Brooklyn absence

We met in Boston He was from Brooklyn I'm from CT He's hard but kind Demanding but respected Confident and protective Exciting but secretive Paranoid Why? I never pried It wasn't my place, I told myself.. Figured if he trusted me he'd confide, but no He was so sweet Told me he would be around all the time for me, once he got this deal going, (whatever that meant) Long story short I inconvenienced myself about 5 times going out to see him (3 hr drive) to be with not only him, but random friends that also needed to hangout the same night, only finding out after arriving.... I met some really kind interesting people, but the fact was, I was there for him, but he couldn't manage being with just me Shit was crazy Summer came, didn't hear from him for a month Called once, 4/5 weeks in, no answer Texted : just wanted to see if you were flaking or not Responds: 'nahhh luv been crazy busy' I'm sorry, a month? You already flaked my guy 🖕🏻✌🏼 I dont know what it was about him, but his abrupt absence after being so reassuring that I was going to be seeing him all the time, really fucked with me.. I mean... This went on for about 4 months.. Just be honest, we could've been cool, all I wanted was for you to tell me the deal, but I never got it, and with my final response: If you're really 'too busy' I'm all set All I got was 'I am luv' Then nothing Never met someone so cold, but I couldn't bare wounding my pride any further My Brooklyn guy .. I'm not sorry I met you, it was an experience. I wouldn't take back, A lesson that won't be ignored

Coney Island completed my morning 🖤

So I spent new years eve at my boyfriends sisters wedding, which was from 6-12:30am. It was so much fun, I had a great time, until about 11:15. Since I only knew maybe 3 people there, after drinking 6 glasses of wine I was content with sitting at my table by myself. That wasn't okay though. He comes over and starts badgering me about how I shouldnt look like I'm miserable and what's wrong with you. Ive always been the loaner type so when I'm pushed outside of my comfort zone for two long I start to shut down. So that's what I did. BTW my phone died 45 min into this thing. In order to calm my anxiety and attempt to rekindle my "fun,happy" mood, I took out a pen and paper and started drawing/ doodling. He comes back over and starts freaking out saying I'm so rude and selfish, that I'm basically telling the bride im having a shitty time, and ruining the entire wedding. I assure you. No one cared. But I put it in my bag and he continued by yelling at me that I'm a selfish bitch and hed never forget this Are you fucking kidding me ?? I stayed starring into the crowd from a distance silently, wanting to burst into tears.... I take one too many antidepressants, as I walk out the door. I walk down this path towards a lake and sat on a cold wet bench, as it continued to sprinkle. I listened to 3 songs on my ipod, 1. Only you, 2. Why can't I, and 3. Breath into me. In the middle of the third song it died. But not before I noticed it was 12:02 am. The entire night I waites for that one special moment, but instead I was alone, cold and wet. The saddest part of this is he never tried to cheer me up.. He may have tried to have a conversation with me about how I was acting, not the same. At all. Attacks and put downs don't usually lift my spirits. The truly most unfortunate part of the entire unnecessary fight is if I had be should a shred of affection I would have been happy. A hug, maybe? But no, rather than actually trying I was told to get over whatever way I was feeling and fake it bc otherwise I was being extremely rude and ruining one of the most important days of his life. Ive never had someone be so emotionless or uncaring. All I saw was embarrassment and anger. Like what I was doing was drawing a crowd.. assure no one even noticed me. I apologized after about an hour of screaming back and forth over pretty much me saying I did nothing but sit there, and him saying I looked like I was miserable even though he was the one causing my misery. But that wasn't good enough. You know that saying, you should never go to sleep angry? Apparently that's not something he gives a shit about. That my stomach was turning all night, bc in the midst of everything he was on his phone for the rest of the night (1-3) which.. Doesn't make any sense. You can't talk to me but you can talk to whoever else. Probably wishing he was with his ex. I understand that's extreme, but this gut is just so unpredictable.. I really just don't know anymore. 🖕🌍

Why is it so wrong that I want you

Always hold that #smile girl

It's crazy to think, one single person can drive such intense negative feelings from someone so damaged. You'd think after all the times we've been hurt it would make us impervious to this painful breathlessness.. The only way I can describe it is being sucked of all energy, oxygen, and emotion.. If I beg it might make it worse.. If I hold back all that I feel... He might not see... Or maybe Ill just stay.. Unheard .. Unappreciated .. And most of all ... Unloved

So we're watching a comedic video. Me, the guy, and his cousin. Guess whose text pops up at 1:30am but Adriana. (the girl I he slept with 3 weeks into us being together) Apparently she's "physco" and by telling her to leave him alone, she'll try to ruin his life. You know when people say, if it looks a certain way, and feels a certain way, usually that's the way it is. Yeah, tell me about it. So after that we ignored it after I kept saying "really?" Pissed. Jokingly. But pissed. We go down stairs. Don't talk about it. Watch a 2 shows. Tell him how it's a one way street with us. And he's completely stunned by my comment. Are you serious? How is this not a one way street? What guy in a new relationship doesn't want to fuck his girlfriend ? Especially when he was completely able yo fuck this other girl no issue. And she's still hitting him up at 130 in the morning ? Not okay. I'm not equipped for this type of situation. I don't handle stress well I'll use.

What kind of "boyfriend" tells his girl, " you knew I was kidding, but you really don't think out of all the beautiful women in the world I'm not going to want to fuck some of them?" I'm sorry.... Any non-abusive relationship I've ever been has absolutely not had a issue with keeping those feelings to themselves..... Maybe I wouldnt be so screwed up if he would fuck me... But why would that happen? Sleep is way more important then satisfying your girl. FUCK

He jokes- " she's lucky I'm taken bc I would definitely try to fuck her" In a new relationship, with the guy making this remark.. Talking about a girl we both recently met through a mutual friend, I like her, she's sweet and pretty, I have zero issues, So.. He gets a new job at her place of work.. Fyi.. Jokes about this while we're lying in bed together, He wasnt going to touch me reguardless of what may have changed, I know this bc.. Apparently he's a porn addict In order for him to give me good sex We need to not fuck for a week or two, So here I'm left.. Questions spiral, but I don't ask, all I do is reach for another drink, and leave He falls asleep

Nights like these, don't last forever

I suppose everyone needs to get their heart broken from now and again... Keeps us strong