Do you think Cas will get a happy ending? I used to be Cas' ending would be a choosing to be human thing but now I don't know. Not just the whole Billie thing but also Cas was involved in killing a child. There a certain things you just dont came back from and certain things show's won't have their main heroes do even in a fantasy setting -the protag can kill but he wont cheat, rape, or harm a child usually for example. :(
I didn’t feel like the episode was trying to tell us, Cas killed a kid and now he’s terrible, but instead, Cas feels responsible for the death of the kid, and he feels terrible, which really changes this from my perspective.
Dean killed a kid and it’s not routinely dragged out by the show to prove he shouldn’t be happy. I’m sure it’s tormenting him but narratively, that all disappeared when he got the Mark off into a sort of blob of generic terrible things he did under the Mark guilt, which wasn’t really that well explored either. At this point I’m sure they’re all writing it off as under mind control as a technicality, and not focusing on it like that.*
Sam drank the blood of a screaming nurse, killing her (a valued member of society with kind of a moral event horizon similar to killing children when it comes to listing innocents) - off screen, but it was Sam’s over-the-edge act that demonised HIS soul for all of 10 minutes at the end of season 4, and he only needed a season to repent for it all and stop Lucifer, and again, Cindy is pretty much never mentioned again.
*Note: not interested in starting the debate about how culpable Dean is for the stuff under the Mark (or I guess Sam under demon blood and Ruby’s manipulations); just commenting on the way the show presented it. It’s probably under the same bracket as Sam trying to murder Bobby in 6x11. Everyone can feel guilty and horrible but for the sake of core characterisation it wasn’t their fault enough to drag them under with it, and in 3 episodes time they seem mostly back to normal :P
Anyway. Both of these actions were objectively worse and more terrible and actively detrimental to Sam and Dean’s moral fibre and our perceptions of them than anything they showed with Cas. I’m not just defending Cas because, idk, I like him more than Sam and Dean; I don’t hate either of them for these things (and if I like Cas more it’s unrelated :P)
This episode was very careful to establish a villain who would evilly want to kill a child because he’s just plain awful (Ishim) and to contrast Cas to him repeatedly as a dark mirror to Cas’s character, AND use his actions of lying to them to make them enact orders that were emphatically described as part of the angel’s moral code, to trick the rest of the angels into being complicit in this murder.
Even when Cas thought it was a nephilim and not a human child, this was his immediate reaction to the nephilim being killed - a being that he thought was an abomination and that should be destroyed by all the laws he upheld:
He flinches at the sound of a young girl screaming, despite all of that, there’s a part of him even then that’s not entirely okay with it - that same part of him that’s always been terrible at following orders and of feeling sympathetic or protective of the innocent and defenceless, which is his core goodness that makes him such a great character.
This scene also directly implies that Cas murdered who knows how many babies:
NAOMI Not always, angel. There was that day, back in Egypt, not so long ago, where we slew every first-born infant whose door wasn’t splashed with lamb’s blood. And that was just PR.
CASTIEL Well, I wasn’t there.
NAOMI Oh, you were there. You just don’t remember it.
And the implication was that he resisted and rebelled there, and maybe even was controlled to do it just like Naomi forcing Cas to attack Dean in the crypt, as by that point it was established she could control his actions completely and use him to kill whoever she wanted (except Dean that one time - but the “first borns” thing is interesting to me anyway for the comparison).
All of this is meant to horrify us but I don’t think it’s meant to show Cas has broken morality - instead it highlights that he has GOOD morality because of how he reacts to these evil actions and situations, and the fact both times it’s less that he’s made evil choices but that he never had a choice. He may not have had “true” free will until 4x22 when he finally chooses to rebel against heaven and no longer heed their orders, and to decide for himself what is right or not. Obviously killing Lily’s kid came way before that, so we have to weigh how Cas’s character evolved over season 4, the way it was shown Heaven manipulated out dissent and rebellion (Anna tells us rebellious angels will be killed) and gives us the sort of emotional backstory on what Cas would have been up against 100 years ago, following orders and believing completely in Heaven because what other choice did he have? The fact his orders in this case were a lie isn’t even a part of this line of thought - if it HAD been a nephilim, this is how Cas reacted and felt, and what he was up against convincing him he had to do it while he was basically in a state where he was unable to pretty much THINK dissent or more than vague uncertain doubts he didn’t give voice to until 4x07 (100 years later :P). Throw in their absolute and unquestionable law that nephilim are evil and must be killed, and of course the Cas we saw there is following these orders and could have seemed even pleased or satisfied that the child was killed, but EVEN SO, he flinched.
