~no bragging rights

Behold the future is female and belongs to Matilda Jones. This seven-year-old girl found a sword in Dozmary Pool where the legendary King Arthur lost his sword Excalibur during the Battle of Camlann.

While many have stated that this is merely a film prop, however, the father stated that the sword is “exactly Matilda’s height.” So maybe the rightful prop weapon has found its true owner.

This girl deserves some bragging rights.

I know that Overwatch did their best to erase Gabriel from the public narrative of Overwatch because of his job in Blackwatch, but I know in my heart of hearts that if one of their own was at all responsible for ending the robot apocalypse, the city of Los Angeles would never shut up about it.

There would be murals of him painted EVERYWHERE in the city: Next to Caesar Chavez, with Tupac and Kendrick Lamar lyrics underneath, highly stylized cartoon graffiti, ironic pop art. Everywhere.

Several someones are in a coffee shop writing the screen play to a movie about him or as a cameo in their Omnic Crisis action comedy.

The Latinx community in the city would be so proud and would never let anyone forget that the reason you’re not dead is because of one of them.

LA rappers dropping his name in rhymes when identifying themselves as proud LA natives. Rude cover band names like “The Gabriel Reyes Sex Machines”.

Gallery exhibits dedicated entirely to him.

Morning talk radio unapologetically shading the hell out of Jack Morrison because of their relentless staning for their native son.

Children dressing up like him for their school presentations, leading to an entire generation of college students leaving home and saying “how have you never heard of Gabriel Reyes??”

Every single Reyes in the City having to qualify that they’re not related to him or lie that they are. Except Gabe’s  actual entire extended family that come out of the woodwork and have bragging rights for.ev.er.

I’m so tired of how this generation dates and goes about dating people. I don’t want to be taken out for a drink, kissed, promised another meet up and not talked to for a fucking week. I want romantic gestures, kind and thoughtful gestures. I want to be looked at like I’m worth every second of their time, not a fucking score or bragging rights. I don’t want an obligatory kiss at the end of the date, I want it to be a special moment that we both look forward to and spend every minute dreaming about and waiting for. I want romantic dammit, I want meeting someone to be like something out of a movie, and I’ve always told myself that life doesn’t happen like that, but I will wait 5 goddamn years if I have to, to be treated how I fucking deserve

What just might happen at the Andrews House

*Fred Andrews opens the door and sees Veronica *

Fred: Hi?

Veronica: A man tried to commit suicide because my father stole his money. I need to vent.

Fred: You can to your mo-

Veronica: I know that you’re pissed off with my parents and broke up with Mom.

Fred: Hon-

Veronica: Please, I need an adult and you’re like the only good one.

Fred: C'mon in.

*Veronica walks*

*Someone knocks on the door and Fred opens the door to see Betty*

Betty: Mom kicked Dad after finding out that he tried to make Polly have an abortion and they’re not even saying the word.

Fred: Need to talk to Jughead?

Betty: He’s busy with our sleuthing and his dad, so maybe I can talk to you?

*Fred let’s Betty in*

*Then there’s another knocking on the door; it’s Cheryl*

Cheryl: MY PARENTS ARE EVIL!

*she just marches inside and cries*

*then Kevin is at the door*

Fred: Okay, your dad is actually a good parent!

Kevin: Yeah, but I’ve been making out with a Snakes member and really do not want Dad to find out.

here are a bunch of AMAZING fics I’ve enjoyed and loved reading throughout the month of august. I recommend that you read these great fics in september, if you haven’t already!! also check out the HL Summer Fic Exchange!

(all fics with a star are my favorites and if there are two stars then it was a favorite favorite)


1. How Far We’ve Come 32k

“This is Harry Styles,” Chiron offers.

