Fresh Knows Freshness. (A product and hygiene guide for bros w/ tips)
You’d think keeping it fresh is easy for bros.
I mean, easier than for the ladies, right?
Ladies, well, they’ve got moist orifices that are mucus-y and need to maintain a pH balance & etc. (Sorry for the gross description ladies, I know the punany is self-cleaning & wonderful). We’ve just got a pole and a sack to concern ourselves with. Relatively easy to clean.
But bros, we sweat. We sweat heavy.
There are bros I know who still got skid marks in their draws.
Yes. That is real life, bruh. Bros who be a lil’ musty. Bros whose breath is not on point. Bros whose lips is forever chapped. Bros who JUST AIN’T ONE HUNNA ON KEEPING IT PRESENTABLE to the world, yo.
Not knowing isn’t bad. It just means that you ain’t know. Ya mans Fresh got you, bruh. I'ma give u a product guide and tips to keep it extra tight. I swear to God bruh, if bitches don’t remark how different your shit is, we can go a round of slapboxing (first nigga to cry buys beer).
Let’s start with showering. You should get in one of these a day in the winter and two of these a day in the summer. Those are hygiene basics. More than 2 showers a day can have a potentially damaging effect on your skin.
The outermost layer of your skin’s surface (called the stratum corneum or horny layer) is a barrier made of hardened, dead skin cells. These skin cells offer protection for the underlying layers of living, healthy cells. The horny layer is more than just dead skin cells; it’s held together by lipids, which are fatty compounds that actually help maintain moisture in your skin.
Anytime you take a shower – especially a hot one – with soap and a scrubbing device like a washcloth or a loofah, you’re undermining the integrity of your skin’s horny layer. The soap and the hot water dissolve the lipids in the skin and scrubbing only hastens the process. The more showers you take, the more frequently this damage takes place and the less time your skin has to repair itself through natural oil production. What’s more, the horny layer of your skin can be sloughed off by scrubbing, exposing the delicate skin cells beneath. The result of showering too frequently is generally dry, irritated and cracked skin. Or what the hood calls ASHINESS.
What you want is antimicrobial or antibacterial soap. Stank is when bacteria that live on the skin break down sweat into acids - some heads say it is the smell of bacteria growing on the body, but it really is the result of bacteria breaking down protein into certain acids. Antimicrobial or antibacterial soap kill stank. Me, personally, I have DEADLY armpits. My shits stink, bruh. Like I have to wash and shampoo my shits to get the smell out. I have to make a concentrated effort to maintain freshness. I used to use Dove. Dove don’t do shit for me anymore.
Dove ain’t a great soap for bros, bro. Unless you got eczema or some shit, use a real soap. Dove is the Drake of the soap world, bruh. Dove is the P.M Dawn of soaps. After I use Dove, the bar of soap stinks, lol.
I currently rock with Tea Tree Oil Soap. Tea tree oil soap beats body odor. As y'all know, stank is caused by bacteria on the skin and clothes, according to the Health Services at Columbia University. Antibacterial soaps can help resolve body odor, as can tea tree oil soap, which is antimicrobial. Bathing regularly with tea tree oil soap can diminish the bacteria that lead to body odor. The tea tree oil in soap also has a fresh, invigorating, clean scent, according to The Body Shop, a leading purveyor of natural body care products. Liquid tea tree oil soap can also be used as a shampoo as well as for adding a fresh scent to laundry. I personally don’t rock with liquid soap cuz the shit don’t stay on my body and give me that lather I need to feel clean. I cop mine from Trader Joes. They come 2 in a pack and they are all natural, strong and gentle, MAD cheap and a game changer. First time I used it, no lie, I saw dirt pour off my body in the shower like I never peeped before. We’re getting ahead of ourselves tho, cuz you’re supposed to wash your hair FIRST.
Look, there’s a process to showering. You wash your hair first because all the oils and dirt from your head will run down your body despite your best efforts. I have a thick waxy clay-like mix of sweat, oil, dirt, dandruff and dead skin that forms on my scalp that I can literally scrape off with a metrocard if I don’t hold it down with the shampoo. I don’t wan’t the hot water melting that down my face after I already washed cuz then I gotta re-wash all the oil off my face to avoid bumps and ingrowns. So shampoo. I fuck with either this one Shea Butter Shampoo and conditioner joint from Madina (if you live in Brooklyn, they’re on Atlantic ave between 4th and 3rd & there are mad dope things in their store).
It smells sooo good and clean, bro. I wash my beard with it too. If you don’t live in Brooklyn, cop it on Amazon. I get mine for like $3 a bottle. When I’m not home though, I go with Garnier Fructis Daily Care.
Look, you know how shampoo works. If not read the back of the bottle.
After I wash my hair, I hit my face with face wash (also tea tree oil). I use face wash cuz bar soap feels filmy on my face. I’m not gon’ lie to you tho, this shit WILL dry your face out if you have already dry skin. I have an oily t-zone (when your brow area and nose bridge are shiny and oily) and then when the aforementioned oily scalp hit my face, I need all the help I can get. If you a head that gets zits and shit still, this might help you a LOT. This face wash shit will dead the grease off your face with the quickness, bro. Also copped at Trader Joes for the low, but avail on Amazon.
