“[Steven] is one of my best friends. I was with him when he proposed to his wife. He’s been on this run with me since before I even started on the show. Losing him as a character and as a guy I get to hang out with every day is a bummer. It’s the last thing in the world I ever wanted to happen. You lose people on this show and you’re like, ‘That’s how the show works,’ but when you lose somebody that close to you, it just sucks. I’m a fan of the show as much as I am an actor on it, and I fall in love with these characters. You see these characters change, and I see people grow as actors, and I see them take chances, and I see them do things that blow my mind. I cry with them. I fight with them. We built this friendship since day one, just like Daryl and Glenn did. I fucking love Steven.” – Norman Reedus

small pieces from zayn’s book

- zayn had an eating disorder toward the end of 2014 and seeing pictures of himself back is hard for him.

- there are no scathing things about perrie or one direction, perrie is barely mentioned and most of the things he says about one direction are fairly generalized and grateful.

- zayn was in a really dark place after he left 1d, he didn’t know what to do with himself and what he wanted to do in his life.

- he has a song called dragonfly that didn’t make the cut of mine of mine but that he will maybe release someday. it has a metal vibe with lots of guitar. 

- he had/has ADHD

- the day of his concert in nyc for the i heart radio theatre was very difficult for him, he was very sick and throwing up before the show out of fear and nerves. it was seeing pictures of fans waiting outside that helped him pull through and realize he could do it.

- the day of the i heart radio music awards zayn was also really nervous and anxious and vomiting before his performance but when he finally overcame it he felt so happy and relieved, he felt he gave a good performance.

- zayn knows he isn’t the best performer and it gets to him a lot, he gets especially anxious that people won’t know who he is and talking to the crowds in between songs. he doesn’t want to be a dick and not interact with people but he gets nervous speaking in front of people (ie: his speech introducing kim jones at louis vuitton he mentions how he was very nervous and how stumbling over the word innovative really fucked him up and he felt upset).

- zayn talks about the day of summertime ball. he was really happy to have his entire family there but as the day went on he started getting more and more anxious and upset. he was afraid people wouldn’t like him, he knew people were there to see other people and didn’t want them to be like oh well who the fuck is this clown? he was paralyzed with fear and his anxiety just consumed him. his team wanted him to put out a statement saying he was sick but he wanted to finally be open about his anxiety and tell the truth.

- he wants to become a better performer and he’s working on his anxiety every day. he’s a perfectionist and he wants people to genuinely believe he’s doing a good job. 

- he avoids social media because people are very cruel and he’s afraid of saying the wrong thing and having his words turned against him. he does spend a lot of time on social media and appreciates all the nice things people say or send him.