BUT looking at the wider picture, even that they were lied to on top of that somewhat diminished responsibility, I’d agree blood is still on their hands because they helped, but their actual intent to murder is completely diminished by Ishim’s actions because they didn’t know it was an innocent human child and obviously would not have gone along with it if they knew. As the only angel who survived to find out what Ishim had really done, Cas isn’t just in a place to question his orders and assumptions about it being fine to murder Nephilim on principle, but to feel betrayed, manipulated and coerced into the murder of Lily’s kid - obviously this is on a personal level away from how Cas actually talks to Lily about what happened. All he can do THERE is express how sorry he is and to admit her right to be avenged if she wants to, because of course whatever he FEELS about it, his past actions still helped lead to her child’s murder.
This episode definitely gave a lot of room to ethically exonerate Cas of everything except what will be his conflict with the current nephilim plot - the duty/obligation/moral code from Heaven which dictates that they must be destroyed. And even that, he has to admit he’s now gained enough insight that even seeing it as a separate thing from what happened with Lily’s kid (since she wasn’t a nephilim, the ethical lesson about murder being bad technically doesn’t apply to actual nephilim) he WOULD feel some hesitation now, so the episode has even begun to shake his faith in that, even setting aside that tiny hint that our Cas has always been in there somewhere even when following these orders seemingly blindly. He was the angel who doubted.
I mean, there’s still a long and dodgy road to go about wtf the show will do with Lucifer’s baby, but this is a good sign that they’re edging away from killing it on principle, and it’s Cas’s principle that’s dictating that. So he hasn’t actually reached the same crossroads as Sam and Dean did when they murdered innocents, and he’s already had a strong lesson in questioning his assumptions, and what to do about nephilim. I think unless he decides to do it anyway, at this point your fears about him being unredeemable aren’t a problem yet at all.
At the moment I don’t feel Cas is in any moral danger in this way compared to Sam and Dean’s various bad moral slides, because he started in the uncompromising place, in 12x08 and flashback!Cas whose lines were pretty much all enforcing the idea from Heaven that nephilim are bad and need to be killed and so on, and now by the end of 12x10 this has been at least chipped at a little so far. I have some hope now that Cas will make the right choice, by whatever standards the show works on (this whole thing is really ethically messed up when it comes to the Lucifer baby stuff so idk how much that will relate to what fans think the right choice will be and people with different opinions in general will react differently to what they do, I guess.) But at least by the show’s apparent rules for the characters and whether they’re being presented as good, bad, redeemable, in danger of moral lapse, they’re apparently trying to show us Cas changing and learning and hoping to find another way to deal with it than the old, absolute rule of Heaven he was trying to enforce. Which is all a positive sign that he WON’T go down a bad road and kill the kid and end up in this place where it affects him in the long run…
I hope :P
I don’t know if Cas will get a happy ending or not because they’re really messing around filling time on a show they know at the moment they can write as if it will never end, but Cas has clear goals set out for happiness and belonging and a sense of home, as well as obstacles to stop him getting there, settling in, and then being in a place where he’s achieved all his goals before the end, and then obviously has to have terrible stuff happen to him to take it away again because that’s not how things work in stories >.> So these delays on Cas getting what he wants are good because obviously they want to hold something back for him to aim at.
But I definitely don’t think Cas has been damaged beyond the point of ethical redemption or deservedness of a happy ending.
I DID in my watching notes, when Ishim was talking about tearing out Lily’s heart because she broke his, and went for her daughter, immediately link it to when by Cas’s POV on being heartbroken by his family turning on him and refusing to help/believe in him/trust him in 6x20, he then goes off and breaks Sam’s wall to slow up Dean from stopping him. Obviously that’s a really exaggerated bad example I just made with a lot of character slander to compare what Cas was doing to what Ishim did. BUT it was his one big, truly “unforgivable” action in the narrative.
