i show up to the party in these. everyone loves me

In the jacuzzi?!?!

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

Hi please watch this video of a man getting rekt by a 450hp fan

if I had a 450hp fan, this is exactly the sort of shit I would get up to

Oh my fucking GOD

this is the best thing I have ever seen with my own two eyes.

oh my gosh he’s gently play-biting them like they’re his own babies

@since-the-900s

This lion’s name is Bonedigger and he was born with a crippling bone disease, so the keepers introduced three dachshunds to give him companionship; Abby, Bullet and Milo.

They’re his pride now!

This is the only fucking thing I care about, do you hear me.

My Popsicle had three sticks and a terrifying message.

Unmute !

He leap

that little yelp at the end oh my god

petition to remake all of the twilight movies where everything is the same except that bella is played by john mulaney who has not been given a script and just has to deal with these circumstances as they come.

john: (walks into the classroom)

edward: 

john:

don’t u mean

the holy grail

wrong

im sure i am missing some but we’re getting there

You’re all monsters

even her?

No!!! Of course not!!!! She’s wonderful!

you fool!!

wonder who the culprit is

oh my god..a bread boy 

a crime of passion

@catrightsactivist

he’s free

I watched this so many times just for the expression when he realises the ground is not as close as first thought.

I LOVE THIS SK MUCH hahah

HDASFJHAVSDJH AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I was feeling really upset in my car before and decided to turn on the radio and when I did it was playing FUCKING DESPACITO

That’s so sad universe play despacito

reblog the Don Draper of getting a job he’s unqualified for and you’ll have 10 years of getting jobs you’re unqualified for

YES

No but my dad actually did this at McDonalds in the 70s!

So here’s a true story: my father, sometime in the 70s was looking for his first job. He went to the local McDonalds and told the staff, [manager’s name] said I was supposed to start today. They took his word for it and started training him and by the time the manager saw him and asked who he was, people just said “oh that’s the new guy.”

Somehow this actually worked. My dad worked there for a couple of years as a cook. He even won an award plaque which he had on the wall until the day he died.

Confidence Helps

Me, walking into FBI Headquarters:

“Name’s Burt Macklin, I work here now.”

Why are colds like

One Nostril: I’m cool

Other Nostril: They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums… drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow lurks in the dark. We can not get out… they are coming.