a lecture
ATTENTION ALL OF TUMBLR!
THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE.
IN 2014, IN SCHAUMBURG , ILLINOIS, USA
THERE
WILL
BE
A
TUMBLR CONVENTION!!!
SIGNAL BOOST THIS GUYS
I WANNA SEE EVERYONE THERE!!
this post eminates incredibly demonic energy
This is like finding a stray journal page in a ruined city that talks of some grand festival and the date of the entry is the day before the city was destroyed
Let me tell you about one of my high school friends’ old Dungeons and Dragons PCs.
Olaf Olafson was your pretty straightforward Northman Barbarian type. Huge, strong, pale, red-haired and with a tremendous beard. What made Olaf special was the little things.
Despite living in a world with clerical magic, demons, and other powerful alignment-based Outsiders, Olaf was an atheist. This was because his people believed the last world had already ended and the gods went with it (basically post-Ragnarok). All that was left were ‘spirits’. Powerful spirits. Who could grant deific magic. But they weren’t gods, and you didn’t have to worship them- in fact you shouldn’t, because it would just inflate their already swollen egos.
Despite being an enormous, frightening, powerful man with dubious hygeine and a propensity for going literally berserk in combat, Olaf was a gentle fellow in towns and villages, had a deep fondness for small fluffy animals and children, and was a generous tipper.
Olaf liked to drink. Not mead, but wine. He liked to sip it. It made him feel ‘civilized’. He never drank it quickly enough to get drunk. His meals almost invariably consisted of “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” Which was what he would order in literally every tavern. They’d ask him to clarify, what sort of wine? What sort of meat? What sort of- Olaf would raise a hand and repeat, slowly, as if to a fool: “Wine. Meat. Cheese.”
Olaf spoke broken common, more or less Hulk-speak, referred to himself in the third person almost exclusively, all that fun stuff. Then we had a story arc where I sent them up to Olaf’s homeland, where everyone spoke ‘Northman’ or whatever the hell I called it. While up there, he was incredibly fluent. Even poetic. “My brothers! I have returned from the decadent lands of the south, bearing riches and glory, and tales of great deeds!” The other players caught on and talked like a pack of movie Frankensteins, barely able to communicate in the foreign tongue.
For a long time, Olaf was the most financially stable member of the party. Because he bought a tavern in their home-base-town, hired the senior barmaid/waitress lady to be the manager, and funneled the profits back into the business. He kept his adventuring money and his tavern money separate, except when he would sometimes spend adventuring money to expand the tavern.
There’s not a lot to do in 3rd edition with skill ranks when you’re a barbarian, so eventually Olaf sank a point into Healing on a lark. A few sessions later, they captured an important enemy NPC, but he’d lost an arm in the fighting and was about to die. Their cleric had been captured and their NPC paladin wasn’t around, either. There was no magical healing available, and no one else had any ranks in healing. The dude was about to die, and take with him the knowledge of where their friends had been taken. Olaf- with a single rank in Healing I remind you -offered to save his life in exchange for the location, and the guy agreed. Olaf then stuck a sword in the fire, said “Olaf see this once,” and cauterized the wound.
It worked, of course. I didn’t even make him roll. I was too busy trying not to piss myself laughing. “Olaf see this once.” Jesus Christ.
An absolute legend
“The sea is emotion incarnate. It loves, hates, and weeps. It defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles. No matter what you say about it, there is always that which you can’t.” - Christopher Paolini
via @quotemadness
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and they will come forth, later, in uglier ways.”
— (via purplebuddhaquotes)
directions
comics then: funny cat loves lasagna and hates mondays comics now: pigeon experiences a micro-aggression
sitting on and touching warm rocks…………. now thats the good stuff…….
Are you….. A reptile ?
one-for-all-plus-ultra
what are you a cop? mind your business
why he do dat
m1911s-and-power-rises
Just literally handed everyone an L.
Legend
dr phil can regrow his iconic mustache in just ten hours
I had a rude-ass dream last night. Some disembodied voice said “Hey, wanna hear a funny joke?” I’m a fan of jokes and do what voices tell me in my dreams, so I say “Yeah, sure.” Then my 8 AM alarm goes off.
Prick.
Holy shit