Dean acts as the shows moral compass, and often/mostly has the final say on ethical issues like this, determining who is good and bad (and if he’s wrong, it’s on his shoulders to deal with that - 7x03 was the last episode I watched this week working through the show with my mum, and of course the next episode after that is the judgement one where Dean’s heart is weighed, and blah blah off track here but Dean’s moral judgement is really important on the show). DEAN FORGIVES CAS for hurting Sam. It’s an almost miraculous recovery because to Dean hurting Sam is just… the absolute worst thing you can do. Dean is otherwise the sort of person who would advocate shooting their own grandfather for betrayal, but after Cas does it and inflicts the worst damage on Sam we’ve seen anyone go through in the whole show… He lets Cas back in and accepts his attempts to redeem himself. Cas’s season 7 redemption is one of the most important stories on the show for him or Dean or even Sam when it comes to personal relationships… I like to just randomly watch Cas’s season 7 episodes and bawl at the screen :P
Anyway, Cas went right over the moral event horizon in 6x22, but he was brought back already, years ago, and like Sam jumping into the cage to atone for season 4, has been morally recovered, in a way, for a very long time. He still feels some guilt for it but the narrative (which blurs with Dean’s opinion :P) has forgiven him. Sam and Dean are initially horrified by Cas’s story in the middle of the episode, but don’t reject him and the final conversation is positive, with them discussing that change and hoping for a change with their next decisions.
(still not sure what’s up with Dean and the Mark and all that, but as I said… rug sweeping :P But yeah, Dean is the character always talking about how they go down swinging and doesn’t see a happy end, and I do think he doesn’t think he deserves one, just that exploring any of the reasons why has all been suppressed by him, so it’s not being dealt with >.> He’s probably got a list of reasons dating back to when he was four years old. Whether HE gets the happy ending is something they’ve been poking at for years, and when that starts getting properly addressed, we’ll know the show is nearly over :P)
Pft, what a surprise. “Hailey Baldwin spotted wearing Justin Bieber’s shirt.” “Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin seen leaving a restaurant.” “Hailey Baldwin wears matching sunglasses with Justin Bieber.”
When will this end? No matter what Justin tells me, I am still suspicious. “We’re just friends, don’t worry.” Then why was she always with him, almost like she’s glued to his back? I don’t get it. I was so sick of seeing them together everywhere, it was strange how I haven’t met them together yet. Even if they weren’t dating, I was damn sure that it would’ve happened in the near future. No. I couldn’t let that happen. But..I couldn’t go to him and stop something it’s NOT happening..yet? Sometimes I opened his Instagram account where I found an avalanche of their selfies. I couldn’t watch them, I couldn’t watch them without feeling pain in my heart. “Funny” how some of them reminded me of the ones we took not even a year ago. Funny. From the way she acts around him, I could tell she has a crush for him. Well, how can I blame her? But, she was perfectly fine without him and she would’ve been in the future too, but I wasn’t. At all. I was living my life, hanging out with my friends, singing, doing whatever I wanted; something just wasn’t right. It was like playing the radio and listening to a song, but you hear a weird buzz in the background, and it doesn’t stop. You are listening to the song, you like it, you can understand the words of it, it’s not loud, but it’s there. The buzz is always there. I needed him. I needed him the most. But then again, I didn’t know the consequences.
He could get mad at me for not trusting him. Again. He could think I was a “possessive-maniac-ex-girlfriend”. But I was just jealous. Jealous as hell. Everyday I wake up wishing his “good morning” text, but it never comes. Everyday when the door bell rings, I always think it’s him, but it isn’t. Everyday I wait for him to come and pick me up and say “Let’s go somewhere. Where do you wanna go?”, but that never happens. I needed to distract myself, or else the thoughts of him would’ve choked me. It was 8:48 PM, I started driving, even though I didn’t really have a place to go. In the end, I decided to visit Raquelle, I knew she would’ve listened to me, no matter how annoying I got. “Am I disturbing you?” “No, at all, come here.” She smiled lightly. “What’s up?” “Nothing really..and what about you?” “Uh, this is why I’m here. I don’t feel good at all, and I hate every part of it.” “Let’s sit on the couch and talk about it.” I laid down, with my head on her thighs ”so?” “It’s always him.” I sighed. “Ohh. What did he do now?” “Nothing, nothing wrong, but..that girl annoys me. And I know that I shouldn’t care anymore, but I can’t help it. They aren’t even dating. I’m just paranoid..” “I can understand why you feel that way; you just can’t let him go, you got so used to have Justin in your life, so it will be hard to detach yourself from him. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it.” “I wouldn’t be so sure about it..” “C’mon, let’s go out, do you wanna go to a club?” “Uh, okay!” I still wasn’t that convinced, but fuck it, I needed to have fun. “Do you want to take some of my dresses, or you change at home?” “I’m gonna go home, I’ll be back in fifteen minutes!” I winked and got out of the door and headed to the car. I needed to be alone and not think about Justin, for once. I put on a little grey dress and black high heels, then got my hair in a ponytail; ready to go. Raquelle got in the car screaming “Oh my God, you look so damn good!” “Aww, thank you! So do you!”