He’s beautiful. His eyes are a stunning green, the color of new foliage. The new kid’s limbs are long and lanky—he looks extremely uncomfortable and uncoordinated. Louis internally smirks to himself, guessing the kid probably won’t be too skilled with a sword, or a bow, or anything sharp, most likely. His hair falls to his shoulders in sets of loose, brown curls. The color is rich and luscious, resembling soil so much that it looks like flowers could sprout from his hairline at any moment. But Louis’ eyes are stuck on his soft looking lips, pink as flower petals and slightly parted as his eyes scan the horizon of the camp.

“Welcome to Camp Half-Blood, Harry.”

2. It’ll All Come Up Roses 4k *

Louis was leaning against the railing of the bridge, looking down at the water completely lost in thought when he heard someone approach the bridge from the side that he came from. Glancing up, he noticed Harry walking towards him, hands stuffed deep in his pockets, and seemingly lost in thought. Louis shifted his weight onto his other foot and stood up properly, watching quietly as Harry walked past him. Louis opened his mouth. He wanted to say something to Harry to break the silence, or at least to get him to notice him standing there against the bridge railing - but the words got stuck in Louis’ throat, and he snapped his mouth shut, going back to staring down at the water mindlessly instead. All the while, trying hopelessly to figure out what the fuck he’s doing with his life. Harry kept walking, and soon Louis was once again left alone to his thoughts.

Or the one where Louis really doesn’t hate his neighbor who keeps waking him up at the crack of dawn. Ft magic, Liam, Niall, and Zayn barely being mentioned, Harry and his fucking motorcycle, a date and a kiss.

3. Freeze This Moment in a Frame and Stay Like This 5k

Harry (not so) secretly crushes on the cute footie player and fills pages with sketches of him.

Keep reading

The guys talking about conquests
  • Theo: Well I've had Daphne, Pansy, and both patil twins just this week
  • Blaise: how droll, I've had a different girl each night, sometimes multiple the same day
  • Draco: I've managed to keep Ganger for a whole year
  • Theo & Blaise: well.....
  • Draco: Sometimes its quality over quantity
What Did You Just Call Me? (Bucky X Reader)

Originally posted by totheendofthelinepal

MASTER LIST

PAIRING: Bucky Barnes X Reader
Warnings: Cursing, Violence & PDA
WORD COUNT: 2,712 
SUMMARY: The Avengers come back from a quick mission that ended well for everyone but Y/N. During the whole mission, Bucky babies Y/N since she’s new to the team. When they come back to headquarters she picks a fight with him leading to an actual fight. 


“I can’t believe you.”

“What I do now, Dollface?”

“Don’t doll face me!” Y/N storms out of the elevator with the rest of the Avengers following behind her, “You practically told me to wait in the car like I’m some five-year-old!”

“Well, if you didn’t act like a child then I wouldn’t treat you like one.”

Y/N’s eyes go wide by Bucky Barnes’s statement, somehow he’s able to make her even more pissed than she already is. The two heroes walk side by side further into the Avenger’s headquarter as they bark at one another. People around them notice steam coming out of Y/N’s ears and Bucky’s deadly gaze with the rest of the Avenger gang following behind them awkwardly quiet. Just that display makes everyone near the group go the opposite way. Y/N stops walking and points at her friend with a metal arm while growling in disbelief.

“Excuse me?! Bucky, you’re not my Dad-”

“Woah, save the kinky talk for the bed.”

Tony Starks blurts out making the two fighting look at him like they’re about to attack. James Rhodes sends his best friend a knowing look before shrugging and continuing to walk beside him. Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton are walking behind Tony and James with bored expressions as if they been through this argument with each other before. Wanda Maximoff and Vision walk beside the assassins like they wanted nothing but leave the scene in front of them. Sam Wilson then sends Steve Rogers a glance silently telling him that maybe they should intervene but Steve just watches them like this is a casual conversation. Bruce Banner, Thor Odinson, and Peter Parker are the last ones to leave the elevator. All three look innocently confused on what is going on here. The whole team is decked out in their now dirty suits and used weapons. Sending Tony an irritated glance Y/N snaps with venom.

“Tony. For the last time, we’re just friends!”

