Story time:

In middle school biology, we did an experiment. We were given yams, which we would sprout in cups of water. We then had to make hypotheses about how the yams would grow, based on descriptions of yam plants in our books, and make notes of our observations as they grew.

Here’s what was supposed to happen: we were supposed to see that the actual growth of the plant did not resemble our hypotheses. We were then supposed to figure out that these were, in fact, sweet potatoes.

What actually happened was that every single student in every single class lied in their notes so that their observations perfectly matched their hypotheses. See, everyone assumed the mismatch meant they had done something wrong in the process of growing the plant or that they had misunderstood the dichotomous key or the plant identification terminology. And, thanks to the wonders of a public school education, everyone assumed the wrong results would get us a failing grade. We were trying to pass. We didn’t want to get bitched out by the teacher. Curiosity, learning, science - that had nothing to do with why we were sitting in that classroom. So we all lied.

The teacher was furious. She tried to fail every student, but the administration stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to because a 100% fail rate is recognized as a failure of the teacher, not the class. It wasn’t even her fault, really, though her being a notorious hard-ass didn’t help. It was a failure of the entire educational system.

So whenever I see crap like Elizabeth Holmes’s blood test scam or pharmaceutical trials which are unable to be replicated or industry-funded research that reaches wildly unscientific conclusions, I just remember those fucking sweet potatoes. I remember that curiosity dies when people are just trying to give their superiors the “right” answers, so they can get the grade, get the job, get the paycheck. It’s not about truth when it’s about paying rent. There’s no scientific integrity if you can’t control for human desperation.

God, I love characters that embrace radical goodness. Like yes, the world can be a messed up place, but no matter how bad it gets, it’s still worth loving. Be the hope you want to see in the world energy.

Update! I'm making this a series. Link for pt 2: ladies edition

radical goodness part 2 | radical goodness part 3 | radical goodness part 4

"I'm tough" I whisper.

He nods, "I know you are."

"I can take care of myself."

"You have," he says "You still do. You always will. I've just joined in too. Now we take care of each other."

the thing about kageyama is that he was never mean. and the show works really hard to make it clear that he was never malicious or mean spirited. and so he doesn’t have to have a redemption arc, his character arc becomes centered around understanding, trust, and love. he isn’t learning how to be kind, he’s always been kind. he is learning how to see other people and learning how to know other people. he always loved volleyball but now he loves his team. and he really really loves hinata

Bonus Hollywolf

#i support magna guards’ rights #their right to be casually and sexily decapitated by jedi master obi-wan kenobi

Doctor Who is about the human condition, it’s about silly outfits, it’s about the power ordinary people can wield, it’s about ridiculous haircuts, it’s about the abiding love for humanity, it’s about one alien weirdo and their jealous girlfriend of a time machine, it’s about helping the most vulnerable, it’s about christmas-cracker-level puns, it’s about protecting the innocent, it’s about a butch Australian lesbian flirting with her alien scientist roommate, it’s about how good will always triumph over evil, it’s about two platonic besties passing their shared brain cell back and forth, it’s about kindness and the intrinsic power of hope, it’s about a sapphic alien making heart-eyes whenever her bestie talks about reversing the polarity-

hello please turn your attention to this

MCU fans: Why cant the MCU do something different? All their films are so formulaic.

MCU: *does something different*

MCU fans: ew this is cringe, I hate it. Why arent there any good MCU films anymore?