We later arrived to the club, it wasn’t full as I expected, but it was pretty early, so probably more people would’ve arrived later. We danced for a few minutes, then we sat down on the little couches, talking about everything…except those two, of course.
Almost twenty minutes later, my stomach started shaking, not because that one cocktail I drank, but because of what I saw, who I saw. “Goddamn.” “What’s going on?” I couldn’t open my mouth, there was no sound in it. I just kept staring somewhere. I heard a “Oh” coming from Raquelle. I saw the exact two human beings I wanted to avoid. They were at the bar, they didn’t see me. I saw Justin asking Hailey if she wanted a drink and she said no, then they went on the dance floor. “Do you..wanna go home?” I stayed quiet for a bit, the jealousy was burning inside of me but I still wanted to enjoy my night. “No, I’m going at the bar, do you wanna come?” “No, I’m starting to feel sick. I’m going home, I’m so, so sorry. Don’t do bullshit.” “Oh.. okay!” I knew I was going to make a lot of “Bullshit” that night. I was going to set fire to the pain; and everyone knows that alcohol catches fire easily. I sat on a chair, the other two were taken by a couple making out. Love wasn’t good to see anymore. Actually, I felt disgusted.
A shot of tequila. A shot of vodka. A shot of this. A shot of that. Suddenly I couldn’t feel my head anymore, everything was spinning, I was laughing for no reason, stumbling, shouting something, probably Raq’s name, even if she wasn’t there, or maybe not.
Justin’s POV I tried to dance my thoughts away, but seeing Selena on that chair made me feel in a really strange way. Hailey was dancing, closing her eyes, waving her hands, I think she didn’t notice Selena’s presence, if she did, she would’ve told to go somewhere else. “She makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to be in embarrassing situations.” She said a while ago. Hailey was my friend and I could understand what they would feel if they met. I hadn’t watched Selena for a while, when I saw her drinking a shot, and by the way she behaved, it looked like it wasn’t the first or the second one. “What are you looking at?” Hailey screamed over the music. “N-Nothing.” “Oh, she’s here.” “Yup..What do you want to do?” “What do YOU want to do, Justin?” “I-I..I mean, she’s busy right now, I think her friends are there with her. We can stay.” I don’t know why I lied, I knew she was getting drunk, I knew her friends weren’t there, I knew she was alone in such a fragile environment. I kept dancing, but my eyes were on her. The two seats next to Selena were now taken by two big men, my heart started to shake.
Selena’s POV Fuck him for being him; fuck her for being stuck on his ass; fuck me for the same reason.
I lost sight of reality in that moment, everything felt like a tornado and I didn’t know if I was feeling well or not, but I wasn’t feeling at all, and that was what I wanted. “Bar man? Man? Where are you now that I need ya?” I giggled at my own joke bitterly. “Hey!” I saw two men next to me staring, I was too busy shouting to care. “Look who we have here! Miss Gomez!” One of them turned around, coming closer. “Yeah h-hi.” I tried to wave my hand as much as I could. “What are you doing? It isn’t ladylike to get too many shots.” “But shutting the fuck up is every gender-like, isn’t it?” His voice and words were pounding in my head, which made them even more annoying than before. “Ooh, she’s got an attitude!” The other man screamed and whistled. “I like her.” “Me too bro, aah, she is exciting.” I couldn’t even comprehend a word they said, I just put my head on the table. “I need a f-full bottle of the strongest liq-quor you ha-a-ave. Having your heartbre-eaker here hurts like a m-motherfucker. Haha.” I muttered with a hiccups. “I gotta pee.” I was still having a dialogue with no one in particular. I stood up, stumbling a little, but when I tried to move, I felt the firm grip of the man on my wrist. “Le-leave me alone, p-please.” I started panicking. Then I felt two arms taking me from behind, I was scared. “Leave her alone.” Everything was still spinning and I couldn’t tell right from left but oh, I could’ve recognized his voice everywhere and in every circumstance. The other men started saying something, with a low voice, something that sounded like a threat. Justin answered back with the same tone. Fear made me feel worse. I started to feel more and more sick. “Jus–tin, Justin I-“ My hands were touching his face. “Selena, I’m here. Do you need something?” I remained silent, turning my face to those two men, when all of a sudden, I puked all over them. “Ooh, got it.” Justin helped me go to the bathroom, where I was going to vomit everything else.