“Could have fooled me.” He mumbles to himself making Y/N face go red causing him to raise his hands up in defeat and adding, “Sorry, my bad.”

“Sure you are.”

Y/N rolls her eye knowing he’ll make another joke about them in a minute. He’s been making comments like that ever since she joined the Avengers and grew a friendship with Bucky. She knows the group secretly thinks something is going on between the two them. That’s more because Bucky doesn’t make friends, Steve was the only person who qualified as a friend to Bucky before Y/N got into the picture. When Y/N joined she hit it off with everyone, more with the Winter Soldier than with anyone else though. It was a problem in the beginning since the group treated her like they had to keep her safe at all times but after a few weeks, everyone realized she didn’t need protection. Well, everyone realized that besides Bucky. Which is why they are at each other’s throats right now because during the whole mission the team was on only moments ago Bucky had treated her like another civilian. Chucking her gun carelessly on a couch near by Y/N shouts at Bucky without looking at him.

“I’m going to say this one last time, Bucky Barnes. I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

“Why are you mad at me?” He looks around the building confused before saying with some serious guts, “It’s not my fault you’re fragile.”

“Oh shit.”

“God… Bucky… No.”

“Are you trying to get your ass kicked?”

“What did you just call me?”

Y/N shouts before flipping over a table and turning to face him with an unreadable expression, she’s never looked more deadly than right now. To be honest, no one besides Bucky really knows Y/N, she’s only been an Avenger for a few months now and she spends most her time with him. Nevertheless, it’s no secret that Y/N gets mad a lot, a least once a day she’s pissed about something. Yesterday it was because of her coffee split, today it’s because Bucky called her fragile but this was a different kind of mad that none of them have ever seen. It was close to when Bruce gets scary kind of mad and turns into Hulk. So out of a force of habit, the whole team stills and watches them with their weapons at the ready. The whole room is now empty of normal people, good thing too because at this moment Bucky and Y/N are wild cards.

“You’re calling ME fragile?!” Y/N snap as she shoves Bucky before pointing at Peter, “We have a fucking 12-year-old on the team and you’re calling me FRAGILE!”

“Hey…”

“Shut up.”

“He has powers, Doll. You don’t.” Bucky announces annoyed as he pushes his longish dark hair out of his face, “He’s been on the team longer than you too. All I’m saying is he has more experience-”

“WHAT!”

Y/N blurts out in such a deep and powerful tone that Thor looks at her in alarm while slightly raising his hammer. In anger, she then takes a handful of small knives and chuckles them harshly near Bucky. They all hit the white wall behind him, he doesn’t flinch and he doesn’t gain a scratch by her action either. He looks at her bored only making her impossibly more furious. Since she was born she was trained to survive anything and to do anything. Her whole life was about surviving any situation. She never got a day off her whole life until last year when Nick found her and gave her an offer to be a part of the Avengers. Storming toward him with her fist clenched she’s about to throw a punch when he grabs her wrist. When she tries to use her free hand he grabs that one too before she can do any damage to him. He spins her slickly around so her entire back is against his built chest. Lowering his head so his lips are right beside her ear when he whispers in a commanding tone.

“Stop being a drama queen and-”

Not letting him finish Y/N flips him over causing him to fall in front of her onto his back, everyone hears the sound of his back hitting the marble floor. He lays there for a second looking at her for a moment as if he underestimated her strength. With that thought he shakes his head knowing a little girl like her couldn’t be stronger than he’d expect, she’s rather short. The top of her head reaches his shoulder. Not only that but that means she’s been going easy with him in their workouts. They work out every morning and he’s never seen her throw something as heavy as him over her shoulder. Jumping up he turns around back to her with an easy going smile, she has her hip popped out and arms folded. Thor leans near Bruce and whispers into the silence with complete shock.

“I wasn’t informed that Y/N was the Queen of drama.”

“Not now, Thor.”

“Okay, okay, you had your fun.” Bucky sighs tiredly as he struts up to Y/N with a smug look, “You made a scene, flipped me over, so let’s just forget this whole little outburst and grab a beer. Dollface.”

