~prestige

Masked Affairs

“My dearest Azriah,

I hope this letter finds you well rested after your expedition to the Broken Isles. From what I have gathered you’ve begun the process of returning to your office within the Dawnspire. No doubt you have already heard what my nephew wishes to plan and we have already begun negotiations of financing. I will spare you the details, but home and prestige have remained intact and the young Archon is free to conduct warfare as he chooses.

Though our last meeting has been months apart, I will attempt my best to give you an update of what has kept me so preoccupied. The first snows have begun to set within the Emberlight and Lady Idrya has seen to the closure of the Blacksun Gate. The eastern villages of Heartsong and Leabel have both begun to empty as they do each year and the populations hide away into the mountainous Blacksun Citadel until first thaw. I do wish that one year you will permit Aeriana to winter here in the Netherholde, she will not find a more majestic view in all of Quel’Thalas than looking over the Whispwinter Mountains.

Some politicking has kept me busy as of late. I was given the privilege, if one could call it such, to attend a masked affair last weekend in City. I believe I told you of the ball some weeks back and your silence on the subject of our ball only makes me suppose your curiosity is too great for words. I did not wish you to feel the need to attend so I made adequate excuses for your absence, speaking praises on your zeal and love for country. There was one Lady Swallowsong, who dared to treat me some newly mourning widow, whose wife’s departure from his life in society might as well been the signal for an opportunity to win the graces of the Emberlight, or my fortune. She was pretty enough, blessed in both amiable assets but obviously the victim of poor tutelage at a young age. I took pity on her for there is no honor in disliking someone whose brain is so different than your own. Luckily enough the party was well attended and my arm was freed from her clutch.

You know how I adore masked affairs, there is some much allure and mystery, and while others choose to believe their mask might hide who they are, my agents worked tirelessly for me to memorize attires, colors, and voices, even those who wished to dye their hair to give secrecy at who they are behind the mask. Oh my love, we would have shared such a banter of whispers and I could have felt your hunting gaze even from afar.

Lord Flamewood attempted to lecture me the importance of my duty in the House of Nobles, but I reminded him that the woman of which he has carried on a torrid affair was being necked by some besaron from Quel’Danas. He gave me a huff and carried himself away, swearing the whip the both of them.  

There was another Lady Sol’thoel, who by all accounts is a woman deserving of praise, who drank too much and danced to freely. Her husband, some fifth son who inherited after the fall, was nothing to note, despite his unfortunate voice and even worse ability to carry a conversation. One could tell that it was not he who would free his lady wife from her bodice later that eve.

In the gardens, outside those lovers who thought to slip away from the dance unnoticed were interrupted by two gallant errants eager to win their renown by a display of swordsmanship. If I would not have sworn to be on my best behavior, perhaps I would have given them a show that you would have heard about prior to my letter, but I was content to drink my wine and critique their form. Some bravo from the Evergrove wished to outstrip a city knight of his honor and the two quarreled for the better part of an hour before the guardsmen pulled them away. No doubt their great strut of feathers had earned someone’s affection to lick their wounds.

I did my fair share of dancing, eager to remind my world that I both adept with my footwork as I am with my pen. My partners were gracious enough, if not too eager for the embrace and to slow to transition from my arms. Towards the end, I met with an agent of mine who I had come to see in the first place. There is a treatise about that I need to discuss with you for great length and am in need of your skills in a particular area that I dread to say outstrips my own. A quarter till two I summoned my carriage to depart alone, to the woe of many.

I am reminded at last of how cold the mountains here are in the winter. Even behind stone walls and paned glass, there is a chill in the emptiness of my bed. I know your Archon will soon declare war, but I believe you have a free night to spare before you are spirited away once again to those forsaken isles in the sea. Should you come, I believe you will find yourself well delighted.

Always yours,

Izulde”

@azriah

ya-lady-tauriel reblogged your post:I just love how minimalistic Percival’s office is….

He probably has a back office where he sleeps Tbh though I was thinking it would be really film noir and dark so

he has a secret room with a couch on which he sleeps sometimes. like, is MACUSA going through a financial crisis? I mean, are they not supposed to show their prestige through architecture and their high-ranking offcials’ offices?

although i rather think it’s percival’s doing. picquery must annoy him often about redecorating his office in a more grand manner.

