Yelling into the void

So, I used to be a Gifted Kid(tm), and ended up forming my whole identity around my grades. But, as I grew up, they’ve been steadily declining, completely fucking up my sense of identity and mental health.

Well, I’m now in 11th grade. I need ridiculously high grades to get into medicine (I’m not even sure I want to anymore, I just feel like I’m selling my soul for something that my parents want me to do), and the pressure is killing me.

The thing is, I know the material. The tests are the problem. For starters, it’s a high pressure environment where my performance will define my future, which is ✨delicious ✨, and already makes me anxious as fuck. And I can’t focus. I get there and I can’t focus. I literally zoned out for 10 minutes and couldn’t finish the test.

This has been causing my grades to decline. Everyone around me expects so much from me and I don’t know what to do. I’m going between not caring anymore and just depressing, and being paralysed in fear.

And I try to study, I do. But I 20 minutes into my study session I’m either scrolling my phone or doing something else entirely. And sometimes I can’t move. Just wanna do something but I can’t

I don’t know, man

to add on to the humans are space orcs/earth is the universe's australia, sensing. my therapist has recently explained that its not normal the way i know who and where someone is by their footsteps. not just the sound, but the vibrations. if someone isnt purposely walking on light feet, i can tell who and where they are, even with headphones blaring. imagine a human on a ship and the awe-filled terror itd earn from their non-human crewmates.

Gilith enters the library, searching for Human Raven. They seem to be found most often either here or in one of the many gardens on the ship. Human Alex said he'd likely find them here today.

Gilith pokes his head through the doorway, not seeing Human Raven, but before he can move on, a voice calls out from one of the high-backed chairs decorating the library.

"Hello Lithy, what do you need?"

Gilith sputters, "Wha- Human Raven, how did you know it was me?" Gilith makes his way over to the chair that held Human Raven in a twisted knot that, when Human Raven stood up, would surely leave a horrifying crunch Human Alex had likened to a human candy that exploded in one's mouth.

"You've got some loud stompers, Lithy."

"I do not know what that means, Human Raven."

Raven stands, causing Gilith to flinch at many snaps and crackles of their bones settling into place, and smiles up at his towering form.

"What did you need?"

Gilith notices more and more Human Raven's greetings. He thought maybe they could hear him coming, but they greeted him while wearing ear speakers, the volume so loud, Gilith could hear it from a few feet away.

Humans did not have psychic skills, and the only other human who seemed capable of a preemptive greeting was Human Alex. The two seemed to share all of their off-hours, so maybe that was where he could find his answers.

Gilith scoured the many gardens, stopping just outside of the doorway. He could hear Human Alex and Human Raven chattering to each other, but neither seemed to notice his presence.

In an attempt not to disturb them, he walked with what Human Bea had described as "tip-toes". A challenging feat, considering his round flat feet, but he managed.

Both Human Raven and Human Alex had their backs to him, so he coughed in the same way Human Bea often did to get everyone's attention.

The reaction he got was unexpected when both Human Raven and Human Alex flinched so hard their shoulders seemed to lock.

"My apologies! I didn't mean to startle you," he rushed over, but stopped short when they both flinched again. He recoiled his hand.

"It's ok, Lithy," Raven says, voice slightly choked. "Just give us a sec."

"Oh. Okay." Gilith turned his eyes down.

"What-" Alex started, his voice sounding as though it was rubbed raw. He cleared his throat and tried again. "What can we do for you, Gilith?"

"I did not have anything specific to talk to you about. I wanted to..." he trails off. "I wanted to inform you of the new plants we are picking up at the next trade planet."

Gilith feels his face twist with the lie, but now didn't seem like a good time to ask.

His desire to understand, however, doesn't fade after the incident. It only makes his hunger grow.

Instead of bothering Human Alex or Human Raven, Gilith decides to ask Human Bea, who does not sense him before he greets her.

"Hello, Human Bea."

"Yes, hello, Gilith. Is everything okay?"

"I have question."

Bea tilts her head. "Ask away."

"Are you- humans- able to detect someone before you see them?"

Bea's face softens into an aching sort of frown. "Not naturally."

"What do you mean?"

She takes a breath, seemingly preparing herself. "Well, most people are able to live in a relatively safe place. But some people aren't as lucky. Some people have to memorize the falls of others' feet. It's a learned survival tactic."

"I don't understand," Gilith says, his face wrinkling in confusion.

"Some people aren't safe, so for the ones who weren't born with the good luck of a safe home, they have to know who and where someone is. They have to know if they need to hide or prepare themself. They have to know if they're in danger or not."

Gilith feels his whole body go slack as a wave of sadness washes over him at the memory of Human Raven and Human Alex's reaction to his sudden appearance.

"I have loud stompers."

Bea's face scrunches up as though she's trying not to laugh. "You do. You have safe stompers, too."

Oh wow, I wasn’t prepared for this, it’s too early . Too early

I think that we as a society should collectively agree that being a billionaire is embarrassing and we should post about it more. Like we say “oh you’re a billionaire? So you like to make large hoards of money for yourself while paying your workers the bare minimum, contribute to the wealth gap and instead of using that money for good things you buy Twitter and ruin it? Ew dni”

Really wondering if postsecondary education mainly serves the needs of industry by freeing employers of the need to invest in the fundamental training of workers whose job skills come prepackaged so as to make them more readily fungible. It does this while also incentivizing employee compliance with entry level requirements for behaviour, hours, and remuneration because we know how disposable and financially insecure we are.

Wow, I was not ready for an existential crisis at this hour. Just another cog in the machine, am I right?