No One’s POV “Jush-tin.” “Yes.” “Where’s Hailey?” “What? It doesn’t matter right now, do you feel bet-“ “Where i-is she? I have to- Haha- I have to punch her.” Selena laughed. “Can I punch her?” Justin laughed but was still confused. “Why do you have to punch her?” “She like..likes you. I aw-ways see her wearing your f-eeking shirts. I don’t want that!” Selena had the tone of a angry baby girl who wanted her doll. “Oh, and why don’t you want that? She’s my friend.” Justin started to realize everything, starting from the fact he was the reason why she was drinking so much; she saw them. “Because I want my boyfw-end back! You’re myyyyyyy boyfriend! Haha. Do you remember that song that said “Boyfriend, boyfriend”?” “Yeah, I actually wrote it, for you.” He smiled at her. “Ooh! You’re right.” She had hiccups again. “It is for me! Not for-“ Selena held her hand high like a “stop” sign. She vomited again. “Hailey.” She finally breathed out. “Looks like you don’t like her much, huh? Not even your stomach.” “I weally- hic- weally like you, Justin Bieber. You’re- hic- funny.” “I weally, weally, like you too, Selena Gomez.” He mimicked her. “Even when I puke?” “Of course.”
Fifteen minutes earlier.
“Why do you keep staring at her?” “I gotta go.” “Justin, why?! She’s a 22 years old woman, she can make it on her own.” “But she’s drunk! And I don’t trust those two men next to her.” “Why do you keep looking for an excuse to go to her? Just say you don’t wanna hang out, say that you’d rather spend a night with her than with me. You keep saying that you moved on but every fucking body on this planet knows you didn’t, except you and her. So, go. But don’t ever talk to me again. I can’t stand cowards.” Justin was hit by her words and maybe a little hurt, but Hailey wanted too much. She should’ve known that he still cared about Selena and her safety and she shouldn’t have been so possessive, he decided to do his own thing, to make his decisions, to choose the people he wanted to have in his life, he wanted to feel free and not afraid of taking risks.
Twenty minutes after.
Justin put Selena’s arm around his neck as they went out of the club, he made her seat in his car and fastened her belt. Every time a red light appeared, he took those few seconds to check her out while falling asleep, he was happy to see she was safe in his car and not in danger with those men. Even though Justin argued with them, not even stuttering a single word, he was probably even more scared than Selena, but he had to be strong for her. Justin still had on his mind the words she said in the bathroom, for all those months, he thought she didn’t even care about him and Hailey, he thought she was starting a new life. But he was so wrong, he had no idea that the sight of him and his friend could’ve hurt Selena that much to make her drink the pain away. And Hailey was right, he was just pretending to start a new chapter of his life, probably because he didn’t want to feel weak. “Selena has moved on, I moved on. That’s it.” He kept telling everyone, but both of them were lying to themselves, they were wearing smiley faces as their masks, to the point that both of them thought that those masks were their actual faces.
So, once again, Justin and Selena’s lives were so similar they ended up blending into one.
i’m suuuuuuuuper late, i know, but it’s finally here! do you like it? do you love it? let me know in my inbox! love you aaaallllll!
I don’t know how it feels to not miss you. It’s 2.07am and you just text me to see how I am. I know you’re drunk, it’s pub quiz night after all. I still get this pounding feeling in my chest when your name flashes up on my cell. I don’t think I’ll ever not get that. You were my first love, they say your feelings never change, no matter how much you want them to. No matter how hard you try. I managed to delete all your messages off my phone, even the ones telling me how much you missed me and how your happiest times were spent with me. Tears for you have stained my cheeks for yet another night dear.
impossible things happen to some people. Winning the lottery, being struck by a
lightning bolt, having a super rare disease or maybe being one out one million
who have a side effect to certain medicine is the one impossible thing that
will happen in your life. Yours, though, was something simple and yet it was
something you had hoped for more than four months.
after dropping the letter at Harry’s house was dreadful. Time seemed to be
passing to slowly and your body was being consumed by anxiety.
until he called you.
you thought it was the girl he left you for, calling to tell you to back out.
But it couldn’t be. You had read about them breaking up right after you left
your voicemail. It was one of the happiest days since the breakup. Probably
because part of you hoped, he had broken up with her because of you.
Even if he
did, he didn’t bother calling you after.
thought it was Harry himself trying to tell you to back out. Again, it couldn’t
be. Harry dealt with hundreds of girls and boys sending him crazy things over
and over again. He would have just ignored you.
thought it was him trying to get back together. A part of you hoped it was,
this way everything could fall right back into place and you could pretend
nothing ever happened. The other part, the realistic one, hoped he didn’t want
spent countless nights crying, days without eating or leaving your apartment,
secluding yourself from the world and second guessing yourself, the insecurity
that came with being cheated killing you.
lost a part of yourself and had spent this past four months thinking that being
with Harry would mean getting this part back. But would it be? He had been the
reason to your pain and suffering in the first place. Maybe it wasn’t worth it.
finally setting your mind in doing what you knew was right. Move on.