Why

One of the things I really hate about myself is how I get jealous of people’s successes and how better they are than me, whether they attain the same position as me in an organization, a similar position, or higher position, especially if they are younger than me.  Just the thought of it gives me unreasonable anxiety for some reason. AHHHH I HATE IT SO MUCH!!! It’s been something that has been bothering me ever since I was in middle school, a hella looong time. Like, when I see someone in fb being val or sal, or getting an award for something that I’ve also gotten before, or if people get accepted to my college or one of higher prestige, it just makes me so anxious for some reason, idk whyyyy??? It would try to avoid going on social media sometimes to stop myself from this presupposed anxiety.  Even if it hasn’t even happened yet, my mind for some reason just keeps holding those thoughts in my brain, like why?! Why can’t I genuinely be happy for people’s successes? Why can’t I be happy for people who have the potential to do great things, to be great? 

That’s why I always feel like I’m being fake whenever I hear good news about them from other people or from them themselves. I have this fake, happy smile and give them my fake congratulations, giving them two thumbs up. I mean, part of me is actually happy for them, but I feel that most of me is just envious that they’re better than me and makes me feel like I’m worthless compared to them because it’s like someone else was able to do something that I put great importance in, but since someone else was able to get it, then I’m no better. It meant nothing after all.  

Even when it comes to friendships, the friendships that I put so much effort in strengthening just goes to waste whenever I feel that the new people that show up in my life take away my friends, ruin these once thought everlasting friendships. Even friendships that I thought would develop further just stop because people show up that just become so much more interesting to my friends that they just push me aside to replace me with this so much better person. So, there was no potential between us in the first place then?… I end up feeling all alone, forgotten, because these new people are so much more interesting than me, so much more better than me. Then why did I even spend so much time and effort into these stupid relationships that were not even going to happen or last????!!! AHH, it’s like everlasting friendships and relationships were never meant for me! I’ll never have that one person who I can just talk to whenever and never feel like I’m bothering them. Will I ever have that one person who will be genuinely happy whenever they get a text or message from me? Will I ever have that feeling that I’ve been genuinely missed by someone?…

Whenever I tell people about these thoughts, I feel that they think that these are things that I can just get over with, but no, they keep coming back. I mean, these thoughts have been coming back over an over for the past almost nine years. NINE YEARS!! Omg, I feel that this really may be a problem. I thought that going into college I would be more open with different people, different ideas, and hopefully rid these thoughts forever. But no. They keep coming back, especially now in my second year, with a wave of new, younger people, who have so much more potential than me, the potential to do better things than me, to take away the people and things that make me genuinely happy.

But the weird thing is, if I’m not interested in what they’re doing, or I have already convinced myself that I can’t do or have the things they do or have, then I don’t feel as jealous, envious, anxious. That goes with science, art, history, and other subjects-that-I-don’t-like majors because I absolutely hate them! So, better to have them pursue those careers to benefit society.

I honestly don’t know why my mind works this way, to just disregard the exceptions stated in the last paragraph, but just work myself up for everything else. Why can’t I just be that way for everything? Why can’t my mind just be accepting of everything, just like I thought that I was already working towards? Because after all, if I were in their shoes and knew that someone felt this way about me, I too would feel hated and offended. Like, why would someone wish for my failures? Why can’t I just live my life happily? Why can’t I be happy? 

Maybe it’s because I always feel like there’s something missing, like I’m never content with myself. But then again, I don’t really think about those things, that there’s something missing because I’m too lazy anyways to pursue those things anyway, so there’s no point, like these thoughts.

I feel that I just make situations more complicated because honestly, I actually do crave for attention, for people’s attention. I always want them to be with me, forever (haha even I know that’s impossible). I’m so selfish. That’s why I don’t want people to be like me or better.

Why do these thoughts even exist anyway then? Why do these thoughts just keep coming back to me all the time?…

I was never worth anyone’s time or attention any ways. I’m just a wasted space. But, why do I still feel like I have a purpose, that I don’t want to leave? Even though I always feel lonely in the end, that nobody ever really wanted me for me in the first place. Were people just using me? Do I have a purpose? Then why do I still feel unfulfilled, unwanted?

The new upd8 was hella nice, but this slide in particular bothered me a lot when I stopped to think about it

Like, we always knew that people in doomed timelines went to the dreambubbles, right? But these ones are not doomed selves, these are versions of characters who didn’t die in that moment: that John is the one who ascended, those Rose and Roxy were the one who revived when their dreamself were kissed, and so on. 

This means that these people died even though an exact “clone” of them, of their personality and memories until that point, lived on somewhere else - the John that was stabbed on his questbed didn’t survive through ascension, he died and a copy of him went on.

This is some creepy The Prestige level shit, these people got robbed of their existence and their copies are not even aware of it

Daaaaaaaaaamn