Say what you will about Wilbur Soot but you've gotta admit "use sex appeal and high-school english knowledge of the classics to become a famous minecraft youtuber and then use minecraft youtuber clout to become a successful musician" is the funniest career path of all time

MATT MURDOCK + text posts

If you:

Then it’s possible you’ve been raised as a food for narcissists. These are the signs of severe childhood neglect, abuse, and trauma conditioning to force you to act as a source of endless attention, support, comfort and admiration, while receiving zero nurturing, attention or caretaking yourself. It’s likely you’ve been severely and unfairly overpunished for showing any human needs, signs of pain or struggle, or for wanting any attention, until it was very deeply established in your mind that it’s shameful and wrong for you to have human needs. It was wrong and despicable to do this to you. Narcissistic parents do this to children because they view them merely as a resource of narcissistic supply and not people whose feelings exist, or lives are as important as theirs. You did not deserve to grow up this way. Nobody should ever have punished you for being a normal child. You are human, too.

brain: you know what? fuck you *un-remembers your childhood*

Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist

Resources

Physical abuse

Blatant Lies

Psychological abuse

If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Abusive parents will make you feel like you are the single worst person on the planet. They make you feel like your every move is a mistake, your presence is a bother to everyone, and your needs are a burden. They make you feel like you’re the most undesirable, worthless, bothersome person who shouldn’t even exist. Most of the time they let you know very clearly that you’re only a shameful existence to the family and they want nothing to do with you.

So why then, do they expect you to follow their orders, or else? Why do they demand you to be present when it’s convenient for them, to give them your compassion and understanding and to work as hard as you can to make things easier on them? Why are they against you moving away and living on your own? Why are they not giving you freedom to go off and have your own life, instead of “burdening” theirs?

It’s because all of the things they make you feel are merely a manipulations to control you. They lead you on to think that if you listen, behave, obey, offer everything a person can offer to them, do whatever you’re told, and act a role they desire you to - that their opinion of you will change, you will deserve to be a part of the family, you will become accepted. It’s all a lie. They never planned to do anything but control you, and they will say any kind of disgusting lie to keep controlling you. You were never a burden, you were never a bad person, and your presence wasn’t a bother even to them, they needed you, required you to be present and obedient so they would have all they want.

If you were such a bother they would have made sure that you live free of them, they would never require you to do anything for them, they would never imply that you have some kind of obligations or debts to them, you don’t want bothersome people to owe you anything. They would want freedom from you, just as you want freedom from them, but it’s never what they want, is it? They want you to be trapped in thinking that by trying hard, by sacrificing your own value and importance and needs and wants, you could deserve to be included in the family. But this concept is fake, you cannot deserve family, you cannot work to be a part of something, you either are or you are not. If you are not automatically a part of the family, you can never be, it’s impossible no matter what kind of benefit you offer to abusive people, for them to actually provide you with something they never had in the first place, love and acceptance.

Abusive parents have nothing to offer to you but lies, and they’re despicable, hateful lies that keep haunting and hurting you years after they’ve been told. It’s not on you that they failed to see you for who you are, and that they failed to acknowledge they don’t deserve you as their child. You were too good for them from the start. Nothing they said about you ever held any truth in it.

Some rarely-mentioned signs that parents are abusive

I see a lot of lists of things that abusive parents do. But some things I have never seen in a list so far and I would like to add them, because according to the other lists, I’ve never experienced abuse from my parents. But just because it doesn’t appear on a standard list doesn’t mean it’s not abuse, so here is an addendum.

I think most of these points are specific for kids who are disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent, and that this is the reason why they never appear on other lists. But these kids are especially vulnerable to (emotional) abuse, so I made this.

1. Shaming you for your disabilities, mental illness or neurodivergency. This includes undiagnosed conditions. If a parent sees that their child is having problems, they should try to help or, if they can’t, get external help.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for self-harming.

It is not okay for parents to shame you for having meltdowns.

It is not okay for parents to shame or punish you for things you cannot help, no matter how hard it is for them.

Yes, if parents do honestly have no clue what is happening, they might misinterpret your (re)actions. But no later than when they talk with you about it, they should eventually realize that you’re not doing it on purpose. Parents can and should get help from others and/or professionals if it’s too much for them.

2. Shaming you for mistakes. People make mistakes. Inexperienced people make more mistakes. Young people are by definition inexperienced. Especially those of us who are mentally ill, neurodivergent or intellectually disabled, (but really literally everyone) is bound to make mistakes while growing up.