So maybe getting
back together was not the right thing to do. But it certainly was the easy one.
you had said once you picked up the phone, hands shaking and breathing uneven.
whispered and you swore you heart stopped for a minute. It had been so long
since the last time you heard him saying your name.
spoke, trying to keep the emotion out of your voice. “Why are you calling me?”
that was what you wanted.” You knew he was confused by your question, you were
too. You just had spent so much time dreaming about this day, that you had to
make sure it wouldn’t break your heart anymore. “Besides, I listened to your
voicemail and read your letter. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Ok.” You whispered,
tears streaming down your face already.
could talk face to face? I feel like talking on the phone it’s not as great.” He suggested
and you immediately wanted to say no. Hearing his voice was hard enough as it
was, imagine what seeing his face could do. “And I really miss seeing you.”
There was an
awkward pause after that. You didn’t know what to say and Harry seemed to be
cursing himself for saying what he said out loud.
the times were phrases like that were normal in your conversations.
And it was
thinking about those times, that you answered him: “Ok. You can meet me on the bakery
we used to go in an hour, okay?”
good to me. See you.” Hanging up the phone, you started to sob.
felt was a huge whole in your chest and you couldn’t decide if seeing Harry
would close the whole or make it bigger. You were so confused and lost that you
almost called him to cancel.
talking to Harry would bring at least closure to your relationship and lately,
that was all you wanted.
later, you were sat and waiting Harry in your favorite bakery. It had been
months since you last stepped here, the memories being too much for you to
handle. Now you realized you couldn’t have chosen a better place for the meet
up, it was special enough and in a way, represented your relationship with
Harry, at least the good part of it.
never one to be late, so it didn’t take long for him to show up.
remembered once, when you were at the hospital and they gave you a painkiller.
They told you the medicine could make your heart beat faster, giving you the
illusion of a heart attack. In the moment, when you saw Harry staring at you
and walking to you, you finally understood what the side effect of the medicine
“Hey.” His voice
was just like you remembered and you wonder if he knew how weak at the knees
his voice made you.
“Hi.” You breathed
out. “How are you?”
You were settling
for small conversation and you knew it, but you didn’t know what else to do.
better, and you?”
It wasn’t a complete lie. You had been feeling yourself in the past few days
and that was the reason you wrote him the letter, because you needed to say a
good.” You nodded and took your time to analyze his face.
looked pretty much the same to everyone else, but you knew him too much to not
notice the small changes. His hair had grown and he had black circles under his
eyes. He seemed skinnier too and you couldn’t help but worry.
never stop worrying.
don’t know what you want.” You sighed. “I know I sent you a letter and believe
me, it was the most honest thing I have ever written. But this also means that
I was being honest when I said I was letting you go, Harry.” Running a hand
through your hair, you looked up in order to stop the tears that were already
you sent me a letter, even after a voicemail, if you didn’t want to see me?” he
questioned. “I don’t get it why you would do these things if you didn’t want me
to reply you.”
this sounds strange, but I never really expected you to reach to me in any
form.” You told him. “I mean, when I left you the voicemail, all I wanted was
for you to call me back, but you never did. So when I left you the letter, I
was only ranting and looking for closure, because I thought you would ignore it
just like you did with the first attempt. I thought you would see the letter as
a way of never having to worry about me again.” Tears were streaming down your
face and you knew Harry was at the verge of tears too.
always worry about you, (Y/N).” he assured you.
know that, Harry. After you left me to be with someone else, I didn’t know many
things. You broke me to pieces and I’m afraid that there is no going back now. I’m
too damaged.” Gulping, you felt Harry’s hand in top of yours, trying to comfort
wanted to hurt you. I never planned this.” He said and you asked yourself how
could he seem so honest while speaking? Surely, he knew he was going to hurt
you when he left you. So why was he speaking like that?
planned on you changing your mind, but look where we are.” You stated, suddenly
getting angry. “You did change your mind and you did hurt me. Weird how both
plans got ruined by you and only you, huh?” pulling your hand back, you
continued. “You know what I planned for us? Forever together. I planned a small
marriage and a family of four. I planned breakfast at bed and songs at
midnight. I planned long talks over the skype and flying out at two in the
morning to meet you. I planned a lifetime of plans, all of them having you
included. So what am I supposed to do when, one day, you come and ruin all my
plans? Because that’s what happened and I don’t know how to continue my life,
Harry. I don’t.”
this months, breaking down in front of Harry was not something you wanted to do.
