Please remember this St Valentine's day to celebrate all of Ol Val's patronages: Bees and Beekeepers, The Isle of Lesbos, people with epilepsy, people who really don't want to faint, and, of course, plague.
Toddler accidentally cursed himself into an identity crisis today.
He’s been crossing stuff out with chalk. He asked me to write his name for him, crossed it out, and had a panicked meltdown because he thought it meant he didn’t exist any more.
Every hour or so he asks me “am I [his name?]” and wants reassuring hugs.
I’m enjoying the implication that he was perfectly delighted with arbitrarily erasing things from existence until it affected him personally
That’s just how toddlers are.
bugs bunny taught me that murder is okay if you’ve been inconvenienced in any way
Weird peeve time. Calling lab grown gemstones “fake” is stupid because it’s the same shit just not formed naturally. An artificially grown diamond is the same shit as a natural diamond it is the exact same material bro it’s all fuckign carbon
spacefroggity
It’s carbon it’s pretty and it didn’t involve slave labor what’s not to love??? Hi I’m having geology opinions tonight apparently. And I’m right
spacefroggity
There is so much bullshit in the diamonds industry to be mad about tbh. It also ties into the bullshit of the wedding industry as a whole but we don’t have the time to unpack all that
not even going to lie, the day i learned i could get like 15 lab grown rubies the size of dimes for $20 is the day i spent $20 on rubies, and i have never once said to myself “man, i wish this cost $1,600 and the lives of eight children to produce”
We are a pro-lab-grown mineral blog here, not only is it massively cheaper but massively more ethical as well in many cases.
another very cool lab grown gem is Moissanite. It has a 9.25 on the mohs hardness scale where diamond is a 10. Moissanote also has a 2.69 refractive index in comparison to diamond’s 2.419 and here is the difference
and the best thing about moissanite? It is all lab grown and it costs only a fraction of what diamond costs. So fuck the diamond indsutry and buy lab grown gems which cost significantly less
Also it’s just cool to think of some mad scientist lookin person doing shit against the law of the universe and making pretty gems for you. Like cmon. This shouldnt be allowed probably. But humans really be like on gOD i want some shiny an just started MAKIN em
dadzathechaosgod
for years people wanted alchemy, well now we have alchemy and we’re making gemstones out of it and suddenly “it doesn’t count” anymore
Working in food service is so surreal because like... nothing I do for people is anywhere close to life and death, but some customers absolutely act as though it is. I look a woman dead in the eye and solemnly inform her that unfortunately we are out of oat milk, and I see her heart shatter in front of me, right there at the bakery counter at 8 in the morning. I feel like a handsome TV surgeon informing someone that their beloved fiancée died on the table. He’s gone... I’m so sorry. We lost him. We are out of oat milk
Me meeting a genie: Okay, so my first wish is for 1000 dollars a day, deposited to my bank account without any way of tracing it to anything illegal. I want this money to come from the ten richest people in America (100 dollars each), withdrawn under the guise of nebulous, random purchases and surcharges. It would probably be best to split the money into a myriad of smaller fees, though, to reduce the likelihood of anyone noticing. Got all that?
Genie: um
Me, continuing on without a care: For my SECOND wish, I want you to give me the ability to learn any given phoneme, so that I can learn to pronounce new languages perfectly. If you're willing, it'd be nice if it were a little easier to memorize new languages too, but if that's not cool, I'm perfectly fine doing all the legwork myself I mostly just want to be capable of pronouncing things correctly.
Genie, now staring at me like I'm insane: ......okaaayyy?....
Me: For my third wish. I want to always have great ideas for gifts for people. Every birthday, every holiday, I want to be able to come up with something they'd really like, with enough time to actually get it for them.
Genie, just staring at me
Me: I can provide you with a written document if that would help.
people like op are the ones that get memorialized in folk tales for outwitting the devil
friendlyneighbourhoodbicycle
THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY IMPORTANT GUYS
When I was young, my mom would always tell me that if I’m in danger, the first thing to do is to run and scream, even though I take self defense lessons Coming from JACKIE CHAN, this is SUPER IMPORTANT OKAY
there-is-still-some-liquor-left
victor frankenstein, sweaty and sickly: please fuck off. please fuck off. please fuck off.
his reanimated corpse son:
masochist-incarnate
So I’m gonna kill your wife
shakescene
this is my favorite reply on this post because for a moment I forgot the creature kills victor’s wife and i thought you were threatening me
maybe you should kiss a cat on its tiny little head then you'll feel better
ptah! ptah!! hair in my mouf
Pitch: a muppet movie where the muppets play D&D, and it cuts between the muppets around the table and the fantasy being acted out, but instead of it just being the muppets dressed up in D&D fantasy costume, it's celebrity actors but the muppets do the voices, and the actors have to act how those muppets would. Imagine a barbarian played by Jason Mamoa voiced by Miss Piggy.
oH. OH I WANT THIS BADLY.
what if one person at the table is a normal human but in the DnD game they're a muppet?
Chance would’ve inspired some dope Renaissance paintings 👼🏼
ok I may have gotten a little carried away with this
no, no, this is perfect