Aight, now we washed head and face, work your way down, bro.
Yo, use EXFOLIATING SHOWER GLOVES. A washcloth don’t do shit my g. Washclothes are for bitches, bro. Unless you have a warm coochie that needs delicate cleansing, get you an exfoliating shower glove. They’re at Target, Walgreens, Duane Reade, all them stores for less than $10. If you feel like a bitch cuz they look like this:
then go pay $15 over at MENSCIENCE for some “Buff Body Gloves” which are these shits above, just in black. These gloves, coupled with that soap I put you on to, will have you VERY CORRECT MY G.
When I’m going out for the night tho, I like using these gloves with expensive ass bodywash. Special occasions call for special things. I suggest:
While you in there hit the nuts bro, like go behind them joints, hit the taint, go hard in the crease between your inner thigh and your junk with the tea tree oil soap, bro. Hit the asshole too man. All that. For real. Shampoo your pubes. Hit between the toes, my g. Use those exfoliating gloves. Get clean. Women notice these things and you will feel like a grown-up. Them 5 minute fake ass shower joints y'all be doing in lukewarm water where u rub a bar of Dove soap over your face, pits, nuts and buttcheeks & jump out ain’t cutting it, son. Y'all are funky. Stop that shit. Y'all are too old to be not clean, yo. U feel me?
Then- once you get out the shower, pat dry. then while your pores are still open, hit that lotion. Remember how we talked about the top layer getting scrubbed off? Now that skin is ready to be moisturized.
Nivea joints (especially, Essentially Enriched). Pick one that’s right for you tho here: http://www.niveausa.com/products/body-care/product-type/lotion
Shea butter or cocoa butter is your friend. Remember that. Hit yourself with da butters early and often (go LIGHT w/ it on your face tho, just a lil bit).
Aight, now. Listen to me. If you’ve been using anti-perspirant, stop that shit. Stop it right fucking now. It’s really unnatural and terrible for your physiology. It will fuck with you and make your undershirts underarms yellow. Them yellow stains will NEVER come out either. The dominant theory is that the aluminum-based ingredients in antiperspirants somehow react with sweat or skin or shirts or laundry detergent or all of the above to make that foul stain. Hanes is even “researching the ‘yellowing phenomenon,’” according to the Wall Street Journal. The only way to truly prevent them is to say no to aluminum-based antiperspirants.
Antiperspirants don’t actually stop the sweating process.
The aluminum compounds in antiperspirants effectively stop up the eccrine sweat glands.
Look, we sweat. We’re supposed to sweat. Sweating is how the body does it’s job at cooling us down, releasing toxins, etc. Stank is the problem. Get rid of THAT.
If you on the smaller end of the budget spectrum and you stank, hit that Old Spice Swagger up one time. It worked for me for the last 3 years or so.
I feel like generally my expiration date is 8-10 hours. After 8-10 hours, my deodorant begins it’s incline. I feel a lil sticky, a lil off.
Old Spice Swagger gives me almost the full 10 hours out of all the deorants I’ve tried so I rock with them. But lately, I been on some other, more grown Japanese shit.
this shit smells like peace and tranquility. It’s a very mild but good CLEAN scent and it’s significantly and thicker underarm stick than Old Spice (i.e the deodorant STICKS to you longer). This is when you wanna be a grown up and pay $23 for good shit though. This is for when you wanna laugh at niggas who still use basic deodorant. Stunt levels to this shit, boy.
Floss before brushing your teeth, change your toothbrush every 3 months, get a tongue scraping cleaner and use antiseptic mouthwash. 2 x a day bro. Morning and night. Most of your mouth stank is food (mainly MEAT) rotting in the spaces between your teeth (where the floss helps) and bacteria sitting on the mucus on the back of your tongue (this is where that tongue scraper comes in handy). If you smoke weed, carry some Dentyne Ice gum because your breath smells like burnt bean burrito yo.
Also, my sis and singer and hot chick extraordinaire Cocoa Sarai added this pro tip: If you have chapped, fucked up lips, brush your lips with your toothbrush (gently) at night along with your teeth. It exfoliates your lips and softens them overnight. Jawns will not fuck with you if your lips look like they will cut them.
These are some basics. If you a heavy dude, lightly powder your inner thighs to avoid chafing and absorb sweat. Bigger dudes sweat more, duh. Don’t stick q-tips all the way in your ear as this pushes wax deep in your ear and fucks your hearing up down the line. If you cannot afford a haircut just get a shape-up or taper. Your hair should be maintained about every 9-13 days. I mean, I wanna act like these are pro tips but most of them should be common sense. Guys, sometimes we just don’t get it. You don’t gotta be a metrosexual to get it right with the products and the hygiene, b. Yeen gotta start getting your hefty eyebrows sharpened (PLEASE DON’T) or start getting pedicures. Thems is extremes. We’re MEN. We’re simple creatures of habit and commonly many of us have simple oversights with hygiene. Those oversights are costly both socially and for your health though, so listen to ya boy. I be knowing.
and like most things in life, When in doubt, reference Ghostface Killah
Be clean, fresh and healthy bruh.
Hoped this helped. One hunna.
Feel free to ask any questions too.
Whassup?