Nevertheless, you did anyway.
The make up
you had put to make him think that you were fine, was now smudged in your face
and you were sure that you looked like some kind of monster.
spoke softly, making you look up. “What I did is inexcusable and I will never
forgive myself for this. The moment I heard your voicemail, I broke up with
her. I knew the moment I had left you that I was doing the wrong thing, but it
was so easy to just run to her arms and forget about your face when I told you the
news. And I know it took two months and a heartbreaking message for me to break up
with her, but I did. After that, I wanted to give you some space before
reaching out, but I got so caught up with the band that the time I was
giving you turned into months and next thing I knew there was a letter in my
floor and a goodbye written on it.” He had started crying and all you wanted to
do was run into his arms and cleaning the tears from his face. “When I read
that, yesterday, I knew what I had to do. That’s why I called you. Because I
miss you more and more every day and I want us to go back to what we were once.”
you trailed off.
to me. I will do anything I need in order to make up for the pain I put you
through and I promise I will never do anything like that ever again. If you
could only find in your heart to forgive me…” grabbing your hand, he rubbed
gently, waiting for an answer.
said to you was beautiful and you wanted to believe it. He had sounded so
sincere, but, again, so had he when he first promised you never to hurt you.
had sounded like one that just came out of the many books you read. Were the
guys does something bad and then asks for forgiveness in the nicest way right
before the end of the book and although you know the girl forgives him, you
will never found out if he did or did not broke his promised.
moment, you didn’t want to find out.
just like Harry said that running away from you had been the easy, not right,
thing to do. You knew that forgiving him was going to be too. However, your
heart had had enough and you were afraid that doing the easy thing instead of
the right thing, would only lead you to another heartbreaker.
you decided not to stick to see what happens to couple in the books. You
decided to do what was right.
you spoke, voice sounding much stronger now. “I can’t forgive you for what you’ve
done and put me through. Even if I could, I would never be able to forget and
living in fear that you might do anything like that again is not living. I don ‘t want to risk another goodbye.” You stood up,
putting some money in the table. “I’ve been living the ghost of a relationship for
four months and I will not continue to do this. Because, I might not know where
to go from here, but I know that going back to being with you is not the right
“But I love
you.” He whispered through sobs and you almost went back on your decision.
“I love you
too, Harry. But the love that it was once pure and innocent is now toxic and
destructive.” Pecking his cheek, you walked away from the bakery and from
Harry, but not before whispering a goodbye and listening to his sobs.
sometimes, impossible things happen. The impossible thing that happened to you was
being a woman you never thought you could be, a woman who chooses herself and
her happiness before anything.
just have to look at the word differently.
*First of all, thank you Audrey Hepburn for the last line of this one-shot. You are amazing. Second, thank you to everyone that sent me ‘get better’ messages! I love you! And third, this is the biggest one-shot so far and it sucks, because I feel like it’s not good enough.
So here is a fanfic I wrote out of curiosity on how Sherlock’s hearts day will be like. And because I am very fond of Sherlolly.. here it goes..
“Valentine’s.. Love.. Valentine.. Oh. Borriinngg..” Sherlock lazily says as he continuously change the channel of the telly. He’s been watching television all day because of the lack of cases. People are all busy preparing for this love month.
“Do you have a date?”, asked John while he is browsing typing in his laptop.
“Date? You mean a case?”, Sherlock confusedly reply.
“No. A date. Someone who you can be with on that day.”, John explained.
For a moment Sherlock was dazed. He didn’t know what to answer. He have never been on a date. Well, those days with Janine cannot be considered as a date since it’s all for a case. He never felt how it was like. He have never asked someone to go out with him. “Ermm, you mean SOMEONE. A person. Well, I..I..”
“You what Sherlock?’, John continued waiting for a formal answer.
"I.. I..might have a case John. Busy. No time. Case. You know. People asking me to solve their problems which is obviously obvious that they probably know the answer but was too naive to accept because of emotion. Emotion that will cause hurt. Hurt. Pain. Heartbr–..”
“Sherlock! I am asking if you have a date. Yes or no would be a nice reply.” John irritatingly cut.
“Oh..”, he snapped.
“Yes? Maybe? I will call Gavin for some drink.”
“Don’t change the subject Sherlock. And why would you want to call GREG Lestrade on Valentine’s. He must have someone to have with to dinner that day.”, John patiently interrupted.