“Don’t. Call. Me. Dollface.” Y/N threatens slowly before tilting her head knowingly and whispering, “HYDRA project.”

Bucky’s posture stiffen, he clenches his fists, his face is unreadable. Everyone in the room has a silent heart attack from Y/N’s cheap shot but he was just a moment ago doing the same thing. Bucky and Y/N face each other with the same dangerous expression. The two have fought plenty of times, usually to let off steam or for bragging rights but this was different. They were actually talking instead of just straight up punching. Their friends honestly didn’t know what to do, they were adults, they’re mature enough to resolve this themselves. Then again they both were mentally and physically messed up. Abruptly Bucky throws all his guns away from his person. A sly smile slips onto Y/N’s face at the gesture, she had just as much power over him as he did over her. Getting into her personal space Bucky tilts his head and whispers.

“You’re such a child.”

“Well, you’re such a cocky prick.”

Her words make him growl lowly while moving closers to her, she takes a few steps back but he takes more forwards. They play this game until Y/N’s back is to the wall and she can’t move. Bucky gazes looks hungry making Y/N question why she picked a fight with him. She always had to pick on with him, she fought with everyone in the Avenger but he was the only one to fight back. Maybe that’s why they were such close friends, she’ll tell him to fuck off and he would break into her room to figure out what’s wrong. She’ll tell him of course and he would do everything to fix it, even if he didn’t fix the problem she would feel 100 times better just by knowing her tried. This is different though, he’s not trying to fix it, it’s almost like he’s egging it on and Y/N’s prideful ass is taking the bait. Tilting his head to the side Bucky rests his hand on either side of Y/N’s head before saying with a smug look.

“At least I don’t pretend I’m not delicate.”

“That’s it!”

“You get Bucky, I’ll get Y/N.”

Tony speaks up instantly to Steve knowing Y/N is thinking irrationally right now. Just as Y/N shoves Bucky away and grabs a vase the guys go over to them in hopes to keep each other from killing one another. She throws the glass vase at Bucky causing him and Steve to duck, it hits the floor near their feet and it breaks into tiny pieces. Tony then grabs her by the arms just for her to flip him over like she did with Bucky earlier. He falls to the floor and she walks over him like he wasn’t even there. A coffee table is in Y/N’s way to Bucky so she easily kicks it out of her way to Bucky. The table slides unknowingly at the Avengers watching them. Some of the moves away and jump over it, Thor uses his hammer to break it and makes it impossible for the broken pieces not to hit his friends around him. Steve who’s pulling Bucky back sees the damage and says for the first time since he’s been frozen.

“Shit.”

Bucky hides a chuckle at the scene in front of him just before Y/N gets to him and punched him in the jaw. His expression goes from shock to mad within a second before pouncing on her. She moves and sweeps his legs before he can tackle her to the ground. He falls and she grabs a glass pot near a couch, she throws it at his laying form. He moves out of the way just a second before it hits the ground and breaks into a million shards. He groans in disbelief because he knows she was really aiming to hit him that time, jumping up he grabs the couch and slides it into her. She falls before she can throw a decorative plant at him. Letting out a heavy breath Buck realizes she’s more pissed than he realized and suddenly asks seriously.

“Are you seriously mad at me calling you delicate?”

“No, Bucky. I’m not mad, I’m just throwing shit for fun.” She growls as she jumps over the couch to get to him, “Of course I’m fucking mad! You’re like my best friend and you treat me like a burden!”

“Doll, you aren’t a burden-”

“Don’t call me that! And don’t you dare lie to me.” She spits out as she shoves him, well, he lets her shove him into the wall behind him, “Ever since I’ve joined you made it your job to baby me and I’ve had it!”

“I baby you because I don’t want you to get hurt!” He spins them around so he has her pinned to the wall as he explains in frustration, “I have not once seen you as some kind of burden to me or to the team.”

