goals: getting as fucked up as christine is in this video

Let Him In

Random mall Santa’s are hanging up in family pictures in peoples homes, a random guy working a 9-5 is in someone’s priceless family photo.

TURN THE SOUND ON TURN THE SOUND ON TURN THE SOUND ON

Last night I dreamt that Cardi B was engaged to Bill O’Reily and literally no one else was bothered by this except me so I went on all the late night talk shows and was like “WHY IS THIS OKAY?” And Time Magazine called me Hater of the Year.

This is still the funniest dream I’ve ever had

the day i finally release my inhibitions and feel the rain on my skin it’s over for you bitches

In our lifetime, there will be a country song where the guy’s self-driving truck leaves him too.

the fatter you are the higher chance you have at winning spin the bottle

this is random but the pizza in a goofy movie had no business looking that good

anyone who says they would rather be an avenger than a guardian is a fool. the guardians go on constant outer space adventures with a talking tree set to 70’s dad music. plus they all love and would literally die for each other. what do the avengers do? assemble for five minutes then get into a walmart parking lot fight and never see each other again. fuck you.

Thor ghost wrote this