“Really? Lestrade? Well then, I don’t have no choice but to spent it with–..”
“NOT me, Mary remember? Married.”, he said while showing Sherlock his hands with the wedding ring.
They stopped for a moment. And John immediately interrupt the awkwardness.
“Yes. Molly Hooper. But, Isn’t Molly Hooper has a date?”
“Uhhh.. Ask her.”,
“Mind your matters John. I’ll mind mine.” Sherlock arrogantly replied.
John just stared and said “Okay then” and went back to typing.
Sherlock haven’t sleep. He is worried on how to go on through the day. He just don’t want John to know that he don’t have a date.
He looked over his text messages, looking for any cases. But ended up watching television because all the case seems too boring.
“Why does everyone talks about dates.. chocolates.. bear.. roses? He said sulkily on his couch.
*Ping (A text alert)
Have you asked her out? JW
It’s from John. He don’t know what to reply since he haven’t done anything to accomplish anything near the idea of asking Molly out.
Any ideas? SH
He typed and replied.
Not my problem. JW
He didn’t respond.
Sherlock was pacing back and forth thinking of how to invite Molly over dinner. He phoned Lestrade but he didn’t pick up. “Maybe busy having dinner with the PE Teacher.’
He went to St. Bart. Knowing that Molly is definitely there since she just broke her engagement and she would not probably date someone that early post breakup. On his way there, a flower shop took his attention.
“Oh that’s lame.” he thought. But then ended up holding a single long stemmed red rose on his way to the room where Molly is.
He came in the room without any further notice and found no one in there. No Molly. But he is sure Molly is there because her things was there. Signs that she just went off somewhere. A bathroom maybe.
He waited but still no sign of Molly. And then, it hit him again. His complete arrogance of why is he doing this. Shy as he is when it comes to this kind of things. He dashed outside and left a note on top is the rose.
Molly Hooper, Happy Valentines. SH
Outside the morgue. Sherlock was sweating profusely thinking if he did it right. He just don’t have the guts to ask her out. Yes he asked Molly out for chips.. but this is a lot way different. He decided to just go home when someone called his name out loud.
“Sherlock. Sherlock Holmes.”
Molly hugged him tightly, blushing and giggling. He don’t know what to do. He just stood there wildly bemused by the feelings he felt when her skin touches his. A spark. He felt hot and warm.
“Happy Valentine’s Sherlock.” molly whispers on his ears and planted a soft kiss on Sherlock’s cheek.
So yeah, I find this fanfic so fun to write. Hope you enjoyed it.
I have recently reached my goal, so as promised here is my first follow forever!
I have made some really good friends lately and I’m really thankful for everyone that’s following me. And to everyone who isn’t in this, thank you for making my dash a little brighter every day, I love you all.
“I am such an idiot.” Luke breathed onto his self, burying his face into his hands once he bursted in the doors only to see me in a hospital bed with it’s respective gown.
I tried laughing but only to be stopped immediately by the piercing pain in my stomach causing me to wince.
“Shitshitshitshit.” Luke frantically moved around the room, panicking since he damn well knew that he was the reason I was here.
“Listen baby, I’m really so fucking and terribly sorry. L-like I didn’t even know that water was years old! And I’m probably the reason why you have amoebiasis or that shit. And the pain that you’re going through is just so heartbre-…” Luke rushed the words out of his mouth, his hands shaking from the regret he bottled up ever since he heard the news from Michael.
“I’m okay.” I tried to send in my most vulnerable voice but only to no avail.
“If I could just suck up the pain that you’re going through baby girl, I would do it an instant. I mean I know the feeling of having stomach pains but the doctor said yours was much worse since-…”
Luke was again cut off by me wincing and breathing in and out deeply, causing him to be in a regretful state, almost ending him up with tears on his face.
He immediately rushed to my side and held onto me for dear life, scared that he’s going to lose me once he breaks off from the contact we’re having currently.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, shit, I’m a really bad boyfriend. Oh my fuck, I’m so sorry-…”
He rambled on and on until I could feel dampness on my hospital gown, indicating that Luke was already moved into tears.
“I’ll never do it again, I promise.” He sobbed seriously.
“Should let Calum do all the cooking, he’s a great cook. Now stop crying, it makes you less punk rock.” I lightly smiled, trying to easen the mood before yawning.
“You should rest for awhile, Y/N. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
“Sing me to sleep?”
Luke grinned before saying, “Anything for you, baby girl.”
“I gotta admit, I like your protective side when I’m sick.” I giggled.
“Babe, sick or not, I’ll stop everything once I know that you’re hurt.”