You might not know that there is a difference between cleaning agents and shower gel. You might not know that lotion isn’t good for a potted plant. You might now know that there is a reason why the cat is in that cage. You might think that something is a good and harmless trick but it actually has really bad consequences.

You might not know these things even if everyone else your age does. It’s not your fault. 

It’s okay for parents to be angry, disappointed or shocked. It’s not okay for parents to let it out on you. It’s their job to teach you and if they didn’t do it correctly, it’s not your fault. 

(For example, I didn’t know that cleaning agents and shower gel are different things until I was 18. As a little child, I was told to stay away from cleaning agents and not to touch them and I was never told otherwise, so I just accepted that until I was taught otherwise by someone else.)

3. Breaking promises. This sounds vague, I know. And I know that sometimes promises can’t be held. Sometimes they are forgotten. Sometimes even parents don’t have the energy to keep up their end of the bargain. It happens.

But if it’s a constant pattern, if you are coerced into doing things you don’t like by promises that will never be held, it’s not okay any more.

4. Threats. It’s one thing to explain to a child or teen the consequences of their actions. It’s okay to explain that you need to study or else you will fail your tests and it’s okay to explain what happens then.

It’s not okay to threaten you with grave consequences for minor failures. It’s not okay to remind you of these consequences every time you do something wrong. It’s not okay to keep threatening you when you are unable to do whatever it is they want you to do.

5. Threatening you with things that should not be threats. It’s not okay to threaten a child or teen with doctor’s appointments, hospitals, psychotherapy or psychiatry. These things are supposed to help. You should not grow up to be afraid of needing a doctor or a therapist.

Seriously, instead of a parent threatening their child with psychiatry, they should just go there and try to get help for the whole family because it’s probably desperately needed.

6. Sudden and unjustified punishments. It’s not okay to suddenly punish you for something that has previously been okay. 

If parents are fed up with their children’s behaviour, they should establish rules and explain and justify punishments, and give their children a chance to actually comply (while also considering their children’s abilities).

(For example, as a teen I never helped with housework. I didn’t have the executive functioning and I never got taught how to do it. But suddenly I was punished for not helping with housework.)

7. Unpredictability. It’s not okay to suddenly change the rules without warning.

It’s not okay if it’s “You should go out more often” one day and “No you are not allowed to go out” the next.

Some parents have trouble offering a constant reliability due to their own illness/disability/neurodivergence. It happens. 

But the moment it makes you as their child afraid of their reactions, afraid that they might have a sudden change of heart, it’s not okay any more.

8. Assuming bad intentions where there are none. As I already said, people make mistakes. People even make stupid mistakes. People misjudge, miscalculate, people lose their temper. This happens to parents as well as to their children and everyone else. 

What is not okay is for parents to see you doing something wrong and immediately assuming you’re doing it to harm them.

(For example, I always stayed up late. My parent had trouble sleeping. When I made too much noise, they assumed it was intentional in order to deny them their sleep.)

9. “I want you to do the thing but I also want you to want to do the thing.” This is a tricky one, but I have heard this from so many people that I’m including it as an extra point. I think it’s actually some sort of double bind, because you can only do it wrong or do it wrong in a different way.

It’s okay for parents to demand their children do things they do not like, for example doing chores, doing homework and similar things. (However, it’s not okay to demand more than you can actually do.)

It’s okay for parents to ask their children to do them a favour, for example sometimes do a little more housework, helping them with other stuff, going to the store and so on.

It’s okay for you to not want to do something. It’s okay to do something even if you don’t want to. Actually, most favours work that way, you rarely ever like them but you do them anyway because you want to do something for someone else. Most chores work that way. Almost nobody likes doing the dishes.

However, it’s not okay to make you feel bad for doing something anyway. If you don’t like doing something, you don’t like it, and nobody has the right to demand you to feel differently about it. 

