Right now I’m just focusing on portion control and trying to feed my body enough without binging. While at TK I was on the ‘ED precaution’ meal plan, which was basically tiny amounts of food 5-6 times a day. It seemed very little but I knew it was important not to rush my body. My meals had a nice balance of carbs, fats, and proteins and all from nutritious sources (like natural peanut butter, fruits, whole wheat breads, beans) I’ll probably see a dietician and see what we can do about a meal plan because I found that I really enjoyed the structure of having my meals planned out for me.
I lasted about a week at TK. It was a very…different experience. I took away some things from it, and overall I feel like I’ve made some progress. I’m not going to say that it was a mistake going to an RTC, but I wish I’d maybe prepared myself more for something of that extremity. I’m pretty numb and neutral right now. I don’t really know what to feel but I still know that I’m not going to be able to recover on my own.
Tori opened her eyes. She felt her head racing and spinning. The lights in the room were too damn bright. She slowly moved up in the bed to see her surroundings. It looked a lot like the hospital on the ship. Tori didn’t know how she survived. That was until she noticed Theo sleeping in the chair across from her bed. “Hey.” She said quietly seeing if he was awake.
/ / L O S I N G Y O U - Steve x Reader (part one of two -MAYBE-)
There might be a part two to this, this is kind of just a Drabble for what I’m planning for Steve in the future I guess. If you want a part two comment or some shit idk ;)) This is pretty short so iTS NOT VERY GOOD IM JUST TRYING TK SHAKE OFF MY WRITERS BLOCK.
The absence of covering was the first thought that slipped into your mind as you awoke. The mattress was missing something, somebody.
An incoherent grunt escaped your dry lips as you lifted your body up, swinging your feet over the side of the mattress. The pads of your feet touched the cool hardwood of your floor, triggering chills to rush down your back.
It was still late, that you could tell almost immediately. So where was Steve?
Brushing stray hairs away from your eyes, you let out a breath of frustration, feeling the tension in your muscles begin to slowly release with every step you took.
The door to your room’s balcony was ajar, signaling to you that somebody had recently opened it. As your feet carried you, you contemplated wether or not Steve would be there. Why should you get your hopes up? He was never there when you woke.
An almost inaudible sigh was heard before you pressed your palm against the door, and you swallowed, gently pushing the door enough so that it would create space for you to step out.
There he stood, leaning against the side of the railing, his head drooping in an almost tired state, his fingers digging into the skin of his cracked palms.
“Steve?” Your voice carried to his ears, his posture quickly straightening. He didn’t bother to turn around, he didn’t want to witness the disappointment that was written all over your face, the disappointment that he himself caused.
Letting out a defeated sigh, you turned around, letting your eyes watch the city lights illuminate the deep blue sky, the darkest shade that it could become.
Steve wasn’t the same man that swept you off your feet, the same man that built your weaknesses into your strengths. It was almost as if he’d became a hollow shell of the person he used to be.
He’d avoid contact with you unless it was completely necessary, distancing himself from you during work, and avoiding your hardened states.
It was as if he didn’t care anymore.
“I think I’m losing you, Steve.”
With that, you slowly trudged to your bathroom, staring at your reflection in the mirror. Dark circles began to form underneath your eyes, your eyebrows furrowed in utter frustration.
Steve didn’t dare reply as you walked off, but when he heard the click of the bathroom door, he got out of there as quickly as he could.
Steve wasn’t acting normal, he knew that. He just didn’t know why. It was unknown to him why he’d suddenly began to ignore you.
Because he’d just end up crawling back to you during the night.
His actions had no reasoning, no purpose.
He still loved you, but he didn’t know if he was the best for you. The way you unhealthily worried about his wellbeing, how you’d take a hit for him without thinking it through, even though he was stronger than you in every way.
You weren’t enhanced. There was nothing extra-special to you, you were a human, with a specific skill set that got the job done.
And he’d loved it anyways.
You spent the majority of the day walking around, inhaling the cool, crisp autumn air that brushed against your skin in harsh waves.
Your eyes and lips stung, your ears ringing from the unstoppable thoughts that taunted you every time you tried to avert your mind to a different matter.
All you could think about was his distant stare, the way his hands hovered over your bruised and battered body during the nights, how his warmth made you feel normal again.
You weren’t anything glorious, you weren’t the smartest or strongest person on the team, but you’d mattered, you made a difference.
But his absence made you feel worthless. How could you appreciate yourself if the man that taught you everything you knew didn’t?
You pushed your fists deeper into your coat’s pocket, looking up at the sky, mixed with several shades of pinks and blues. The image was imprinted into your mind, the scenery that reminded you of the first time you met Steve. The sky’s were exactly the same, symbolizing what seemed to you as a beginning, and an end.
You didn’t want to think that way, and you usually didn’t. But with the events that lead up to this moment, God, you couldn’t help it.
Your thoughts were interrupted when your cellphone vibrated against the skin of your hand. Without hesitation, you pulled it out.
Frowning, you slipped your device back into your pocket, letting the cool material leave an indent in your skin.
“I don’t need to care about you if you don’t care about me.”