~maniac~

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BTK Killer's Tips How To Not Be Killed

“You know, lately I’ve been thinking about what people can do
to protect themselves from guys like me, and I came up with a little
list,” he said. “I guess most of it is pretty obvious, but I’ll tell it to you
if you like.”
“I’m all ears,” I said.
“The first thing I’d suggest for a woman living alone is to get a
security system,”
he said. “For
women living alone, I think the most important thing they can do is
give the impression that they live with a man. Maybe have some
men’s clothes scattered around the house or leave a toiletry kit out in
the open, just in case someone breaks in to scope the place out. It
would also be wise to have two dogs—one outside and another one
inside.
And on the answering machine, have a man’s voice on the out-
going recording.
And you know how I used to cut the phone lines of
houses? People should always check their phones whenever they enter their house.“

“Since everybody seems to have cell phones these days, maybe
that’s not so important … But I do think it’s a good idea to always
leave the radio on in your house and avoid routines. Never take the
same route to and from work or someplace like the grocery store.
And
the last thing would be for women to be extra suspicious of vehicles
they see parked out in front of their house or apartment.
I often used
to drive back to my victims’ homes over and over again and park out
in front.”

(Inside The Mind Of BTK, pages 314 and 315)

when eric bittle is 8 years old his aunt judy marries a Northeasterner named jacob birkholtz and suddenly he’s not the weirdest cousin anymore, it’s this gangly 12 year old named adam who Did Not Want to move to georgia and now they’re stuck in the same town together

  • yeah, aunt judy is holster’s step mom 
    • this is random but holster’s dad is a pilot and aunt judy is a flight attendant and they have like the cutest dating stories ever
      • their first date was in paris (at the charles de gaulle airport which is actually hell but they tell people it was at a little cafe and don’t mention it happened to be in in terminal 3)
  • so holster and his dad move down to georgia and it’s Awkward because everyone is welcoming but distant because they’re so clearly Different (northern accents, don’t know the family history, Jewish, really don’t care that much about jam [but they learn. oh, do they learn]).
  • suzanne is like so heckin jazzed to have her sister back in the same city so she and judy get together all the time and holster and bitty are forced to hang
    • bitty thinks holster is snarky and obnoxious and holster thinks bitty is too peppy and weird and they’re sitting at the kids table together at thanksgiving and holster is grumpily shoving mashed potatoes in his mouth and bitty can’t believe he’s not even putting GRAVY on them like WHAT is WRONG WITH HIM 
      • meanwhile holster’s just trying to figure out why everyone keeps saying “bless your pea-pickin heart” 
    • coach and holster form a football-based bond where they just sit on the couch next to each other and mumble stats back and forth while they watch the game
      • bitty is jealous because it’s not fair that this stranger relates to his dad better than he does but holster is jealous because bitty’s dad is home every night while his dad is off flying around the world
        • do they bond over their daddy issues?? you fuckin bet
  • holster joins a hockey team and he sees the tail end of bitty’s training with katya because there’s like one ice rink in their town and he’s like so impressed that his tiny strange cousin does ice magic
    • holster becomes peak Team Bitty. he begs to be taught jumps and ice skating moves, he starts doing the mixes for bitty’s routines, they go skating together and race even though bitty always wins 
    • bitty starts doing drills with holster and that’s how he initially gets into hockey
      • he uses holster’s old gear and stick and stuff and it’s all way too big but so so so cute
      • like, tiny baby bitty with his loud cousin watching hockey for the first time and holster’s actually like patiently taking the time to explain everything because bitty is so impressed by the game
  • holster refers to them a brousins (bruh - sinz, brother cousins)
    • they’re the bittle-birkholtz-brousins there’s a lot of alliteration ok 
  • they’re both outsiders in their family and they end up spending half their family gatherings eating a secret pie bitty stashed, listening to one of holster’s playlists on his first generation ipod, gossiping about their entire town
    • bitty is one of the few people holster likes
    • holster is one of the few people who like bitty
  • BITTY AT HOLSTER’S BAR MITZVAH 

i have a billion more ideas for this verse so if you’re interested i’ll keep going with Bittle-Birkholtz-Brousins Part 2: puberty and beyond