“Bullshit! Just admit it!” She barks as she tries to get out of his grasp, “You baby me because you see me as a problem.”

“Dollface… You have it all backward.”

Bucky whispers tiredly as he keeps his hold on Y/N so she won’t punch him. Steve helps Tony stand up behind the two by the wall. They glance at their other friends to make sure they are okay before looking cautiously at Buck and Y/N. Never have has any of them seen the two fight like this, they were always teasing each other or play fighting but never this. The team thought the two were too close to fight this badly. There has to be a more serious reason Y/N’s mad at Bucky, she usually is just annoyed when Bucky is overprotective of her. Maybe she doesn’t see it as being overprotective, maybe she sees Bucky trying to limiting her. That honestly wouldn’t surprise the team, they could tell Bucky likes being in charge of Y/N. Before the team can think any more of this irrational argument they hear Bucky mumble to Y/N so softly that could barely hear it.

“I try to protect you because I couldn’t handle you getting hurt.”

“Well, why don’t you baby Steve!” She fires back not exactly realizing what he meant, “I know you hate when he gets hurt but every time we’re out you-”

“Doll, you’re an exception.”

“It’s because I’m a girl, right? Let me tell you, you sexist-”

“No! For the love of God…”

He groans annoyed before throwing all caution out the window and slamming his lips to hers. She moans in surprise and her eyes go wide just as big as their friends. His hands loosen around her wrist letting her pull loose. Grabbing his shirt in the front aggressively she pulls him closer and shuts her eyes. He sighs in relief before leaning his body on her’s against the wall. One of Bucky’s hands goes to the small of her back to push her bottom half flush on his, this other weaves through her hair. She groans as she wraps her arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer to her. Bucky begins pulling away from her causing her to follow him needingly. Chuckling Bucky gives her one last kiss before officially pulling away to look down at her. Biting her lip Y/N says breathlessly with the color pink coming to her cheeks.

“Oh… That’s why.”

“Yeah. That’s why, doll face.”

 “Well, well, well…” Their little bubble pops when they hear Tony say in a shit eating grin, “What I’d tell Y'all.”

Steve who’s standing right beside the millionaire playboy sends him an unamused look before punching him in the arm. He then turns to Bucky and gives him an easy wink making him look down to his feet before looking at the woman in his arms. Y/N opens her mouth to say something before the only kid in the room blurts out curiously.

“So who’s cleaning this mess up?”

Bucky and Y/N finally look away from each other, the team does the same and looks around. Everyone in the room realizes then it’s a bigger mess than they would have assumed. The coffee table, vase, and fake plant are broken into hundreds of pieces across the room. A couch and table are flipped over and in a weird position and a hand full of knives are in the wall along with a bunch of weapons scattered on the floor. Awkwardly Bucky and Y/N look back at each other, their little fight might have gotten too out of hand. Bursting out loud laughing the two look at each other like they should have expected this much from one another.

I am going to submit a random headcanon to you:  

Stiles dragging the pack to play Laser Tag.

Stiles that played once, when he was twelve. He asked it as his birthday present, and John and Melissa drove them to the nearest place from Beacon Hills. Stiles was absolutely delighted, until they learned that they would be put with strangers to form a team. It all went downhill from there. 

They were left alone to be shot at fifteen seconds in, and had to hide under a ramp. Scott had an asthma attack when the fog machines started and Stiles, terrified, had to drag both of them out. He then fell into a full blown panic attack in the changing rooms.

So, not their best memory.

But fast forward seven years later. They are nineteen now, Scott is a werewolf and Stiles has been tortured and shot at. Laser tag is gonna be easy. Stiles is so ready to avenge their younger selves.

He only need a team.

Stiles prudently presents the idea during pack night. He’s not worried for most of them, he knows that most of his friends have an unhealthy love for violence and winning. He’s also ready to make Scott cry in order to convince Isaac.