10. Making you feel bad for opening up to them. If you tell a parent about your experiences, your feelings, your problems and your secrets, they should be accepting and loving.

Punishing you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. Shaming you for things they would have never known if you hadn’t told them is wrong. It’s a parent’s job to offer their child emotional support. It’s wrong for them to show you that you can’t trust them.

Never seen 9 talked about before. That feeling of being not only forced to do something but being forced to show you like it too. Or being expected to love it/them you do it without prompting. (They might expect you to do something and then act hurt if you don’t do it “without them telling you”.)

So they can control not only your body but your mind….ahhhhhhhdjafjajkalsjsjak. I could not badmouth them or be on my own side even in my mind for the majority of my life because I was programed to immediately feel ashamed and like a heartless ungrateful sub-human creature.

Children growing up in abuse always keep asking themselves just why their parents hate them so much? What have they done to deserve it? What is so horrible about them that they would deserve this level of hatred? And abusive parents supply answers daily, you’re a financial burden, you need food and clothes and attention, you sometimes don’t do things exactly how they want, you don’t deliver parent’s expectations, and on top of that, they insist there’s something so unlovable, despicable and disgusting inside of you, that nobody could possibly love you.

This breaks children’s spirit. Because we as children, we all have no choice but to love our parents. We love them even as they hate us. And we do everything in our power to stop them from hating us so much. We lower our wants and needs, until we’re barely any burden at all. We don’t ask for new clothing or new stuff anymore, we make do, we try to work off whatever money parents spend on us, we don’t ask for attention anymore, even when we really need it. We try our hardest to meet parent’s expectations, we push ourselves in everything so hard we end up breaking our spirits. Every single mistake means we deserved more hatred. Every “less than perfect” result causes us to break down because again, it means we deserve the hatred and punishment, because once again we are worthless in our parents’ eyes.

And nothing works, even as our parents insist it’s because of our own faults and selfishness and demands that they hate us, even as we bring it to a minimum, even as we give up everything we’re entitled to have in a family, the hatred doesn’t go away. We come home and parets we worked so hard to please look us in contempt, lash out at us, act as if everything would be better if only we didn’t exist. How is a child supposed to go on? We know we can’t survive without our parents, we know we need to be accepted as a part of the family in order to have a place in our community, in order to be safe, to have a future. And our parents, people who are supposed to accept us, who are supposed to know us the best, because they’ve known us for our entire lives, they say no, you don’t belong anywhere, you’re not wanted anywhere, this world doesn’t need or want anyone like you.

It’s not a wonder we all end up growing up terrified we can’t be loved, that we’ll never be a part of anything. Even rejection and abandonment from friends and partners are huge blows for us, because it’s not about “not getting what we want”, it’s proof that our parents were right, that we can never deserve to be loved. It makes life miserable and terrifying for us. Being singled out as one human who cannot be redeemed, who cannot deserve a place in someone’s heart, and being told over and over again there’s something deep inside of us that is wrong and selfish, and justifies all the abuse done to us, it’s torture. We’re set up as children, to keep going thru torture for rest of our lives, because our parents didn’t have the decency to sit down, and admit the problem was never in us. It’s them who didn’t have a capacitiy to give us a loving home. It’s them who took advantage of a child who had nowhere else to go, and force them into life of hatred and abuse. It’s them who watched a child struggle with unbearably painful concept of themselves being unlovable, when they did nothing wrong, nothing to deserve it, nothing that would justify them being denied of warmth, acceptance and love. It’s them who let that child suffer, and felt nothing. It’s them who caused the suffering, and could have stopped it, but they didn’t. They benefited of it. They made sure it continued. They made sure all of their faults were hidden, and instead had a child believe there was no place for them in the world.

You try to tell me they’re not monsters. You just try to tell me there’s a child in the world who deserved this.

Skills you shouldn’t have to learn to survive yet child abuse forces you to:

Subtle signs of long-term psychological abuse: