~rt

trauma is such a weird thing because, like, if you’re lucky, most of the time you can put a lid on it and sit on the lid and exist more or less peacefully, but it’s still there, under you, kind of like a clog or a knot in your throat and you’re ok, but it’s there. what is it like to exist without a lid you’re constantly sitting on? and then something random will happen like seeing that one car model or a particular storyline on tv and there it is, you’re reminded that it’s there, it exists, hello there it’s flashback time, and then it passes, and you put the lid on it back again, and it seems like it might be a constant lifetime battle of ignoring this thing in your head threatening to spill over while simultaneously trying to stomp it down so it doesn’t happen again for a while, while also trying to ignore it to more less a degree of success