The only unknown variable is their taciturn alpha. Somehow, convincing him to play with lasers in a room reeking of teenager’s hormones and sweat seems like a difficult task. But Stiles has prepared his speech, he has perfectly reasonable arguments, and he will bullshit about pack unity and trust exercises if need be.

Of course, because this is Derek and he likes to fuck up with Stiles’ expectations, he’s only finished the first sentence of his passionate plea when Derek raises one hand in the air to stop him.

Yes,” he breathes, and smiles. They all blink at him a little. Derek keeps smiling, bunny teeth showing and looking almost… excited.

So.

Derek’s family apparently used to throw their kids into the woods to pitch them against each other for fun.

Stiles is not surprised.

Stiles is awfully not surprised.

This was the family whose genes created Peter Hale.

Not noticing their stunned silence, Derek describes his childhood memories. During their monthly run under the full moon, adults used to hide colored pieces of tissue everywhere. The next day, Derek, his sisters and cousins were all let loose, in several teams, into the wood. At dusk, the team that was able to bring back the more targets to their home base while protecting said home base from enemy raids won. The prize was some old trophy, bragging rights and first crack at every dish during the huge dinner.

Derek is trying so hard to communicate his enthusiasm for his claws-and-fangs-allowed, hunger-game version of catch the flag that his hands are moving a little bit in the air. It’s adorable.

When Scott tries to get back on the subject of laser tag (Stiles glares at him, because Derek was sharing things), Derek immediately nods and explains helpfully that there is a place supernatural-friendly just 45 minutes away from Beacon Hills. There is no protest in the pack. Stiles bats the air with his fist in victory.

Their first game together teaches Stiles a lot of things.

Keep reading

“Probably. Though this mortal mind did manage to solve Amarantha’s riddle—and destroy her.”

Feyre…Child…Pls…This is not something to boast about. I sussed out that riddle in about 0.5 seconds and I’m dense as shit

Okay so Lance...

This post sparked a headcanon in my head and I can’t stop imaging it now so I’m going to talk about it and develop it a bit more (feel free to add to it, share your opinion about it, talk to me about it, etc)

Considering its pretty much canon that Lance has a big family with the photo we saw in season one I can’t help but picture him with his siblings and cousins having soccer games whenever they’re together. Family gathering or not, I can totally see lance being a decent soccer player. 

Hear me out: 

- Lance plays soccer as a kid since his older sibling(s) did and his parents insisted he try some extracurriculars

- He sticks with it for quite a few years getting pretty good always enjoying it 

- But as he gets older his dreams of being a professional soccer player are replaced with piloting and the Garrison

- Everyone’s crushed when he quits because Lance had the potential to go pro and all his coaches said so

- He doesn’t think about it much and kind of just shrugs when people compliment his soccer skills, Lance doesn’t really believe he’s as great as everyone says he is because of his self-doubt and insecurities 

- Lets be real he’d totally look good in a soccer uniform and I bet he has all the merch of his favourite team including like three jerseys, two scarves, temporary tattoos, and a ball signed by his fave player (Keith sees Lance in a soccer jersey at some point and dies a little inside bc holy quiznak he looks so good??)

- On a particularly bad day when Lance is really missing home and his family Hunk catches on and suggests that they all play a quick game of soccer which totally brightens Lance’s mood

- After setting up two goals in the training room and briefing Allura and Coran about the rules and basic concept (Altea probs had the same sport just with a different name lets be real) they split into teams: Lance, Pidge, Shiro VS Keith, Hunk, Allura w/ Coran reffing 

- It starts off fun with everyone laughing and just trying their best but as soon as Lance and Keith butt heads it turns competitive and all hell breaks loose 

- Pidge being the dork she is doesn’t understand the hype over soccer and only continues to play because she’s enjoying spending time with the group (and she secretly wants to win lol for bragging rights) 

- Shiro is all “Keep it a fair game guys! You’re all doing great! Great pass Lance!” and is just happy to see everyone having fun and working together

- Keith is ride or die with any competition and is determined to take Lance down (while also trying to ignore how amazing Lance is bc I can’t get enough of pining Keith lol)

- Hunk is probably a soccer player too so he’s loving it, he’d be the best defence player omg

- Allura picks it up easily and is wicked good totally kicking everyone’s asses, she goes from ‘innocent team fun’ to ‘you’re all going down mfs eat my dust’ (Shiro is smitten af lol he keeps getting distracted by her flawlessness which makes Lance all “Dude! Get it together I am not losing to Keith!”)

