• light headed all the time

• low blood sugar

• tiny little hairs growing everywhere

• everything hurts

• collapsing

• low blood sugar nausea

• irreparable damage to teeth

• irreparable damage to organs

• when was my last period again?

• can’t take medicine/ medicine will make me fat

• how many calories in these vitamins

• how many calories in toothpaste

• everything h u r t s

• I’ll have just one bite

• triggers

• binges

• purging

• acid reflux

• dry mouth even when you’re drinking lots

• literally drinking so much that you feel sick

• suddenly 10 calories is too much

• what does bread taste like

• I forgot what bread tastes like

• I can’t remember anything

• intense pain when eating

• always. fucking. tired.

• needing lax just to “go”

• bloating

• buying multiple diet pills

• taking them all without meals

• coffee works better bc you’re getting smaller

• headaches

• migraines

• why me

• not going to social functions anymore

• not eating with friends/family anymore

• feeling your heart drop to your stomach when someone gives you food “as a treat” or “to cheer you up”

• too many calories

• eats zero calories and still fears gaining weight

• eats 1 grape and fears gaining weight

• cold. always cold. always

• being told you’re not fat but never ever believing them

• people only say nice things because they feel sorry for me

• being super defensive about food and not eating

• trying to give yourself a bug so you have more excuses/ lose weight faster

• abusing diet pills

• abusing lax even though you know it doesn’t work but you feel lighter.

• working out all the time

• fainting

• being threatened with ED clinics

• feeling “too fat” for an eating disorder even though it’s a mental illness

• feeling embarrassed about your symptoms

• “sorry for what I said when I was hungry”

• weighing myself 20+ times a day

• weighing myself everytime I go to the bathroom

• only weighing myself naked

• panicking when I can’t weigh myself

• wanting to work out but too dizzy

• can’t stand for long periods

• dizzy dizzy

• crying when people expect you to eat with them

• getting angry/defensive around food

• can’t focus

• daydreaming about fasting and weightloss

• expectations of yourself too high

• feeling hopeless

• crying in the shower

• hating everything about yourself

• pulling at your skin/fat rolls

• bruising

• sunken eyes/dark circles

• looking exhausted all the time

• being exhausted all the time

These are just my experiences

This isn’t a diet. Please stay safe ~♡