~zodiac

freshman advice for the signs! (take all of it though)
  • aries:in doubt when it comes to making friends? join all the sports!
  • taurus:JUST! GO! TO! THE! DANCES! ALL OF THEM! AND THE FOOTBALL GAMES TOO!
  • gemini:who do you think you are???? putting off that essay till the night before???? DONT DO THAT
  • cancer:keep a diary for the duration of your high school career because it will be a joy to look back on
  • leo:it's VERY, VERY okay to ask teachers for help get over yourself and just DO IT
  • virgo:don't do things just so that your college application looks nice and shiny because that isn't the point
  • libra:be yourself :) do you :) value your happiness :)
  • scorpio:your crush won't matter ten years from now
  • sagittarius:have a planner and actually use it
  • capricorn:don't let that stoner in the back of bio copy your notes
  • aquarius:you not solving algebra problems #2-34 on purpose won't change the state of our education system at all so you might as well do it for the easy points
  • pisces:don't listen to the haters and kiss up to the teachers as much as you can because it WILL pay off
list of squads

shy at first, then talkative as hell: leo, taurus, cancer, aries

cries when happy squad: pisces, gemini, libra, aquarius

cares too much about people they shouldn’t squad: scorpio, leo, sagittarius, virgo

too shy to ask for help squad; taurus, capricorn, aquarius, libra

can never say no when people ask for help squad: leo, aries, pisces

secretly kinky squad: gemini, cancer, capricorn

never knows what they want squad: aries, scorpio, leo

needy but doesn’t mean to be squad: libra, virgo, sagittarius, aquarius

"I'm breaking up with you.." "Why?"
  • Aries:You don't excite me anymore.
  • Taurus:You don't show me how much you care.
  • Gemini:I'm feeling tied down and I can't handle it.
  • Cancer:I just don't see a future with you.
  • Leo:You don't pay any attention to me anymore.
  • Virgo:I don't feel appreciated.
  • Libra:I don't find you attractive anymore.
  • Scorpio:We just don't have a strong connection anymore.
  • Sagittarius:I don't feel like myself when I'm around you.
  • Capricorn:You're not taking this seriously.
  • Aquarius:You don't understand or accept me for who I am.
  • Pisces:You didn't love me the way I wanted you to.
The Signs on their Period

Aries: there will be blood; and not that kind of blood

Taurus: the only way you can really tell they’re on their period is when the kitchen cupboards are all empty

Cancer: buy an extra 12-pack of tissues and set it by the bed, it’s for a good cause

Gemini: everybody and their mother is about to get an honest and unwanted reality check and a slap in the face

Leo: the grey cloud they secretly carry around with them becomes visible, they become very pessimistic

Virgo: they are ready for this shit; stand back Mother Nature because the Virgo has 6 Russell Stover chocolate hearts, a box of tissues, and every Audrey Hepburn movie all within reach and ready to go

Libra: “all hail because if a single person disagrees with me in any aspect of my bitching I will kill them”

Scorpio: my Scorpio best friend tried to run me over with her car when she was on her period lets just leave it at that

Sagittarius: “don’t test me or you will be the one crying, not me”

Capricorn: has a girls night planned out for this because they know they will deny anyone that tries anything and this will give them an open invitation to voice all their troubles

Aquarius: no one knows where the aquarius disappears to on their period, it’s a mystery to be solved

Pisces: they are the sweetest, kindest creatures until this time of the month hits and then literally anything could be thrown your way; knives, words you never thought you’d hear, a shotgun shell, I mean who knows.

Fun Fact: a drop in estrogen is the reason behind you’re period so if a guy ever asks you if you’re on your period because you’re acting like a female; he’s actually making no sense because you are acting less like a female.

The Signs in a heat wave
  • Aries:"OH MY GOD, I'M SWEATING OUT OF MY EYES" is actually crying but is in denial
  • Taurus:"I came here just to relax at the beach and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now"
  • Gemini:tries to fix the air conditioner, breaks it even more "WELP"
  • Cancer:sits in front of a huge fan and talks into it to hear their voice sound all fuzzy "Yeee"
  • Leo:"Let's be honest, I brought the heat wave 'cause I'm so hot haha" is sweating
  • Virgo:sprawls out on the floor crying
  • Libra:"MY SWEAT IS RUINING MY MAKEUP, THIS IS BULLSHIT"
  • Scorpio:"Are we in hell now or something"
  • Sagittarius:Walks around the house naked to help try and cool themselves down
  • Capricorn:dunks their head in ice water every ten minutes
  • Aquarius:drinks 10 bottles of water "I'M STILL BURNING UP WHY"
  • Pisces:puts up a pool outside and swims in the cold water for 896 hours
Signs as lyrics from Panic! At the Disco songs

Aries: “So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?” (lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off)

Taurus: “This is gospel for the fallen ones. Locked away in permanent slumber. Assembling their philosophies from pieces of broken memories” (this is gospel)

Gemini: “It’s better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality” (I write sins not tragedies)

Cancer: “I taste you on my lips and I can’t get rid of you” (nicotine)

Leo: “Give me a sign. I wanna believe.” (the ballad of mona lisa)

Virgo: “My life started the day I got caught under the covers with second hand lovers” (hallelujah)

Libra: “Back to the street, down to our feet. Losing the feeling, the feeling unique. Do you know what I mean?” (nine in the afternoon)

Scorpio: “The rooms have a hint of asbestos and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde” (build god then we’ll talk)

Sagittarius: “Cause these words are knives and often leave scars.” (this is gospel)

Capricorn: “Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses. It’s sleeping with roaches and taking best guesses. At the shade of the sheets and before all the stains. And a few more of your least favorite things.” (build god then we’ll talk)

Aquarius: “Into a place where thoughts can bloom. Into a room where it’s nine in the afternoon.” (nine in the afternoon)

Pisces: “Praying for love and paying in naivety” (but it’s better if you do)

Signs in a Bad Mood
  • Aries:self-centered, impulsive, bossy, reckless
  • Taurus:over-indulgent, stubborn, lazy
  • Gemini:restless, distracted, judgemental
  • Cancer:isolated, hypersensitive, competitive
  • Leo:aggressive, melodramatic, arrogant, distant
  • Virgo:self-pity, critical, preachy
  • Libra:vain, indecisive, manipulative
  • Scorpio:obsessive, possessive, secretive, jealous
  • Sagittarius:argumentative, reckless, flaky
  • Capricorn:pessimistic, unforgiving, cold
  • Aquarius:guarded, detached, self-destructive, irrational
  • Pisces:clingy, whiny, self-pity, self-destructive
  • (check moon sign as well)