- Coran is the best ref ever and is just cheering for everyone the entire time, he’d probably dress for the part too (omg imagine Coran with the black and white striped shirt, a black cap, and whistle lol

- It ends up a tie because the teams are equally good, also the game goes on for much longer than expected so they all get tired af and just finally give in satisfied with the game

- Coran brings out drinks and they all just chill together settling down; everyone’s sweaty and out of breath, they all have goofy grins 

- Lance quietly thanks Hunk for getting everyone involved and just sighs happily at his space family

- Just imagine it guys

- Also someone should totally draw this

- Just saying…

shit grad students say, pt. 1

“i need to sleep 38 minutes ago”

“do i get a gold star on my diploma if i’m the first one to submit my thesis?””

prof: why did you choose to do a masters degree?
student: i’m going to be completely honest, i’m just here for the bragging rights

“i didn’t know you could use microsoft excel to do calculations! i did 138 standard deviations BY HAND!”

“i pulled an all nighter and i don’t even have anything to show for it”

“pho is like vietnamese gatorade. eat a bowl before you go out drinking, you’ll never get a hangover.”

“spanish is my default language. i went to china and i KNOW they don’t speak spanish there but every time i met someone i was like ‘HOLA’”

“i can’t tell if i actually have free time or if i’m just neglecting my responsibilities”

“i was so stressed out last spring that i bought a fish tank”

“sometimes i just need days where all i do is watch shitty mtv shows and look at my fish”

“man, you have to BUDGET your all nighters”

“i was grading lab reports last night and i accidentally spilled wine all over them so now my students know they’ve pushed me to drinking”

“i’m trying to see if there’s a correlation between the number of hours grad students sleep and the number of coffees they drink in a day”

“one of my profs wrote a book about hockey and they misquoted him on tv and now he’s internationally known for saying that all hockey players are homosexual”

“why do i come here? why did i make this my life goal?”

prof: we’re going to get started as soon as everyone’s quiet
student: guys if we keep talking we don’t have to start!

straydog733  asked:

If you're still looking for prompts: physically disabled Jack playing sled hockey. Bonus points for trying to teach Bob. Thanks!

“Stop making fun of your father and get over here,” Alicia yells, slapping her sticks against the ice. “When he finally figures it out you’re doomed, might as well score now!”

But Jack doesn’t move because he’s laughing so hard he’s actually crying. “How are you a living legend? You can’t even balance on a sledge!” 

Bob pushes himself upright and nearly falls over on his other hip. Under normal circumstances, he’d be embarrassed, so clearly struggling before an entire wedding party's worth of current and former NHLers, but this is a unique circumstance. He’ll happily play the part of the fool, today, or forever, really, if it means he can see Jack smile like this on a regular basis.

“We – ” Jack gasps for breath, shaking so hard he might topple himself, “– we can’t play if Papa can’t skate.”

Alicia streaks past, still radiant in her makeup from the morning’s ceremony. “Bobby, even I’m better at this than you. How is that possible?”

“You are ruthless,” Bob breathes, watching his wife circle him, “and you’re on my team! Is anyone else seeing this? Eric! Have some compassion and come help your father-in-law!”

Bitty, who up to this point has been taking easy laps with his parents, breaks away only to be quickly intercepted by Jack.

“Oh, no, it’s only been six hours, you can’t start playing the father-in-law card.”

Shitty quickly shoots between them, “Make it quick, gentleman, Bitty’s mom is brutal. She’s laid out Tater twice.”

“What’s the point of you getting married if I can’t abuse the relationship for personal gain? You helped Richard, you traitor, so your husband can help me.” Bob argues, propping himself up with his hands instead of the sticks.

“I didn’t think you’d need the help,” Jack grins, switching to French and sliding up beside his father, “you’re supposed to be the best.”

“Ah, well, one too many concussions and my balance isn’t quite what it used to be.” Bob looks up from the ice in time to catch Jack’s smile falter. 

“Are you feeling alright? Is your vertigo back?” 

Christ. He didn’t want to make this about him; any latent injury of Bob’s was dwarfed a long time ago by Jack’s accident, not that this is anything close to a competition. He shakes his head and holds out his arm so Jack can hold him stable. 

“I’m more than alright, just old and jaded, watching all you handsome young bucks skate circles around me.”

Jack laughs and Bob watches his gaze flit back to Eric, who’s carefully coiffed hair is finally falling out of place as he tries to keep his mother from ramming her sledge into Alexei Mashkov. 

“Lean forward a bit, center your weight around your hips,” Jack explains, pressing a hand against Bob’s lower-back. “Not too far, use your sticks to move forward, it’s easier to balance when you’re in motion.”

Bob is struck suddenly by a sense of deja-vu; remembering how easy it had been to teach Jack to skate nearly thirty years earlier. Or how easy it had seemed to a Stanley Cup champion. Jack must have felt exactly how Bob does now, unsteady and unsure. 

“There you go,” Jack says brightly once Bob has centered himself. “See? Not so hard after all. Now you just have to score.”

Jack pulls a puck from between his thighs and tosses it onto the ice. Bob moves to pass it and promptly finds himself lying back on his side.

“This is just like the time I tried snowboarding,” Bob groans. “Had to scoot down the mountain on my ass.”

“Can we make new teams?” Alicia asks. “This doesn’t feel fair.”

Jack snorts a laugh and pulls Bob upright again. “C’mon, Papa, you’ll have this down in no time. Can’t let Maman get bragging rights, she’ll never let you live it down.”

hey here’s an entry for the “humans are space orcs” thing that’s going around:


All self-preservation instincts in the universe are hard-wired to fight or flight and there is no inbetween. you are either a warrior or the ones who run and hide. so aliens marvel in baffled silence at how humans who are visibly terrified actively do shit that they KNOW IS POTENTIALLY FATAL, or at least incredibly dangerous, for kicks. We jump off cliffs, out of airplanes, swim with the sea’s apex predators, and even made a career out of CHASING DOWN DEADLY WEATHER. We eat the spiciest food on the planet, stuff that is used in tear gas, because “think of the bragging rights!”. it isn’t that we don’t know the risks, we do. we just don’t give a shit, and this terrifies all other life in the universe.

Some Flowers In Your Hair by letsjustsee

Word Count: 23k
Summary: 
This is supposed to be a friendly camping trip between Louis and Liam, just a couple of bros surviving in the wilderness for bragging rights, not whatever rigmarole that fucker is currently outlining. And certainly not including one Harry Styles, pretentious twat that he is.

What is Louis getting himself into?

Or, a magical camping AU in which Louis is jealous of Harry’s magic, Liam’s a little too enthusiastic about surviving in the wilderness, and Niall might have misunderstood the rules.

Written for @fullonlarrie for the @hlsummerexchange2017

Consider The Coconut - Lin Manuel x Reader

Request: If requests are open, can you write a fic where Lin gets too used to stealing y/n’s chapstick and then he accidentally uses it when it happens to have a color tint to it. I’m sorry if that was confusing! But I hope that made sense and that your day goes wonderfully!

Word Count: 1585ish

Author’s Note: Sorry this request took so long! I hope whoever the anon was who submitted it enjoys it! Thanks to @secretschuylersister, she’s the best and helped me a lot with this one.  #bestofwivesandbestofwomen Also, this video is important. And as always, let me know if you see any mistakes. 

Warnings: Fluff

Masterlist || Request

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